I want to stop drinking!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: 36,000 feet
Posts: 9
I want to stop drinking!
Hi, I just found this site today by googling "online stop drinking". I'm ready to stop drinking.
I quit drinking back in 1996 and was sober for 10 years. But I made the HUGE mistake of forgetting that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". First, it was a glass of wine here and there...and we all know where that leads. Since 2006, I've started drinking more and more. I'm back to drinking every single night. And it's not just wine, it's vodka now. I drink alone every night until I fall asleep. Or pass out, I should say. And I hate myself for it.
My job is PERFECT for an alcoholic. I'm a flight attendant for a major airline. We have access to wine and those little mini's on every single plane. It's nothing to snag a few and bring them to our layovers. We stay in hotels in lots of different cities and every trip we fly is with a different set of flight attendants. Isn't that an active alcoholic's dream? To never have to face the consequences of the previous night of drinking? To move on to a new city, a new hotel, with a new set of crew members? And booze available for free every step of the way?
I have not hit rock bottom and I'm not willing to keep drinking until I do. I never drink less than 12 hours before a flight, thereby jeopardizing my job. And I don't drink on the plane! But my mouth is watering by the time I get to my hotel room for the night; can't WAIT to start drinking. The very first thing I do is grab the ice bucket and head for the ice machine. I don't even take off my painful high heels or my silly uniform until I've got a drink mixed and taken a few good slugs. My drinking has increased to where I'm no longer satisfied with several mini's worth of vodka. So now I bring my own vodka or pre-mixed margaritas in a plastic bottle in my tote bag.
Since I don't drink in bars and I always drink alone, thank goodness I don't embarrass myself in front of people. I just wake up every morning with a headache and promise myself I won't drink anymore. And then I check my phone to see if I talked to anyone while I was drunk...
When I quit in 1996, I went to AA. But I wasn't a flight attendant then. And it's not practical to think I can get to meetings in dozens of different cities on different days at all hours of the day & night and with no transportation at my disposal. So I looked for online support and found this place.
I quit once before. I think I can do it again. I'll be blogging a lot, I think.
I quit drinking back in 1996 and was sober for 10 years. But I made the HUGE mistake of forgetting that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". First, it was a glass of wine here and there...and we all know where that leads. Since 2006, I've started drinking more and more. I'm back to drinking every single night. And it's not just wine, it's vodka now. I drink alone every night until I fall asleep. Or pass out, I should say. And I hate myself for it.
My job is PERFECT for an alcoholic. I'm a flight attendant for a major airline. We have access to wine and those little mini's on every single plane. It's nothing to snag a few and bring them to our layovers. We stay in hotels in lots of different cities and every trip we fly is with a different set of flight attendants. Isn't that an active alcoholic's dream? To never have to face the consequences of the previous night of drinking? To move on to a new city, a new hotel, with a new set of crew members? And booze available for free every step of the way?
I have not hit rock bottom and I'm not willing to keep drinking until I do. I never drink less than 12 hours before a flight, thereby jeopardizing my job. And I don't drink on the plane! But my mouth is watering by the time I get to my hotel room for the night; can't WAIT to start drinking. The very first thing I do is grab the ice bucket and head for the ice machine. I don't even take off my painful high heels or my silly uniform until I've got a drink mixed and taken a few good slugs. My drinking has increased to where I'm no longer satisfied with several mini's worth of vodka. So now I bring my own vodka or pre-mixed margaritas in a plastic bottle in my tote bag.
Since I don't drink in bars and I always drink alone, thank goodness I don't embarrass myself in front of people. I just wake up every morning with a headache and promise myself I won't drink anymore. And then I check my phone to see if I talked to anyone while I was drunk...
When I quit in 1996, I went to AA. But I wasn't a flight attendant then. And it's not practical to think I can get to meetings in dozens of different cities on different days at all hours of the day & night and with no transportation at my disposal. So I looked for online support and found this place.
I quit once before. I think I can do it again. I'll be blogging a lot, I think.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
If you can access this site on your layovers you'll find help here. There are also online SMART Recovery meetings (although, I understand they may be hard to access). I'm not sure about online AA meetings though. The chat room is usually active here at Sober Recovery, so I'm sure you can find support there.
It sounds like you're still reasonably in control, but you can see that won't last. That's good.
It sounds like you're still reasonably in control, but you can see that won't last. That's good.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Sky. Welcome to SR!
Thank for you post - it's a great input about sobriety experience and reminder that it all starts again with "just one glass".
There's a lot of support on this forum, post anytime!
Best wishes to you)
Thank for you post - it's a great input about sobriety experience and reminder that it all starts again with "just one glass".
There's a lot of support on this forum, post anytime!
Best wishes to you)
to the family! Sounds like you've taken the first step in getting sober. You can do it again too. I'm glad you found us and joined the family. You'll find lots of support here. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Hello Sky,
I talked with you on Chat last night. This website has been a lifesaver for me. You have a great story and you sound like you are holding it all together but you feel yourself getting in the danger zone....It sounds like you are IN the Danger Zone, and dangerously close to getting in the area where you may make some drunken mishaps and start having serious consequences. Your description of where you are now, gives me chills and warning sirens. Having to check your phone to be sure you didn't make any drunken phone calls....starting to take your hidden stash with you on the plane...going from drinking for relaxation to having that 'can't wait' addiction craving...DANGER ZONE...the next phase of progression took me to the serious consequences phase.
You CAN quit NOW, not just before it gets 'too bad'. That is the problem with ADDICTION...IT takes control and YOU suffer the consequences. If you travel and can't get to AA meetings....do a web search for...AVRT...you will find Rational Recovery / Crash Course...take the Crash Course right on the website...it is perfect for traveling...also AA online...and especially this website. It may help to get to an AA meeting if you are ever at 'Home' and get some contacts to call while traveling. That will force you into Accountability...something THE ADDICTION will hate, and you may not be able to do if the ADDICTION already has too much control. YOU are NOT your ADDICTION, but it sure feels like it...It sure did for me.
I look forward to seeing you on this site, reading your posts, and chatting in the Chat Room.
I talked with you on Chat last night. This website has been a lifesaver for me. You have a great story and you sound like you are holding it all together but you feel yourself getting in the danger zone....It sounds like you are IN the Danger Zone, and dangerously close to getting in the area where you may make some drunken mishaps and start having serious consequences. Your description of where you are now, gives me chills and warning sirens. Having to check your phone to be sure you didn't make any drunken phone calls....starting to take your hidden stash with you on the plane...going from drinking for relaxation to having that 'can't wait' addiction craving...DANGER ZONE...the next phase of progression took me to the serious consequences phase.
You CAN quit NOW, not just before it gets 'too bad'. That is the problem with ADDICTION...IT takes control and YOU suffer the consequences. If you travel and can't get to AA meetings....do a web search for...AVRT...you will find Rational Recovery / Crash Course...take the Crash Course right on the website...it is perfect for traveling...also AA online...and especially this website. It may help to get to an AA meeting if you are ever at 'Home' and get some contacts to call while traveling. That will force you into Accountability...something THE ADDICTION will hate, and you may not be able to do if the ADDICTION already has too much control. YOU are NOT your ADDICTION, but it sure feels like it...It sure did for me.
I look forward to seeing you on this site, reading your posts, and chatting in the Chat Room.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Welcome Sky! I fly a good bit for work and I often wonder how the flight attendants are not ALL alcoholics. As a passenger, I have to pay for my booze and only have access maybe twice on a six hour flight unless I'm bold enough to go to the back and ask for more. Over these last 8 months I've been sober, I sit there with nothing to do for hours and hours and it occurred to me that if I was a FA I could drink the whole flight!
I give you major props for keeping it together as you have, although it does seem you are hanging on by a thread here. Take it from me, it is all seemingly "ok" other than our internal battle and then in the blink of an eye it all comes crashing down.
You can do this. It takes resolve but it can be done even if you are on the road all the time. Yes, it is difficult and uncomfortable a lot of the time, but it is worth it.
I wish you strength and best wishes. You are in a challenging situation but I've seen musicians who tour all year and work in a business where drinking is part of the culture stay sober. You can do it too.
I give you major props for keeping it together as you have, although it does seem you are hanging on by a thread here. Take it from me, it is all seemingly "ok" other than our internal battle and then in the blink of an eye it all comes crashing down.
You can do this. It takes resolve but it can be done even if you are on the road all the time. Yes, it is difficult and uncomfortable a lot of the time, but it is worth it.
I wish you strength and best wishes. You are in a challenging situation but I've seen musicians who tour all year and work in a business where drinking is part of the culture stay sober. You can do it too.
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