nancylee

Hi all,
My story, i am sober almost 3 years, very happy, I use womenforsobriety.org and went to rehab for 10 days. Was functional, worked, ran a big dog rescue, so much stress, which is why I had to get away to find some space to think and get sober. I have a cousin a few years younger than I am, about 48 years old. I haven't seen her in a long time, although our parents are all close, and we are friendly, except when talking politics on Facebook.

Last week, she messaged me on FB and asked where I went to rehab, because my mother (who cannot keep anything to herself, but that is a different story) told her I went. I told here where I went, the meds they put me on, about womenforsobriety.org, and offered to help by taking her if she wanted me to. She told me little by little what is going on. Says she admitted she was an alcoholic two years ago, went to AA but didn't like it, the spiritual stuff bothered her. I told her again about WFS, we messaged about rehab, she didn't want to talk on the phone. No problem. I am not pushing. I am respecting her boundaries. Then she told me that she drinks wine every night, loves it, and most mornings can't remember what happened the night before. She is small, about 90 pounds, and also smokes a lot, so she may not even be drinking that much, but it is obviously affecting her, because of the blackouts.

So I nudge her about rehab or WFS again, she thanks me, and the next day tells me that she is going to quit smoking first, as that bothers her family more. I gave her the alcoholic's perspective, that it is not up to her family what is more important, it is up to her. I know that she won't get help until she needs it, but I have also been reading that we should not be afraid to push, people don't have to hit rock bottom, they might die while we wait around for them to,get help.

Would anyone share what he/she thinks? Should I just leave it alone? Message her a couple of times a week, see how she is doing? Go down and drag her to rehab? I wouldn't even know about this if she hadn't messaged me, and I do always try to fix people's lives, which I am learning to not do anymore, but still...I wish someone had pushed me to get to rehab before I did. I wasted a lot of time being drunk.

Thank you for any help,
Peace,
Nancy

pravchaw

You should leave it alone - but make sure you leave a thread connecting you and your cousin, so she has a person to turn to when she comes around.

I am the dad of a marijuana addict. I have tried everything to keep him sober without success. Then I begin to let go - look after myself. He is now experiencing the full brunt of negative consequences of his actions and may be (touchwood) turning around. My learning is that unless the A is ready, nothing is going to change.

nancylee

Thanks, pravchaw,
That is what I have been thinking, but was afraid she would get hurt or kill herself. But she has close family, I hope they keep an eye on her.
Nancy

neferkamichael

Nobody has abandoned me and I'm doing better because people have stood by me through good and bad times. We humans don't do very well on our own. I to wish some one had push me before I did. Rootin for the both of ya.

Recovering2

She has to be ready, and she has to do it for herself...not because you pushed her to. You have now spoken with her twice about it. She knows where you are, she contacted you. Stay away from the Codie trap of now stepping in to save her and get her to rehab. You are not abandoning her. Leave her to her Higher Power, and if/when she contacts you again be ready to offer assistance. Keep working on your own life, your own sobriety.

nancylee

Yes, good advice. Thanks. I have my own journey to continue. It is just amazing, though, to see denial in action. On WFS, most of the women are actively trying to get sober, and are past denial. I am seeing it in someone else firsthand, and it is just stunning.
Nancy