Trickyzoey

Hello, I have been reading post on this site for 3 months, ever since it occurred to me I have a drinking problem, this is my first post Last week was the final straw. I am 32 years old been with my husband for 8 years married for 2. So last week my husband an I went to Vegas and I totally lost it drank to much made a total fool of myself and fought the whole Time with my also very drunk husband. Spent a whole day afterwards in the room feeling horrible about myself.
A little back story. I have always been a drinker as long as I've been of age, also alway worked in a bar and currently still do. I met my husband in a bar and he is also a heavy drinker but alcoholism manifests itself in us differently. I am a binger He is a functioning drunk so he thinks he does not have a problem. He has been to rehab before while we broke up for a 8 month period but went back to drinking a month afterward. I would drink 3 or 4 shots after work everyday for as long as I can remember and If I get upset is as many as I can get my hands on. About 3 months ago my husband and I got into a fight and I ended up going to the local bar alone and got wasted came home and tried to attack my husband and said terrible things to him. He has a tendency to egg me on and call me names and it just escalates things more but i take responsibility for my actions. Anyway that's when the i realized that I need to stop. I would for 4 days and then when I got to work it was over the habit kicked in and I would drink and lie about it. this went on for 3 months until now. During the last three months my husband also has been drinking everyday all day unless he's at work, but after work he goes to the bar. I work night 3 days a week so he is on his own so I really don't know what he does.
I am on day six now without a drink, with no support from my husband. I am on my last day of work gone two with no drinks, I can make it one more day. That's how I have to look at it one at a time I look to the future and it scares me. I don't know what to do for my husband, I know he loves me but I think he dosent know how to help cause of his own problems. There is more to this story and I'm sure I will be sharing.thank everyone for listening I need a supportive outlet right now

Dee74

Hi and welcome TrickyZoey

I think when two drinkers are in a relationships, it's very important for each partner to focus on their own journey.

You've made some great decisions - you've stopped drinking (congrats on 6 days) and you've come here where you'll find a ton of support.

Keep working on yourself - reading and posting here - look at what works for others...who knows? you may find you become a positive influence on your husband as well

D

Hevyn

Welcome TrickyZ! Great job on your 6 days - we know how hard it is.

I was in my 30's when my drinking became out of control. I didn't do what you're doing - and I made a huge mess of my life as I continued to try & be a social drinker. I'm glad you've made the wise decision to kick it out of your life. You'll never have to deal with the pain and misery later on. Be proud of yourself, and keep posting.

Trickyzoey

Thanks for the great advice. I think your right I'm going to keep focusing on myself, staying sober and hoping for the best. I'm just going to start doing my own thing when he drinking and ignore him when I'm home mabye he will get the hint. He gets very annoying by the end of the day. Tomorrow I'm taking the dog and going on a hike, something to look forward to.

Anna

Yes, for sure, Zoey, focus on yourself and your recovery. You will get better and never have to feel so low again, and you will slow your husband with your actions that you have changed.

instant

Glad you are here Tricky. its all a bit complicated and stresful, but Im sure if you are able to stick it out thngs will sort themselves out. There is no doubt you deserve a better life.

Mizzuno

Hey there. Thank you for sharing. Our stories are similar in ways. I think we can all relate to one another on this forum. My husband and I were drinking buddies. The one thing that would come up when I decided to quit drinking, is the fact that i needed more support from my husband. Well, after time, and after a few attempts at sobriety, I realized that the only person that I needed to do this for, no matter what, was me. It doesnt matter if my husband does not support me. After time, and after I showed how serious I was the support came. He is on board and willing to listen to me If I need it. The thing is, is that i get so much support here that I do not go to him with my struggles. We have a life that is calm now. We have an existence that allows for him to drink in moderation, and I am not bothered by his drinking. Well, maybe at times. I have to do this for myself. I can not destroy myself any longer. You are doing this. The beginning is hard, and we are here for you. To make a long story short.....Keep doing what you are doing. This is just the beginning of a wonderful life my dear.

totalchange

HELLO!!!
WELCOME!!!
I believe you are doing just as you need to in order to get your life back. THis might sound harsh, but honestly worry about your habit. If he is unwilling to admit his own, then let him deal with that, it does put a strain on your relationship, but you can do it. You have made a good choice by reading and now posting keep posting, i have sent you a private message with some info in it, if you ever need someone to talk to, i can relate to you in many way.
Good luck

Trickyzoey

It's been awhile since I've posted but here I am again in trouble again. I have lost friends respect of my family and mabye my husband. Regarding my husband I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. We are both alcholics he was before me but it dosent matter I'm still where I am today. I have so much bottled up rage that I have become angry and violent when drunk. My husband and I have had some really bad fights lately. Where I wake up covered in bruises and soar all over. He says I attack him which I can see when I wake up with a bruised hand from punching him but I'm the one covered in bruises. It all is awful I have never felt so low. All I know is I have to stop drinking now! Or I won't servive I hate drinking so much when people tell me to just stop I say ok can you just stop breathing! I know it's messed up but that's how I feel. Just for the record my husband has never laid a hand on me sober not that it makes it any better. I look at what I'm writing and can't believe this is where my life is. Thanks for listening. Btw the last incident was last night but no violence just yelling this is how it goes were both drunk everything is fine then he starts getting pissy I ask him why he's mad dosnt answer then I get mad then the fight starts and he says he's mad cause I'm asking why he's mad I don't get it??

Dee74

Hi Zoey
I'm sorry for your situation.

Sometimes I think we have to look very hard at a situation and think about what's in it for us.


There are some great sticky threads on domestic violence in our Family and Friends forum, like this one.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

I hope you'll at least look through them.

Back in May I see I suggested that you needed to look at your recovery as your journey, noone else's - did you find any support back then, or just try to stay sober on your own?

D

Trickyzoey

I tried on my own and it did not work, it's only gotten worse and out of control. Thanks for your reply and I will check those out

FeelingGreat

Hi Trickyzoey, with mutual violence, you're in a very bad situation right now and I urge you to remove yourself from it. If you're serious about sobriety consider your options for support and accommodation. Are you able to move somewhere else?
AA gives great support, and there are domestic violence help lines, the Salvation Army and private counsellors. Of course SR is a fantastic resource as well. Give sobriety everything you've got.