redhead1982

Hi, er, new here so abit nervous in my first post. Ive been drinking wine quite heavy for over a year now- I grew up in london, and nearly 3 yrs ago my lovely dad died suddenly in his sleep, he was my world and my best friend. Myself and my brother had to sell his flat. With my share i bought a house and moved here to Ireland with my son- and my drink problem started about 5 months later. Now im drinking wine most days of the week. This is my 2nd attempt to stop after getting detox tablets from my dr and i drank 2 bottles of wine last night- i feel disgusted with myself. Its like there are 2 people fighting inside me- the one who wants to get healthy, start college in september and get a career- then the one who HAS to go and buy her wine at a certain time of the day, and just sits indoors drinking. My mum had an alcohol problem but my drinking makes hers look angelic. I also have depression, social anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder. I think alot of it comes down to lonliness if im honest. My family here have shown no interest unless its me contacting them, afew of them turned very nasty on me after my dad passing away, so im pretty much on my own here.

Jeni26

Hello and welcome to SR



You are no longer on your own, there are plenty of people who understand on this site x

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. My drinking took a turn for the worse after my mom died in 2007, along with the stress of handling the estate. So I know what you are going thru. Drink doesn't make grief go away.

It took another couple of years for me to finally make the decision to quit and I'm blessed to be sober. You can be too!

redhead1982

I just dont know how to- even on the detox tablets im on its like im 'programmed' by day 2 that i have to get that wine. I just want to be able to stop myself doing it and i dont know how to.

sugarbear1

Alcoholics Anonymous - Home

You won't be alone here!

Grymt

It can be extra difficult while trying to fit in to a new place. If so I'd look for something that would expose me to the people. Study, volunteering, walking around sober when I feel good about myself and politely let others be what they happen to want to be, care for my child. Slowly build a good life. I think that and continuing to learn about your problems may knock you back on track.

redhead1982

hi there yes its been hard here- and being in a country where alcohol is highly consumed and totally normal doesnt help my anxiety and agrophobia make it virtually impossible for me to mix with people- i am mostly housebound. i can see how i ended up here, i really can. But i just want to stop and function daily without drinking but just keep failing.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Redhead. Welcome to SR!

Don't be nervous about posting - it's the most welcoming and supportive place I've come across by far) You'll get a lot of help, and no one will judge you.

I hear you - I have pretty nasty situation with my relatives, and I'm living on my own. When I quitted I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to deal with all the pain and memories, and other issues without wine. But it was just fears, actually the only way to deal with all this is being sober.

Early sobriety may be quite hard to go through - but it's quite doable. Focus on one day, one hour. Do whatever it takes - stare at walls, climb the walls, eat, sleep, post and read here (helps a lot!), but do not turn to bottle. There's no magic pill against it.

But it is getting better. It is really getting better. And sober life is much better.

Best wishes to you. Stay strong, keep posting.

redhead1982

thanks for ur reply yes, its about finding new things to do in my routine, changing it around- i just dont know what to do, im not the most creative person in the world- and im mainly housebound due to my anxiety and agrophobia, so i need to think of different activities/hobbies to do indoors to change my routine......just not sure what?

Living

Welcome. Best wishes for a sober day!

MidnightBlue

Yes, sobriety takes more than just not drinking - it changes all the aspects of your life.

What to do? Start with baby steps. Do you like to cook? Try a new recipe. Just cook some dish you've never tried, don't worry about it turning "right" or "wrong", just have fun) Find something interesting to read on Internet. Remember what you was into when a child. Be easy on yourself, make little steps, and one day you'll make the entire journey. Creativity is a muscle, it takes some time to get it back in shape)

Chin up) I'm quite housebound too, but we have Internet. And here's a great community - feel free to ask or just vent out.

Take care.

quitforme79

Do you have AA where you are? In the beginning I went to a meeting every day (sometimes 2). It kept me busy & the support I have found there had been integral. My family is active in addiction so I did this without them, I know what you mean about feeling alone. We are here for you though!

sugarbear1

agrophobia hasn't stopped you from buying the alcohol in public......

Nonsensical

Been there, done that. Welcome to the wonderful world of alcohol addiction.

I hear that fight in my head, too. The part of my brain that is addicted to alcohol keeps telling the part of my brain that knows I should not drink to go get alcohol. "Just one more time" "I'll start fresh on Monday" "I'll just have 2 glasses this time" "You need to be more careful, that's all".....It's relentless.

The addicted part of my brain speaks with an Addictive Voice (AV). The AV doesn't understand anything except that it wants alcohol. It craves alcohol. It's like a 2 year-old throwing a tantrum in my head until I give it alcohol.

Freshstart57 explains AV pretty well in this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

You might want to give it a look. You can tell that AV, "No".

Good Luck!

redhead1982

Agrophobia stops me doing many things in my life, I was referring to going for walks etc outside- i havent done that in nearly 2 yrs since moving here- that is quite an unfair comment to make to me- unless you suffer with an anxiety disorder or agrophobia you have no idea of what the sufferer goes thru on a daily basis- and i dont buy it in public- id park my car by the door of the petrol station and run in and straight back out to my car, then back safely at home in 2 seconds. So please dont make comments with regards to agrophobia if ya dont understand the illness ok.

MidnightBlue

Can you see a counsellor about social anxiety disorder and depression? I am not familiar with this disorder but I believe that professional help won't hurt. My counsellor helped me a lot with depression issues.

deeker

I found that a lot of my anxiety dissipated when I got sober as I wasn't feeling shame,guilt and remorse everyday. How did I do that I forced myself to go to AA/NA meetings.

If you keep drinking your anxiety will continue cuz you are just adding more shameful things to your story. That is why I couldn't walk down the street or go shopping cuz I felt such shame inside. People drink cuz of anxiety and drinking just brings on more anxiety. It's a never ending cycle, Get off the merry go round and walk thru your fear and get to a meeting.

You have to get unstuck. Lots a people here are giving you suggestions. Take them, You won't know if they work unless you try them. God Bless!

least

I used to drink wine all day, every day, but I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink... and now I'm living sober. You can too.

Dee74

Hi Redhead - welcome

There are a number of our members here who suffer from agoraphobia or social anxiety.

I think what SB was trying to say was if we don't let it stop our addiction, we shouldn't let it stop our recovery either....

I think thats a fair enough comment, and I say that as someone with a history of quite crippling social anxiety.

If getting out/crowds/face to face interaction is a problem for you, there are alternatives.

I used SR a lot. I'd encourage you to do the same.
Check out our May thread for everyone quitting or trying to quit this month.

There are also online meetings now of most recovery methods, including AA but lots of others too.

There are some recovery methods that do not rely on mettings at all - like AVRT which someone mentioned above, so thats another angle.

There's always a way forward

D

Hevyn

Pleased to meet you, redhead. I hope not being alone anymore will help you - I felt so much better after I found SR. I never knew others felt just like I did, & it made all the difference to be able to discuss my feelings.