My journey through 30 in 30
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Des Moines, IA
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My journey through 30 in 30 (on my way to 90 in 90)
I thought it would be a good idea for me to share my journey with 30 in 30 (30 meetings in 30 days). I know that a lot of times it's 90 in 90, but I want to start slow and then I'll progress to 90 in 90. I'm a few days behind, so here are my first 3 days
Day 1- May 1st
We will call this my "home" group. This was truly my first AA meeting ever. I've been thru treatment twice but actually never went to AA the first time around. I was recommended to this meeting from another person with a lot of sobriety.
Topic- May 1st reading from "Daily Reflections"
-Today we reflected on the fact that when you are actively using, no one really knows who you are as a person. I could directly relate to this topic because I recently lost my fiancee due to my alcoholism. Once she found out I was an alcoholic she realized she had no idea who I was as a man and that she couldn't spend her life with me any longer. What a PERFECT reading for my first AA meeting ever! Not only did my fiancee not know me as a person... I don't know myself as a person. Today is the start to my life long journey!
For those of you who haven't read my previous posts, I lost my fiancee due to my alcoholism and that was my rock bottom. That's what brought me here and what has driven me to become sober. It's made me realize I have no idea who I am as a person. I'm not doing it for her though I'm doing it for ME!
I am very anti-social but I had to step out of my comfort zone because I NEEDED to share my pain and what I was going through. It took everything I had, but I shared my experience of losing my fiancee (shedding many many tears), and it felt great to get it out!
I was surprised when 2 people came up to me after the meeting and gave me their numbers for support. I have never felt so supported in my life (outside of my family), and it was only my first day!
Day 2- May 2nd
Topic- A poem on taking ACTION
-I attended my "home" meeting again this day. I don't have the exact poem, however the poem made me reflect on my first round of treatment and how I never took action. I never worked the program or took the action or made the effort to become sober. I would sit in group and participate, knowing full well I was going to drink again some day...soon! I literally floated through the program. I was able to do it with flying colors (which goes right back to the lesson learned on day 1).
-Taking action to become sober doesn't only mean going to AA and following the 12 steps, it means taking action in helping others as well. By becoming active in your community and helping others you are also progressing in your sobriety. You can definitely help yourself by helping others.
Day 3- May 3rd
Topic- Daily reflection book- "Cleaning House"
-I am back home with my family about an hour from my home meeting so I had to catch a meeting in my home town. This was the first time I've tried a different meeting other than my home meeting.
-Today's topic tells us that it's easy to talk to God and have an intimate conversation with God but to sit down face-to-face with someone and truly be honest is much more difficult. Basically, today's reading is step 6. Once you experience the admittance of being an alcoholic you can appreciate the spiritual significance of the program.
-I am still new to the program so I am far from step 6, however I can say this is the first time in my life that I've been honest with myself in not only realizing, but admitting that I am an alcoholic.
Day 1- May 1st
We will call this my "home" group. This was truly my first AA meeting ever. I've been thru treatment twice but actually never went to AA the first time around. I was recommended to this meeting from another person with a lot of sobriety.
Topic- May 1st reading from "Daily Reflections"
-Today we reflected on the fact that when you are actively using, no one really knows who you are as a person. I could directly relate to this topic because I recently lost my fiancee due to my alcoholism. Once she found out I was an alcoholic she realized she had no idea who I was as a man and that she couldn't spend her life with me any longer. What a PERFECT reading for my first AA meeting ever! Not only did my fiancee not know me as a person... I don't know myself as a person. Today is the start to my life long journey!
For those of you who haven't read my previous posts, I lost my fiancee due to my alcoholism and that was my rock bottom. That's what brought me here and what has driven me to become sober. It's made me realize I have no idea who I am as a person. I'm not doing it for her though I'm doing it for ME!
I am very anti-social but I had to step out of my comfort zone because I NEEDED to share my pain and what I was going through. It took everything I had, but I shared my experience of losing my fiancee (shedding many many tears), and it felt great to get it out!
I was surprised when 2 people came up to me after the meeting and gave me their numbers for support. I have never felt so supported in my life (outside of my family), and it was only my first day!
Day 2- May 2nd
Topic- A poem on taking ACTION
-I attended my "home" meeting again this day. I don't have the exact poem, however the poem made me reflect on my first round of treatment and how I never took action. I never worked the program or took the action or made the effort to become sober. I would sit in group and participate, knowing full well I was going to drink again some day...soon! I literally floated through the program. I was able to do it with flying colors (which goes right back to the lesson learned on day 1).
-Taking action to become sober doesn't only mean going to AA and following the 12 steps, it means taking action in helping others as well. By becoming active in your community and helping others you are also progressing in your sobriety. You can definitely help yourself by helping others.
Day 3- May 3rd
Topic- Daily reflection book- "Cleaning House"
-I am back home with my family about an hour from my home meeting so I had to catch a meeting in my home town. This was the first time I've tried a different meeting other than my home meeting.
-Today's topic tells us that it's easy to talk to God and have an intimate conversation with God but to sit down face-to-face with someone and truly be honest is much more difficult. Basically, today's reading is step 6. Once you experience the admittance of being an alcoholic you can appreciate the spiritual significance of the program.
-I am still new to the program so I am far from step 6, however I can say this is the first time in my life that I've been honest with myself in not only realizing, but admitting that I am an alcoholic.
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Congrats LC
I never thot of 30 in 30 coz as u said its always 90 in 90. But its u're sobriety so u take it @ u're own pace...good postings btw...sry bout loosing u're fiancé over this horrible disease. You can honor him(if don't mind me saying) by stating that u'll stay sober no matter what comes u're way in life. I'm going thru my own issues but I'm determined more than ever that if this is the 1st thing I do successfully then I'm damn proud of myself!
I never thot of 30 in 30 coz as u said its always 90 in 90. But its u're sobriety so u take it @ u're own pace...good postings btw...sry bout loosing u're fiancé over this horrible disease. You can honor him(if don't mind me saying) by stating that u'll stay sober no matter what comes u're way in life. I'm going thru my own issues but I'm determined more than ever that if this is the 1st thing I do successfully then I'm damn proud of myself!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by 1newcreation 
Congrats LC
I never thot of 30 in 30 coz as u said its always 90 in 90. But its u're sobriety so u take it @ u're own pace...good postings btw...sry bout loosing u're fiancé over this horrible disease. You can honor her(if don't mind me saying) by stating that u'll stay sober no matter what comes u're way in life. I'm going thru my own issues but I'm determined more than ever that if this is the 1st thing I do successfully then I'm damn proud of myself!
I never thot of 30 in 30 coz as u said its always 90 in 90. But its u're sobriety so u take it @ u're own pace...good postings btw...sry bout loosing u're fiancé over this horrible disease. You can honor her(if don't mind me saying) by stating that u'll stay sober no matter what comes u're way in life. I'm going thru my own issues but I'm determined more than ever that if this is the 1st thing I do successfully then I'm damn proud of myself!
I'm assuming you were talking about my fiancee. Thank you for the support!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Eire
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Very interesting Lastchance, thanks for sharing. I plan to attend my first AA tonight. I figure I need to dig further into why I drink the way I do (well did, sober now just over 2 months). My support group meeting twice a week, is helping support wise, but I know deep down, its not enough, I'm hovering on the surface and need to really face stuff. Be interesting to follow your AA experience, look forward to future posts. Best wishes. Sorry about your break up. Glad you have support of AA as an outlet for those painful emotions.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Originally Posted by Tammy47
Very interesting Lastchance, thanks for sharing. I plan to attend my first AA tonight. I figure I need to dig further into why I drink the way I do (well did, sober now just over 2 months). My support group meeting twice a week, is helping support wise, but I know deep down, its not enough, I'm hovering on the surface and need to really face stuff. Be interesting to follow your AA experience, look forward to future posts. Best wishes. Sorry about your break up. Glad you have support of AA as an outlet for those painful emotions.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 429
Originally Posted by lastchance24
I started AA the same day that I started my outpatient treatment and I can say that they are 2 completely different animals. I sincerely enjoy AA and they truly make you feel like family from day 1. Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat.
How I started to view it was, Treatment helps me understand the physical/mental side of my addiction, AA Helps we tie it in with my Emotional, Spiritual side that is NEEDED for my recovery.
Besides after I completed my 3 months of treatment I honestly only see 2 other people I went through treatment with & are part of my sober support system,
Oh & did I mention where I see them at, MY AA MEETINGS!
And I see my AA family all the time now! Its awesome!
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Day 4-May 4th
Once again I'm back in my home town with my parents so I went to the same place for a meeting as yesterday.
-Today was a reading out of the book "living sober." The topic today was about alcoholics and medication. Basically we talked a lot about "cross addiction" and how many doctors don't realize how alcoholics shouldn't be taking drugs that are addictive. The conversation was very diverse as some people thought it was bad for alcoholics to be on addictive meds, and some people thought it was ok. I will put in my 2 cents...
I personally do not have a problem with "cross addiction." I am on Klonopin for anxiety. I have been on klonopin for a long time now. For me I do not have a problem destroying my body with alcohol but I am DEATHLY afraid of any other drug. I take my klonopin as directed and will never take more than I am prescribed. I have no desire to ever try another drug (heroin, cocaine, etc). This just shows you how powerful and uncontrollable alcoholism can be. The Klonopin helps me tremendously with anxiety. I want to get off the medication at some point in time but I hear the withdrawals from Klonopin can be even worse than heroin, cocaine, or any other drug. Anyone else have experience with this medication?
-We also discussed another topic today relating to letting go of your past. You can't truly move forward until you let go of your past. I am at this crossroads in my life at this point... I can't let go of my past. I'm working on it daily, and slowly...but it's a struggle! Someone at the meeting today put it perfectly, he said "not making it to a meeting makes me grumpy now." I'm only a little over a week into my sobriety but I can see this in myself. It's hard to drag yourself out of bed sometimes to make it to the meetings, however I'm very grumpy if I don't go, and after the meetings I feel great. It's kind of like going to the gym. You may not want to go, but after you go, you feel wonderful!
Grateful to be sober for another day!
Once again I'm back in my home town with my parents so I went to the same place for a meeting as yesterday.
-Today was a reading out of the book "living sober." The topic today was about alcoholics and medication. Basically we talked a lot about "cross addiction" and how many doctors don't realize how alcoholics shouldn't be taking drugs that are addictive. The conversation was very diverse as some people thought it was bad for alcoholics to be on addictive meds, and some people thought it was ok. I will put in my 2 cents...
I personally do not have a problem with "cross addiction." I am on Klonopin for anxiety. I have been on klonopin for a long time now. For me I do not have a problem destroying my body with alcohol but I am DEATHLY afraid of any other drug. I take my klonopin as directed and will never take more than I am prescribed. I have no desire to ever try another drug (heroin, cocaine, etc). This just shows you how powerful and uncontrollable alcoholism can be. The Klonopin helps me tremendously with anxiety. I want to get off the medication at some point in time but I hear the withdrawals from Klonopin can be even worse than heroin, cocaine, or any other drug. Anyone else have experience with this medication?
-We also discussed another topic today relating to letting go of your past. You can't truly move forward until you let go of your past. I am at this crossroads in my life at this point... I can't let go of my past. I'm working on it daily, and slowly...but it's a struggle! Someone at the meeting today put it perfectly, he said "not making it to a meeting makes me grumpy now." I'm only a little over a week into my sobriety but I can see this in myself. It's hard to drag yourself out of bed sometimes to make it to the meetings, however I'm very grumpy if I don't go, and after the meetings I feel great. It's kind of like going to the gym. You may not want to go, but after you go, you feel wonderful!
Grateful to be sober for another day!
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Lastchance, of course discuss with your doctor, etc etc. But my experience with Klonopin: I was on it for about two years. Like you, I never abused it. It's definitely a drug that causes physical dependency, but in my mind that's not the same as addictive. In my book addiction involves emotional compulsion, not just dependency. e.g. no one's addicted to their blood pressure meds, even though they're dependent on them.
Anyway! The physical dependence with that stuff is the real deal. I would forget to take it sometimes for a few days in a row and I'd have a really adverse reaction.... shaking and extreme anxiety. After a few of those I decided to go off of it as I was living abroad and didn't have easy access to refills, and I was afraid of having to stop unexpectedly at some point. So I tapered my dose down over the course of a few weeks (maybe 3 weeks? can't recall exactly) and when I went off of it I had no withdrawal symptoms. Trick is just to taper slowly, ideally with medical care.
Anyway though, when I was off it my anxiety came right back until I recently got on an SSRI to deal with it. So if you do decide to go off of it, make sure you have a medical or holistic plan for coping with anxiety. I guess what I'm saying is don't go off of it just because of peer pressure, make an informed decision with your doctor about what's good for you.
Anyway! The physical dependence with that stuff is the real deal. I would forget to take it sometimes for a few days in a row and I'd have a really adverse reaction.... shaking and extreme anxiety. After a few of those I decided to go off of it as I was living abroad and didn't have easy access to refills, and I was afraid of having to stop unexpectedly at some point. So I tapered my dose down over the course of a few weeks (maybe 3 weeks? can't recall exactly) and when I went off of it I had no withdrawal symptoms. Trick is just to taper slowly, ideally with medical care.
Anyway though, when I was off it my anxiety came right back until I recently got on an SSRI to deal with it. So if you do decide to go off of it, make sure you have a medical or holistic plan for coping with anxiety. I guess what I'm saying is don't go off of it just because of peer pressure, make an informed decision with your doctor about what's good for you.
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Originally Posted by fantail
Lastchance, of course discuss with your doctor, etc etc. But my experience with Klonopin: I was on it for about two years. Like you, I never abused it. It's definitely a drug that causes physical dependency, but in my mind that's not the same as addictive. In my book addiction involves emotional compulsion, not just dependency. e.g. no one's addicted to their blood pressure meds, even though they're dependent on them.
Anyway! The physical dependence with that stuff is the real deal. I would forget to take it sometimes for a few days in a row and I'd have a really adverse reaction.... shaking and extreme anxiety. After a few of those I decided to go off of it as I was living abroad and didn't have easy access to refills, and I was afraid of having to stop unexpectedly at some point. So I tapered my dose down over the course of a few weeks (maybe 3 weeks? can't recall exactly) and when I went off of it I had no withdrawal symptoms. Trick is just to taper slowly, ideally with medical care.
Anyway though, when I was off it my anxiety came right back until I recently got on an SSRI to deal with it. So if you do decide to go off of it, make sure you have a medical or holistic plan for coping with anxiety. I guess what I'm saying is don't go off of it just because of peer pressure, make an informed decision with your doctor about what's good for you.
Anyway! The physical dependence with that stuff is the real deal. I would forget to take it sometimes for a few days in a row and I'd have a really adverse reaction.... shaking and extreme anxiety. After a few of those I decided to go off of it as I was living abroad and didn't have easy access to refills, and I was afraid of having to stop unexpectedly at some point. So I tapered my dose down over the course of a few weeks (maybe 3 weeks? can't recall exactly) and when I went off of it I had no withdrawal symptoms. Trick is just to taper slowly, ideally with medical care.
Anyway though, when I was off it my anxiety came right back until I recently got on an SSRI to deal with it. So if you do decide to go off of it, make sure you have a medical or holistic plan for coping with anxiety. I guess what I'm saying is don't go off of it just because of peer pressure, make an informed decision with your doctor about what's good for you.
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Day 5-May 5th
Topic May 5th "Daily Reflections" reading titled "The Forest AND The Trees
-Once again today I am back in my home town, at a different meeting than my normal meeting back in Des Moines.
-To make things short, today's reading talks about seeing the "forest for the trees." To me this means that you only see what you want to see. Especially when you are using. I know for myself that I only saw the bottle... I didn't see the effect it was having on every other aspect of my life (my fiancee, family, relationship with friends, and my body). Today's reading reminds you to call on a higher power or someone else in AA if you are having problems seeing the forest for the trees. It took me a while to comprehend this reading, but when I did it, it really hit home.
-Another thing we discussed today was that you need to accept life on life's terms. And that you can't always expect a happy ending. I am struggling with this today that's why I bring it up. I've realized that I'm an alcoholic and that I'm powerless over alcohol, but I'm having issues letting go of the past. Mainly because I haven't gotten closure with my ex-fiancee and I NEED that for my sobriety. However she refuses to talk to me right now. We are less than 3 weeks out from our breakup so it's very fresh. So I understand her unwillingness to talk at this point. I'm just really struggling with letting go and realizing that life will happen on life's terms.
The only thing that has helped me come to terms with what's happening is that you "create your own misery." I know I need to stop blaming other people or situations for my problem and come to terms with what's happened to me recently otherwise I won't make it past step one.
If anyone has any insight on today's reading or has something similar going on I'd appreciate the feedback. Sorry the post is a little late tonight!
Glad to be sober another day!
Topic May 5th "Daily Reflections" reading titled "The Forest AND The Trees
-Once again today I am back in my home town, at a different meeting than my normal meeting back in Des Moines.
-To make things short, today's reading talks about seeing the "forest for the trees." To me this means that you only see what you want to see. Especially when you are using. I know for myself that I only saw the bottle... I didn't see the effect it was having on every other aspect of my life (my fiancee, family, relationship with friends, and my body). Today's reading reminds you to call on a higher power or someone else in AA if you are having problems seeing the forest for the trees. It took me a while to comprehend this reading, but when I did it, it really hit home.
-Another thing we discussed today was that you need to accept life on life's terms. And that you can't always expect a happy ending. I am struggling with this today that's why I bring it up. I've realized that I'm an alcoholic and that I'm powerless over alcohol, but I'm having issues letting go of the past. Mainly because I haven't gotten closure with my ex-fiancee and I NEED that for my sobriety. However she refuses to talk to me right now. We are less than 3 weeks out from our breakup so it's very fresh. So I understand her unwillingness to talk at this point. I'm just really struggling with letting go and realizing that life will happen on life's terms.
The only thing that has helped me come to terms with what's happening is that you "create your own misery." I know I need to stop blaming other people or situations for my problem and come to terms with what's happened to me recently otherwise I won't make it past step one.
If anyone has any insight on today's reading or has something similar going on I'd appreciate the feedback. Sorry the post is a little late tonight!
Glad to be sober another day!
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