Newcomer and very confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 4
Newcomer and very confused
Hello. I have no idea where to start. I came here because I'm looking for information, support, and advice. I cant be truly honest with anyone around me because I don't wanting them knowing my business. I've been reading through some threads and I don't think my situation is as bad as most people on here but none the less it still has an effect on me and I don't know what to do or how to feel.
I'm in a relationship with what I thought was a recovering addict. We have been together for about 6 months and we already live together. In the beginning he told me that he had been addicted to pain killers but had just finished his last treatment of methadone(sp) and was going to go through withdrawal. And he did. We had only been together a couple of weeks and I tried to be there for him the best I could. He slept a lot and at other times he couldn't sleep at all. He sweated and couldn't eat. It only lasted a couple weeks and then one day he just seemed to be better. The other details I cant really remember but I have never known anything about withdrawal and didn't know what to do. About a week after he was better I went through his phone because I didn't trust that he was clean. I found a text about him trying to get Percocet. He said he had told me (which I didn't recall). He also said it was a very small dose and that he was only getting it to keep his withdrawal at bay while we were out. (We were going out for my birthday). After a long discussion I let it go and he supposedly never even got it.
After that he told me he is prescribed Ritalin and takes it for energy. I later discovered he also sniffs it and takes it more then once in a while. He now has his doc prescribe him Adderall instead. He gets 10 mg pills 90 a month. He goes through these in less then 2 weeks. He says he sells a lot of them but I don't believe him. He admitted to taking 65 of them and sniffing only a couple. But I cant believe him anymore.
Back to the pain killers..... There have been a few incidents where I have caught him getting things. About a month after the Percocet incident I found a text about Suboxine (sp). I heard him say he didn't like them in the past because of the withdrawal and that's why he had used methadone instead of them to get off the pain killers. When we talked about the Subs he said he was taking it because he was having cravings. I told him I didn't want him to keep things from me and that omitting things and hiding things are the same as lying. I then caught him getting 2 80mg oxytocin. He tried to lie but eventually broke and admitted it and apologized and flushed them down the toilet. It was new years eve and he wanted to get high. He then agreed to be honest about everything even if it would upset me. I kind of regret that now. He now takes subs without a prescription to stay away from pills. At first a 8mg strip would last a week now he goes through 2-3 a week. But seems to be trying to cut back down.
I haven't discovered anything else but I don't trust him when it comes to drugs. For some reason last month I was prescribed flexural for back issues. I took 5 of the 30 he took the rest within like a week. I don't understand this and he said it was to try to get off the subs and help him sleep. But he's still on the subs. I was prescribed another script this month and he hasn't touched them thankfully.
Last night I came to the conclusion that we were both in denial. I have tried to ignore everything and just let it go. Honestly the thing that bothers me right now is the Adderall usage. Once he runs out hell buy it from his friends to get by till his next script is ready. Also I cant trust him to be honest about everything. I've tried. And when I try to discuss my feelings about everything he gets defensive and acts like I should be proud of him and have complete trust in him. I'm always afraid that he's going to go back to the pain killers or already is behind my back. He only contacts his friends when he needs subs or Adderall and that makes me suspicious because he can be getting anything from them along with the Ritalin or addys. He's afraid I'm going to leave him and before last night I had plans on being with him for the rest of my life. I know he's getting ready to propose. I'm worried he's going to give himself a heart attack or ruin his body with the addys and ritz. He already has performance issues which I think steams from the drugs and if its doing that to him what else is it doing?
I don't want to lose him. In reality the drugs don't have effect on our life if I just turn my head. He doesn't ever act differently. He works an enormous amount of time to give us a good life and beyond my emotions it hasn't impacted our daily living. He's everything I want in a man beyond the drugs. He lets me be a stay at home mom. He encourages me to go back to college which I just enrolled to start again in the fall. We get along great as long as I don't start thinking about the drugs. I don't know if its the fact that I cant control it and that's why Im so obsessed with it or if I'm really worried. It could be both. Sometimes I wonder if I'm over thinking everything. For one he works third shift and goes on 4-5 hours of sleep. Sometimes he works shifts of 16 and will only get 2-3 hours of sleep in between shifts. this is why he says he uses the Adderall and ritz. He also takes Xanax which he honestly does need. He doesn't abuse it from what I can see. But sometimes he has to take it to counteract the addys. They give him anxiety.... therefore he takes Xanax to calm him down which most of the time balances it out but sometimes if he has to take to much it'll make him tired and he has to start the process all over again. I'm scared, lost, confused, and I feel sad and alone because I have none to talk to. I also worry he is getting high on the subs or using them as a cover so that I wont know he's on pain killers. Like I said he never acts differently so I don't even know what to look for.
A little background on myself. I try to be positive but I have been fighting depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. Also My father was a very violent alcoholic and he lived in the home with me till I was 12. He then moved out, hit bottom and became sober and has been ever since. I haven't really ever dealt with the childhood I had so I don't know if that's why my boyfriends addictions are making me more anxious. He is prescribed the Adderall and Xanax. The doc even upped his Rx of the Adderall to help him with over time at work. So is this safe or his doc enabling him and hindering him from seeing that he has an addiction? Again I have no idea what to think. I don't like the sub use either but if it really is helping him stay off pills then I have to just wait till he's ready to come off of them. I know he's been on them long enough that he's going to go through withdrawal when he does. He's scared of the withdrawal. I've asked him to stop both and he says hell do it when he has vacation next month because he's not going to be able to work while going through it. I was doing research last night and I've now discovered that if he tries to quit the addys cold turkey that it could be dangerous so now I'm scared for him to quit those. So lost........
I'm in a relationship with what I thought was a recovering addict. We have been together for about 6 months and we already live together. In the beginning he told me that he had been addicted to pain killers but had just finished his last treatment of methadone(sp) and was going to go through withdrawal. And he did. We had only been together a couple of weeks and I tried to be there for him the best I could. He slept a lot and at other times he couldn't sleep at all. He sweated and couldn't eat. It only lasted a couple weeks and then one day he just seemed to be better. The other details I cant really remember but I have never known anything about withdrawal and didn't know what to do. About a week after he was better I went through his phone because I didn't trust that he was clean. I found a text about him trying to get Percocet. He said he had told me (which I didn't recall). He also said it was a very small dose and that he was only getting it to keep his withdrawal at bay while we were out. (We were going out for my birthday). After a long discussion I let it go and he supposedly never even got it.
After that he told me he is prescribed Ritalin and takes it for energy. I later discovered he also sniffs it and takes it more then once in a while. He now has his doc prescribe him Adderall instead. He gets 10 mg pills 90 a month. He goes through these in less then 2 weeks. He says he sells a lot of them but I don't believe him. He admitted to taking 65 of them and sniffing only a couple. But I cant believe him anymore.
Back to the pain killers..... There have been a few incidents where I have caught him getting things. About a month after the Percocet incident I found a text about Suboxine (sp). I heard him say he didn't like them in the past because of the withdrawal and that's why he had used methadone instead of them to get off the pain killers. When we talked about the Subs he said he was taking it because he was having cravings. I told him I didn't want him to keep things from me and that omitting things and hiding things are the same as lying. I then caught him getting 2 80mg oxytocin. He tried to lie but eventually broke and admitted it and apologized and flushed them down the toilet. It was new years eve and he wanted to get high. He then agreed to be honest about everything even if it would upset me. I kind of regret that now. He now takes subs without a prescription to stay away from pills. At first a 8mg strip would last a week now he goes through 2-3 a week. But seems to be trying to cut back down.
I haven't discovered anything else but I don't trust him when it comes to drugs. For some reason last month I was prescribed flexural for back issues. I took 5 of the 30 he took the rest within like a week. I don't understand this and he said it was to try to get off the subs and help him sleep. But he's still on the subs. I was prescribed another script this month and he hasn't touched them thankfully.
Last night I came to the conclusion that we were both in denial. I have tried to ignore everything and just let it go. Honestly the thing that bothers me right now is the Adderall usage. Once he runs out hell buy it from his friends to get by till his next script is ready. Also I cant trust him to be honest about everything. I've tried. And when I try to discuss my feelings about everything he gets defensive and acts like I should be proud of him and have complete trust in him. I'm always afraid that he's going to go back to the pain killers or already is behind my back. He only contacts his friends when he needs subs or Adderall and that makes me suspicious because he can be getting anything from them along with the Ritalin or addys. He's afraid I'm going to leave him and before last night I had plans on being with him for the rest of my life. I know he's getting ready to propose. I'm worried he's going to give himself a heart attack or ruin his body with the addys and ritz. He already has performance issues which I think steams from the drugs and if its doing that to him what else is it doing?
I don't want to lose him. In reality the drugs don't have effect on our life if I just turn my head. He doesn't ever act differently. He works an enormous amount of time to give us a good life and beyond my emotions it hasn't impacted our daily living. He's everything I want in a man beyond the drugs. He lets me be a stay at home mom. He encourages me to go back to college which I just enrolled to start again in the fall. We get along great as long as I don't start thinking about the drugs. I don't know if its the fact that I cant control it and that's why Im so obsessed with it or if I'm really worried. It could be both. Sometimes I wonder if I'm over thinking everything. For one he works third shift and goes on 4-5 hours of sleep. Sometimes he works shifts of 16 and will only get 2-3 hours of sleep in between shifts. this is why he says he uses the Adderall and ritz. He also takes Xanax which he honestly does need. He doesn't abuse it from what I can see. But sometimes he has to take it to counteract the addys. They give him anxiety.... therefore he takes Xanax to calm him down which most of the time balances it out but sometimes if he has to take to much it'll make him tired and he has to start the process all over again. I'm scared, lost, confused, and I feel sad and alone because I have none to talk to. I also worry he is getting high on the subs or using them as a cover so that I wont know he's on pain killers. Like I said he never acts differently so I don't even know what to look for.
A little background on myself. I try to be positive but I have been fighting depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. Also My father was a very violent alcoholic and he lived in the home with me till I was 12. He then moved out, hit bottom and became sober and has been ever since. I haven't really ever dealt with the childhood I had so I don't know if that's why my boyfriends addictions are making me more anxious. He is prescribed the Adderall and Xanax. The doc even upped his Rx of the Adderall to help him with over time at work. So is this safe or his doc enabling him and hindering him from seeing that he has an addiction? Again I have no idea what to think. I don't like the sub use either but if it really is helping him stay off pills then I have to just wait till he's ready to come off of them. I know he's been on them long enough that he's going to go through withdrawal when he does. He's scared of the withdrawal. I've asked him to stop both and he says hell do it when he has vacation next month because he's not going to be able to work while going through it. I was doing research last night and I've now discovered that if he tries to quit the addys cold turkey that it could be dangerous so now I'm scared for him to quit those. So lost........
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Recovery is HARD work. Some do not make it.
Recovery + A Relationship is . . . really (really, really) HARD work. Many do not make it.
Best thing YOU can do Right Now . . . is take care of YOU.
[Easier said than done, btw].
That cuts the amount of problem YOU have deal with in Half. Instantly.
Does not meet there is no longer a We, or an Us, or a Him. Just means that of ALL the stuff there is to deal with -- the ONLY thing YOU have to deal with is YOU.
Being here is a GREAT first part. Being in a 12 step program -- like Alanon is a GREAT next part, (or 8 step, like Celebrate Recovery, or whatever).
In our house, Mrs. Hammer is the so titled A, but we are together for cause. On my part, I do Alanon, and it is great for me, and Alateen is great for our daughter.
Recovery + A Relationship is . . . really (really, really) HARD work. Many do not make it.
Best thing YOU can do Right Now . . . is take care of YOU.
[Easier said than done, btw].
That cuts the amount of problem YOU have deal with in Half. Instantly.
Does not meet there is no longer a We, or an Us, or a Him. Just means that of ALL the stuff there is to deal with -- the ONLY thing YOU have to deal with is YOU.
Being here is a GREAT first part. Being in a 12 step program -- like Alanon is a GREAT next part, (or 8 step, like Celebrate Recovery, or whatever).
In our house, Mrs. Hammer is the so titled A, but we are together for cause. On my part, I do Alanon, and it is great for me, and Alateen is great for our daughter.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He’s still very much an active addict nothing about what he is doing says RECOVERY in any way shape or form.
He’s got you snowballed, telling you crap to cover his usage but I think deep down you already know this and are just hoping the things he’s told have some truth in there regarding him being a recovering addict……and sadly the answer is no.
Please protect yourself and if you are a stay at home, protect your children, they don’t have a choice in being exposed to drugs and a drug addict, you are making that decision for them.
He’s got you snowballed, telling you crap to cover his usage but I think deep down you already know this and are just hoping the things he’s told have some truth in there regarding him being a recovering addict……and sadly the answer is no.
Please protect yourself and if you are a stay at home, protect your children, they don’t have a choice in being exposed to drugs and a drug addict, you are making that decision for them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Your boyfriend has a very serious problem. He doesn't act differently to you because you have never known him sober. He's not taking the subs to stay off pills, obviously, because he's taking any pill he can get his hands on. Methadone, Suboxone, Flexeril, Xanax, Oxy, Adderall, and those are only the ones you *know* about.
I am also the adult child of an alcoholic/addict (ACoA) and I encourage you to look into how that has shaped your development and perhaps impacted your understanding of what good or normal looks like. It had a really dramatic affect on my own growth and character. Immediate feelings of "he's the one" and a reckless fear of abandonment are both regular traits for people with our backgrounds. You have a child, you can break the cycle.
This is a really hard situation, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. His using will get worse in time. Addiction is a progressive disease. Keep reading here and posting, it helps tremendously, you are not alone in this!
I am also the adult child of an alcoholic/addict (ACoA) and I encourage you to look into how that has shaped your development and perhaps impacted your understanding of what good or normal looks like. It had a really dramatic affect on my own growth and character. Immediate feelings of "he's the one" and a reckless fear of abandonment are both regular traits for people with our backgrounds. You have a child, you can break the cycle.
This is a really hard situation, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. His using will get worse in time. Addiction is a progressive disease. Keep reading here and posting, it helps tremendously, you are not alone in this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by Hammer 
Recovery is HARD work. Some do not make it.
Recovery + A Relationship is . . . really (really, really) HARD work. Many do not make it.
Best thing YOU can do Right Now . . . is take care of YOU.
[Easier said than done, btw].
That cuts the amount of problem YOU have deal with in Half. Instantly.
Does not meet there is no longer a We, or an Us, or a Him. Just means that of ALL the stuff there is to deal with -- the ONLY thing YOU have to deal with is YOU.
Being here is a GREAT first part. Being in a 12 step program -- like Alanon is a GREAT next part, (or 8 step, like Celebrate Recovery, or whatever).
In our house, Mrs. Hammer is the so titled A, but we are together for cause. On my part, I do Alanon, and it is great for me, and Alateen is great for our daughter.
Recovery + A Relationship is . . . really (really, really) HARD work. Many do not make it.
Best thing YOU can do Right Now . . . is take care of YOU.
[Easier said than done, btw].
That cuts the amount of problem YOU have deal with in Half. Instantly.
Does not meet there is no longer a We, or an Us, or a Him. Just means that of ALL the stuff there is to deal with -- the ONLY thing YOU have to deal with is YOU.
Being here is a GREAT first part. Being in a 12 step program -- like Alanon is a GREAT next part, (or 8 step, like Celebrate Recovery, or whatever).
In our house, Mrs. Hammer is the so titled A, but we are together for cause. On my part, I do Alanon, and it is great for me, and Alateen is great for our daughter.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Welcome to SR, Sunshine77, although I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I agree with atalose and interrupted - your BF is still very much an active addict. You said that you don't mind the sub use if it helps him stay off pills, but as interrupted said above, he's not staying off the pills. He's still taking anything and everything he can get his hands on. And I wouldn't say the doctor is hindering your BF, as most likely, the doctor has no idea your BF is scoring extra pills from his friends on the side. The only one hindering your BF from realizing he has a problem is your BF himself, and he doesn't seem like he has any intention of stopping anytime soon.
Please take care of yourself and your child(ren).
I agree with atalose and interrupted - your BF is still very much an active addict. You said that you don't mind the sub use if it helps him stay off pills, but as interrupted said above, he's not staying off the pills. He's still taking anything and everything he can get his hands on. And I wouldn't say the doctor is hindering your BF, as most likely, the doctor has no idea your BF is scoring extra pills from his friends on the side. The only one hindering your BF from realizing he has a problem is your BF himself, and he doesn't seem like he has any intention of stopping anytime soon.
Please take care of yourself and your child(ren).
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Pamel
What a great post about the reality of addiction, and I applaud you and your family as a whole working through this together. A rarity indeed.
Truth is it has been pretty hard and pretty horrid.
On the other hand, it has driven us running and screaming straight to the open arms of God.
I guess that is what they mean about "All things work together for good for those who love Go(o)d."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 4
The doctor that prescribes the Xanax and Adderall is the same doctor that gave him the methadone. My BF went to him telling him that he was addicted to Percocet and he offered more Percocet. My boyfriend asked for the methadone instead. So he went a program that took him down to 5mg a day. Since the oxy situation that I watched him flush by recommendation there hasn't been any opiate usage to my knowledge. That's what he said hes on the subs for. To stay away from opiates.... The Adderall I think he thinks is fine because the doctor gives it to him for energy. And the doc has even upped his Xanax dose to deal with the anxiety from the Adderall. He knows hes an addict and keeps upping his Rx ....... That makes no sense to me. As far as the muscle relaxer go I still don't get it. They don't get me high and I cant see what purpose he has in taking them. Ive had my script for a few weeks now and he hasn't touched any. You guys may be right that I don't know the sober him. But hes been on Xanax for his anxiety for 10 years and I don't think thatll ever change. Suffering from anxiety myself I understand it. As far as my children go they don't have access to any of the meds in the house. He has a son that he just won custody that lives with us also he keeps everything in his safe. The only way I can see his addiction affecting them is through me. If im upset and worried then obviously Im not being the mom I would like to be. Beyond that I cant see how it would effect them at this point in time. I understand that he is an active addict. I came to that conclusion last night. I don't think he realizes it. Compared to how he was in the past and how his friends are today he truly believes hes making an improvement. A 12 step program sounds like a good start and Im going to start seeing my counselor again. She helps me put a lot of things into perspective. Leaving is not an option for me at this point in time. I have hope still.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 4
The doctor that prescribes the Xanax and Adderall is the same doctor that gave him the methadone. My BF went to him telling him that he was addicted to Percocet and he offered more Percocet. My boyfriend asked for the methadone instead. So he went a program that took him down to 5mg a day. Since the oxy situation that I watched him flush by recommendation there hasn't been any opiate usage to my knowledge. That's what he said hes on the subs for. To stay away from opiates.... The Adderall I think he thinks is fine because the doctor gives it to him for energy. And has even upped his Xanax does to deal with the anxiety from the Adderall. As far as the muscle relaxer go I still don't get it. They don't get me high and I cant see what purpose he has in taking them. Ive had my script for a few weeks now and he hasn't touched any. You guys may be right that I don't know the sober him. But hes been on Xanax for his anxiety for 10 years and I don't think thatll ever change. Suffering from anxiety myself I understand it. As far as my children go they don't have access to any of the meds in the house. He has a son that he just won custody that lives with us also he keeps everything in his safe. The only way I can see his addiction affecting them is through me. If im upset and worried then obviously Im not being the mom I would like to be. Beyond that I cant see how it would effect them at this point in time. I understand that he is an active addict. I came to that conclusion last night. I don't think he realizes it. Compared to how he was in the past and how his friends are today he truly believes hes making an improvement. A 12 step program sounds like a good start and Im going to start seeing my counselor again. She helps me put a lot of things into perspective.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
The Adderall I think he thinks is fine because the doctor gives it to him for energy
Adderall is not prescribed for ENERGY. it's an ADHD med, sometimes use for narcolepsy, and rarely for depression.
Adderall is not prescribed for ENERGY. it's an ADHD med, sometimes use for narcolepsy, and rarely for depression.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
OK, so he’s gone from opiate usage to amphetamines. Adderall has a amphetamine property that’s why it’s highly abused by college students. It’s like speed, keeping him up for his work shifts, that’s why he told you the Dr gave it to him for “energy”. The xanax then brings him down.
Kind of scary that he won custody of a child, but good thing you came along and moved in so quickly to care for HIS child.
I hope your counselor can help you get your mind/emotions around this whole situation before his disease progress…..addiction is a progressive disease.
Kind of scary that he won custody of a child, but good thing you came along and moved in so quickly to care for HIS child.
I hope your counselor can help you get your mind/emotions around this whole situation before his disease progress…..addiction is a progressive disease.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 55
Sunshine,
I am in a similar situation to you being in love for over a year with a "recovering" addict who I just found out about a month ago has been a daily opiate user on and off for 35 years. He has been on subs for only one week, and I'm so proud. But honestly your BF will have LIVER DAMAGE from taking all those different drugs, he is involved in a lot of illegal activities possibly with some very shady characters. It WILL severely, profoundly effect you and your kids. And BTW its not "just your emotions" its how you feel. I went to my first in person Al-Anon meeting in two years last night. It was great. I look forward to sticking with it this time and getting a sponsor eventually. Good luck!!!
I am in a similar situation to you being in love for over a year with a "recovering" addict who I just found out about a month ago has been a daily opiate user on and off for 35 years. He has been on subs for only one week, and I'm so proud. But honestly your BF will have LIVER DAMAGE from taking all those different drugs, he is involved in a lot of illegal activities possibly with some very shady characters. It WILL severely, profoundly effect you and your kids. And BTW its not "just your emotions" its how you feel. I went to my first in person Al-Anon meeting in two years last night. It was great. I look forward to sticking with it this time and getting a sponsor eventually. Good luck!!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by Sunshine77
The doctor that prescribes the Xanax and Adderall is the same doctor that gave him the methadone. My BF went to him telling him that he was addicted to Percocet and he offered more Percocet.
My boyfriend asked for the methadone instead.
The Adderall I think he thinks is fine because the doctor gives it to him for energy. And the doc has even upped his Xanax dose to deal with the anxiety from the Adderall.
My boyfriend asked for the methadone instead.
The Adderall I think he thinks is fine because the doctor gives it to him for energy. And the doc has even upped his Xanax dose to deal with the anxiety from the Adderall.
OR
Are you getting this information from the addict?
My experience with addiction is that the addict will say anything to protect the addiction. Including telling me what they think I want to hear.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
