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Help
My AGF has been on a bender for a few days, she has told me to go away today- see my previous post. Her 14 year old daughter just text me asking for help..... what do i do? The last time this happened i got painted as the bad guy by everyone. I love her kids and dont want anything bad to happen, im really at a loss.......
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Their father is in the area but he seems to enable her drinking. Its just tough when young kids that you love call you to help and to keep them safe. Its just amazing how low some peoples rock bottom can be
Dear Wes58, these children need SOMEONE to help them. If you can't and neither of their parents will---then WHO??? Personally, I would consider calling child protective services or the police to go by to do a security check. Of course, you would have to make your own decision---but, really can all the adults simply turn their heads away?? REALLY??
very sincerely and concerned, dandylion
very sincerely and concerned, dandylion
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Join Date: May 2013
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You said the father seems to enable her drinking, but is he there for his kids? Does he share custody? Are they safe with him? Are there other family members who can take the kids? Are you the only one looking out for them?
Hello Wes, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation...how heart wrenching!
If it were me, I would consider that their father can at least come and get them for a while. I think that might be the way to go. Can you encourage this young girl to contact her father?
If it were me, I would consider that their father can at least come and get them for a while. I think that might be the way to go. Can you encourage this young girl to contact her father?
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i think today has worked itself out,its not red alert time anymore. The daughter is gun shy i think because the last time she reached out her parents both gave her a hard time for asking me for help. She specifically asked me to not tell her mom that she was texting me. I am really trying to work on me and not act out in anger towards the AGF. She asked to talk and i said i will not talk to her while she is under the influence. The crazy thing is, she has been going to AA daily, she is loving all of the attention she is getting there, everyone is telling her its ok etc etc. Do they ever call someone on their drinking?
The daughter is gun shy i think because the last time she reached out her parents both gave her a hard time for asking me for help.
Do they ever call someone on their drinking?
i got painted as the bad guy by everyone.
I was 12 when my mother finally got the nerve to leave.
Do you have any idea what it is like to live with an alcoholic as a parent?
Read the ACOA board, you might get a clue.
What made this girl think you would help her?
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wicked,
thanks for the reply, i am new at all of this. I am trying to figure out what to do in a very difficult situation. I do understand what its like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, my father was one and so was my grandfather. i did all of that stuff the last time and it turned out very bad for the kids and for me. I am glad she feels comfortable to reach out to me, maybe the next time i will keep my posts just about me.
thanks for the reply, i am new at all of this. I am trying to figure out what to do in a very difficult situation. I do understand what its like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, my father was one and so was my grandfather. i did all of that stuff the last time and it turned out very bad for the kids and for me. I am glad she feels comfortable to reach out to me, maybe the next time i will keep my posts just about me.
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Hi Wes...sorry for this situation.
I certainly do not have the answers, but maybe a few questions to help find some possible alternatives to reaching out to you...are the children able to get to an Alateen group? Maybe they would learn some additional coping skills and support there. Do they have any close friends or neighbors that could give them a break from mom when needed? CPS is always a possibility, as other posters have said.
I certainly do not have the answers, but maybe a few questions to help find some possible alternatives to reaching out to you...are the children able to get to an Alateen group? Maybe they would learn some additional coping skills and support there. Do they have any close friends or neighbors that could give them a break from mom when needed? CPS is always a possibility, as other posters have said.
[QUOTE= The crazy thing is, she has been going to AA daily, she is loving all of the attention she is getting there, everyone is telling her its ok etc etc. Do they ever call someone on their drinking?[/QUOTE]
As far as I know they just keep encouraging them to make the right choices the next time around, call their sponsor, etc. Use a different focus or coping mechanism rather than drink. My AH went to meetings and then would go directly to the bar afterward or call his sponsor as he sat belly up to the bar drinking away. If they are not serious about quitting it becomes a nothing but a show to those around them, the see, I'm going, but it's just not working, blah, blah, blah...Let me share with you the one thing I picked up on after attending a 4 day program on alcoholism and recovery at a well known rehab center...The A has to be WILLING to work the tools they are given either thru AA or rehab itself. No one will "call someone out" in AA because they assume that if they are there, they will willingly work the steps. If not they'll just eventually disappear and stop going just as my Ah did in the end. Even the AA attention will grow old to them.
As far as I know they just keep encouraging them to make the right choices the next time around, call their sponsor, etc. Use a different focus or coping mechanism rather than drink. My AH went to meetings and then would go directly to the bar afterward or call his sponsor as he sat belly up to the bar drinking away. If they are not serious about quitting it becomes a nothing but a show to those around them, the see, I'm going, but it's just not working, blah, blah, blah...Let me share with you the one thing I picked up on after attending a 4 day program on alcoholism and recovery at a well known rehab center...The A has to be WILLING to work the tools they are given either thru AA or rehab itself. No one will "call someone out" in AA because they assume that if they are there, they will willingly work the steps. If not they'll just eventually disappear and stop going just as my Ah did in the end. Even the AA attention will grow old to them.
wicked,
thanks for the reply, i am new at all of this. I am trying to figure out what to do in a very difficult situation. I do understand what its like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, my father was one and so was my grandfather. i did all of that stuff the last time and it turned out very bad for the kids and for me. I am glad she feels comfortable to reach out to me, maybe the next time i will keep my posts just about me.
thanks for the reply, i am new at all of this. I am trying to figure out what to do in a very difficult situation. I do understand what its like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, my father was one and so was my grandfather. i did all of that stuff the last time and it turned out very bad for the kids and for me. I am glad she feels comfortable to reach out to me, maybe the next time i will keep my posts just about me.
I want to apologize. I reacted out of my own fear and anger. Working on my own issues, it was poor form for me to take your inventory.
I am deeply sorry.
I hope you find what you are looking for here.
I have a lot or work to do on me. Sorry.
Beth
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