detachment and a bunch of other stuff... also posted in friends and fam of alcoholics
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 78
detachment and a bunch of other stuff... also posted in friends and fam of alcoholics
last nights topic at alanon was detachment.. when it came to my turn to speak, i really didnt have anything to say because its hard for me to feel like im making any progress or doing any work.
what i did say was that i feel like i have detached from the wrong people, like my mom and brothers who have always been there for me... i know theyre concerned and probably dissapointed in my choice to keep staying here.. so its kind of like avoidance / trying to get my crap together and cant handle alot of stuff right now ....
and where i need to detach i dont. like with my recovering alcoholic addict husband.... i cant seem to detach from the things i need to. and its not him its me. my issues i cant seem to dive into and get going with, but he says things (like we are going to church to the kids) and they expect that to happen, and they get let down because he will lay in bed and not get ready and i get PISSED . my issues are that i dont want to go alone. with the kids.
i am downright lazy anymore. not really, but as soon as he comes around i feel like he should pick up my slack because thats what he used to do when he was active.
i was in a funk . he would get dinner cook dinner do the baths and some homework, laundry , even serve me.
i dont know what the hell it is i think he was MY enabler. is there an addiction to laziness??
I seem to notice that it doesnt matter if he was using or if he is sober , whenever he comes around, and hes not acting how i would like to the kids or his mood sucks or he isnt making anything easier for me i get kind of immobile until he is gone. like the life gets sucked out of me. has anyone else been through this? its debilitating.
while he was gone in rehab i could handle it alllll i had to.
i dont know what this is. i want to do it all housework and kids and the extras but these moods keep making me waste time by just laying around.
god grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change -
my husband not fulfilling his promises to the kids and myself
the courage to change the things i can-
to get off my butt and to do the things i have the ability to do
and the wisdom to know the difference.
i have the wisdom to see what i can and cant control
maybe i should pray for strength and perserverance to follow through on what needs to be done.
anyway, back to detachment.....
i was lying in bed thinking of what someone said at the alanon meeting last night,
how alcoholics or addicts push our buttons and they are so good at it, and how sometimes we get sucked in before we realize it
and i pictured the next time i started to feel angry or resentment towards my husband that i would picture him pushing an actual button and that would make me detach from him.
maybe thats what i need to do from now on when i start to feel a way i dont like. like hes making me detach from him by acting that way.
otherwise i have been in a fog and analyzing this whole time when i really dont need to do that.
i just need to get my big girl panties on and step back up to the plate with out feeling overwhelmed,
no school today so im going to leave here, i have made some simple choresss up that arent perfection, just progress.... the girls are going to help....we will see how that goes, and i wont scream at them and or nag if they arent helping. the consequence will be that the longer they take to help do a quick clean up the longer it will take to go enjoy this beautiful day.
and i refuse to get myself all wound up, if i feel myself getting wound up if i have to keep asking them to finish up, we jusst wont go anywhere or do anything fun today and that will let them know there are consequences, and moms not such a nag about getting us to clean clean clean
and i let hubby know that it would be awesome to do something as a family after hes done with his outpatient this afternoon....
so i wont hold him up to it.
i will try my best to keep on moving with this day no matter how he acts or if he doesnt end up wanting to come with us.
serenity. im trying to achieve it ...
what i did say was that i feel like i have detached from the wrong people, like my mom and brothers who have always been there for me... i know theyre concerned and probably dissapointed in my choice to keep staying here.. so its kind of like avoidance / trying to get my crap together and cant handle alot of stuff right now ....
and where i need to detach i dont. like with my recovering alcoholic addict husband.... i cant seem to detach from the things i need to. and its not him its me. my issues i cant seem to dive into and get going with, but he says things (like we are going to church to the kids) and they expect that to happen, and they get let down because he will lay in bed and not get ready and i get PISSED . my issues are that i dont want to go alone. with the kids.
i am downright lazy anymore. not really, but as soon as he comes around i feel like he should pick up my slack because thats what he used to do when he was active.
i was in a funk . he would get dinner cook dinner do the baths and some homework, laundry , even serve me.
i dont know what the hell it is i think he was MY enabler. is there an addiction to laziness??
I seem to notice that it doesnt matter if he was using or if he is sober , whenever he comes around, and hes not acting how i would like to the kids or his mood sucks or he isnt making anything easier for me i get kind of immobile until he is gone. like the life gets sucked out of me. has anyone else been through this? its debilitating.
while he was gone in rehab i could handle it alllll i had to.
i dont know what this is. i want to do it all housework and kids and the extras but these moods keep making me waste time by just laying around.
god grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change -
my husband not fulfilling his promises to the kids and myself
the courage to change the things i can-
to get off my butt and to do the things i have the ability to do
and the wisdom to know the difference.
i have the wisdom to see what i can and cant control
maybe i should pray for strength and perserverance to follow through on what needs to be done.
anyway, back to detachment.....
i was lying in bed thinking of what someone said at the alanon meeting last night,
how alcoholics or addicts push our buttons and they are so good at it, and how sometimes we get sucked in before we realize it
and i pictured the next time i started to feel angry or resentment towards my husband that i would picture him pushing an actual button and that would make me detach from him.
maybe thats what i need to do from now on when i start to feel a way i dont like. like hes making me detach from him by acting that way.
otherwise i have been in a fog and analyzing this whole time when i really dont need to do that.
i just need to get my big girl panties on and step back up to the plate with out feeling overwhelmed,
no school today so im going to leave here, i have made some simple choresss up that arent perfection, just progress.... the girls are going to help....we will see how that goes, and i wont scream at them and or nag if they arent helping. the consequence will be that the longer they take to help do a quick clean up the longer it will take to go enjoy this beautiful day.
and i refuse to get myself all wound up, if i feel myself getting wound up if i have to keep asking them to finish up, we jusst wont go anywhere or do anything fun today and that will let them know there are consequences, and moms not such a nag about getting us to clean clean clean
and i let hubby know that it would be awesome to do something as a family after hes done with his outpatient this afternoon....
so i wont hold him up to it.
i will try my best to keep on moving with this day no matter how he acts or if he doesnt end up wanting to come with us.
serenity. im trying to achieve it ...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
thank you for the post...the laziness (I am told by doctors it is depression for me) description worked. i have gotten up and walked many times in my life as you are working to do. i did not know that i had an alcoholic in my life, because my dad and mom always drank. so started waking up about 12 years ago as my 2nd daughter went through drug addiction. i keep on keeping on...and getting up...and each time i can't...i work some more on my own stuff...well...work on that as much in between too. the small steps seem to have led to bigger steps...but i can only see progress looking back...today is the day we can do. it is hard for me to write this...as i am afraid that i do everything wrong...and it often keeps me from starting...but starting is the only way for me to move forward. one thing at a time...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
