JourneyParadise

Hi, I don't know how to start but here goes. My sister is 38 and is a drug user, she has two children and lives with our family still. Funny thing is she has been meaning to move out for 8 years now.

We've tried I don't know how many times to help her, she relapsed so many times, that happens I realise in recovery. She has done some terrible things. And, me and mum have forgiven her, and been there to support her. She's lazy and just acts like a teenager.

I think she literally has broken me now. Going through all this with my sister, I've been so focused on her getting better, that myself didn't matter. But, it gotten to the point where I can't forgive her anymore, I just don't have it in me. I still love her, but I also have a lot of hate towards her actions.

I've found that I have changed as a person, I don't know how to describe it, but I'm different. I don't feel like I can be bothered with people anymore, actions that people do sometimes annoy me. I can't be bothered trying anymore.

I never use to be like that. I use to be hopeful, happy, forgiving. Well, I was a push over too. I used to be very forgiving. I use to believe in things. Second chances and all that. Now, I'm just upset and angry. Not all the time, but most of it.

I can't even speak to my sister anymore. At the current moment she seems to be doing okay but I still despise her actions, and this confuses me, because I've never be the type of person to despise someone.
I know you are meant to forgive, that it takes up too much energy etc etc but i can't

Any advice? Why am I feeling like this
Has anyone felt like this?
Been in a similar situation?

Kindeyes

I have no advice but I can relate to how you feel. I collected and held on to the feelings of resentment (and all of the feelings and emotions related to resentment) and eventually I completely lost myself in them.

The good news? Sometimes we have to lose something (even ourselves) to truly appreciate it.

I can share with you how I found myself again......a better, healthier self.

I was told about a book by Melody Beattie called "Make Miracles in 40 Days" and I did the exercise in it (with a friend) daily for 40 days (actually went about 60 days).....and indeed a miracle happened. I found joy and gratitude. I lost judgements and resentments. It worked for me. I still do that exercise when I begin to feel myself slipping into thoughts and feelings of resentment. I do what I need to do to take care of myself.

I'm so sorry that you are caught up in the chaos that is addiction. It can steal the life not only of the person addicted, but also the life of everyone around it if they let that happen. You can break the pattern of chaos in your life whenever you're ready.

gentle hugs
ke