Self Esteem and Self Worth

Old 04-27-2013, 06:16 AM
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Self Esteem and Self Worth

I have always prided myself on my intellectual achievements such as getting a 4.0 in high school and college, getting into law school, and always enjoying reading and writing. I always felt that education was priceless and that the more educated I became the happier I would be and the better types of people I would attract.

We all know that addiction does not discriminate and not only did I end up being an addict, but I surrounded myself with other addicts. Luckily, I kept up my grade and got into law school despite my addiction, but I never realized that I was surrounding myself with the wrong type of people and doing the exact opposite of what I had intended. I wasn't surrounding myself with like-minded people and therefore I was putting myself in unsafe situations and compromising my future and my life was becoming harder and harder. Every codie knows dealing with one addict causes our lives to spin out of control, now imagine only being surrounded by addicts!

As I continued to surround myself with the wrong people and the more I worked to make those people happy (addicts are the most needy people on earth). I soon found myself miserable and in a deep depression. I spent all my time trying to please the same friends that were compromising my future. I stopped taking care of myself, lost my motivation for school, and just felt like a zombie going through the motions. No matter how hard I tried to please everyone, no matter how much I ran around, no matter how many hours I spent on the phone these people were still unhappy and telling me I wasn't a good friend because I wasn't dedicated enough.

Fast forward to now! I am in recovery and I have eliminated all of those friends that had been sucking me dry. I changed my phone number and moved 12 hours away to go to law school and left all of those people back there. I have been working EXTREMELY hard at making ME time. I am putting myself first and making sure that my needs are met before I even contemplate doing something for someone else.

Also, I have been VERY careful with who I become friends with. I know that being a codie I tend to gravitate towards the person that I needy or clingy and therefore I have made myself really analyze why I was becoming friends with someone and if they were a good fit for me. Although thinking so much about who I become friends with might seem a little crazy, I have learned that in order to be healthy I need to take a step back and protect myself by putting the extra effort into who I let into my life.

Lastly, I have set time aside for myself every morning to get ready. Before I would roll out of bed and run out the door feeling like crap about myself. Now I wake up pick out a nice outfit, do my hair and make up. I can't describe what a difference getting ready in the morning has made to my mental health. When I walk out the door feeling pretty my entire mood is different and I feel confident. I no longer push my needs aside and getting ready in the morning helps me make sure that I am taking care of myself. I have even started getting my nails done again because it helps me feel good about myself. Although it might seem a little vain to worry about doing hair make up and nails..the fact that I get ready for ME and not for anyone else is a positive change in thinking for me. Also, we need to put our needs first and if getting ready helps put me in a positive mood and make me feel confident then I don't care how vain it may seem to others haha.

Sorry this post is so long! It feels good to sit down and think about how far I have come. Sure is a bunch more work I need to do to get myself as healthy emotionally and physically as I can, every step forward is something to celebrate.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday! Do something that makes YOU happy and don't forget we have all come so far!
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Old 04-27-2013, 08:21 AM
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maylie...

i feel the same way about getting ready in the morning and i still don't do it often enough. i'm exhausted so i'm usually running late and can barely make myself presentable (in MY opinion). but when i do take the time it makes such a difference to me ON THE INSIDE. and it really is for NO ONE but me which makes it that much more meaningful, i think. for some reason, something that seems so insignificant, or sometimes vain, as you said, turns out to be really important. it's hard to talk about little things like this to people in my day-to-day life because usually something like getting ready in the morning is a given and not a big deal. here, it's understood...
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Old 04-27-2013, 08:47 AM
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Mstrust your right people in my day to day life would look at me so confused if I talked about how much getting ready in the morning changes my mood and outlook on the day. It is so nice to be able to come on here where there is whole community of people who understand to share little accomplishments like doing something for myself.

People take for granted doing things for themselves. When I overhear people saying how selfish someone was for putting themselves first I want to stop the person and tell them how although some people do take it overboard and need to give more ..there is whole community of people who have forgotten to do things for themselves and for some it is struggle and a huge accomplishment to put ourselves first.
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Old 04-27-2013, 11:17 AM
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If you don't put YOUR oxygen mask on first------you will very shortly lose the capacity to help anyone else.
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Old 04-27-2013, 11:26 AM
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Great message. Thanks for posting.
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Old 04-27-2013, 11:43 AM
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Vale that's a simple and great way to sum it all up.

Oh and by the way I love you picture lol
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Old 04-27-2013, 12:03 PM
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It's interesting that your morning routine is an important part of your recovery -- I've found that it is for me, as well. While my ex-partner was living with me, I would waste hours and hours in bed with him, but this had nothing to do with sex or intimacy. I would lay there for hours at night, unable to sleep, and wondering why because I typically don't have such problems.... eventually, I would drift to sleep, but it would be a shallow and unproductive kind, so that I'd wake up feeling just as tired, even though I had technically gone to bed 10-12 hours earlier.

And I would often STAY in bed afterwards for long periods, for no reason, as if I was WAITING for something to happen. Or, as if I was scared to start the day, because I knew that it was just a matter of time, of moments, for the next crisis...

I understand now that I was living in a situation of constant fear, and that adrenaline was flooding my brain whenever I was in contact with him. I was living with a ticking bomb, but one that would explode in violence, and then I would pick up the pieces and put them back together, and facilitate the cycle of explosions over and over again. My emotional/spiritual being was out of balance and I had my own chemical imbalance that was affecting my decision-making process; it wasn't just his substance addiction that was in the mix.

After the first couple of weeks without contact with my ex-partner, I noticed that I was sleeping deeply again, and waking up refreshed, after only 7 or so hours. Now I get out of bed quickly, ready to start my day; my productivity has increased dramatically and I feel that I am actually moving forward, and not drowning in tasks. And the muscles around my eyes aren't tight, my heart isn't beating so hard that I can feel it in my throat... I imagine that it's a bit like what people feel after living through wartimes, when the sky is no longer something to fear.

I think this is the beginning of taking care of myself, first, which is something I've never really done before.
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Old 04-27-2013, 03:13 PM
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Funny how just spending $15 on a manicure for yourself makes you feel better than buying a pack of cigarettes for someone else. Now I have money to spend.
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Old 04-27-2013, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Maylie View Post
Vale that's a simple and great way to sum it all up.

Oh and by the way I love you picture lol
Thank You.

(duck derrieres are harder to find than you might think on Google Image)
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Old 04-27-2013, 10:00 PM
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MiSoberBio I have had the same experience with quality of sleep. I would lay in bed forever and literally have to coach myself into getting out of bed. When people would ask why I looked so exhausted I would make up some excuse but I wasn't only telling those excuses to the people around me though, I was telling them to myself and I was starting to believe my own excuses for why I never had energy. It is amazing how not having boundaries will affect every little part of our lives and how creating them and how relieving it is when we finally put ourselves first and we start to regain some control of our lives.

Broken101, exactly. I didn't realize how much even the smallest tasks were eating at me such as going to buy a pack of cigs. I ended up being so resentful that I would try to make everyone else happy but the there was nothing left for me! Now I treat myself and I love it
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