Change4good

I have been a member of this community since December, 2011. Sounds trite, but this place has truly saved me in the darkest of hours.

I have had many relapses, and committed to myself that I wouldn't post again until I had 30 sober days behind me. It just became too hard to admit to you all that I had fallen down yet again. And I also felt that I would be of better service to others if I offered words of support instead of focusing on myself.

So I had those 30 days, and came back a couple of days ago. And tomorrow I will have to begin at Day 1 again.

I don't know if I have a point to this post, except to say I continue to struggle, and felt the need to reconnect. I find comfort in seeing familiar people, who continue to offer up great support as they welcome the new folks. And I also enjoy reading posts from those new folks, who might be in pain, but are reaching out as I did.

That is all.

Michael66

God bless you Change4Good - it's never easy admitting to relapses, but I'm so glad you now feel able to post here fall-and-all rather than waiting until a certain number of days sober. Looking back, a mistake I made for years was keeping the struggle to myself.

Join us on the wagon tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many times you fall off, you are always welcome back on.

hypochondriac

Just keep on trying Change4good

I am not sure that committing to not post til you have reached a certain target is a good incentive though. I don't think any incentive ever worked with me really. What have you tried to help you before? Maybe make a list and work through all of the possible alternatives til you find what works for you x

SereneEdition

Hi Change -

I'm glad that you're here and posting again. And that you're continuing to pursue recovery. Anything valuable is hard work.

Anecdotally, it took Edison MANY attempts before he invented the lightbulb. Story Below:
---

When Thomas Edison was interviewed by a young reporter who boldly asked Mr. Edison if he felt like a failure and if he thought he should just give up by now. Perplexed, Edison replied, "Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." And shortly after that, and over 10,000 attempts, Edison invented the light bulb.

---

Permanent Sobriety may be just around the corner for you too.
(I imagine that it's taken me close to 300 tries before I made it longer than a week myself)

ClearLight

Don't give up. I've had about 1,000 day 1's.

Use what you learned in the last thirty days and maybe it will stick even linger this time.

RevivingOphelia

"I stumbled before I saw." -- Gloucester, King Lear.

You will conquer this--don't give up.

soberclover

As I was logging on I was thinking about how closed down I was feeling and I know how bad that is for me. Reading your post was inspirational to me. It reminded me how important it is to not shut myself off...just like you are doing by reaching out.

least

I failed more times than I'd like to admit, but I never gave up and I finally 'got it'. Don't give up! Start over and make this your last day one.

SnwFlower

It's a new day. You can do it!

chrisb245

Thanks for your post! I too have had a ton of relapses. I think my plan was to pick up 30 white chips and turn them in for a 30 day!

It does get better.

sugarbear1

Keep trying!

I read this forum for 8 years before I could get to a point where I could stay stopped.

With love & hugs,
SB

Jeni26

So pleased you're back with us. Many of us relapse, sometimes many times before it clicks. Never give up trying. This can be your last ever day 1. X

zombiefan

The first day seems hard the second day seems hard but a year later you'll look back and realize it wasn't that hard

Fallow

Hi C4G! I have been a member here a while too and I remember not posting because I started drinking again and felt I was not worthy or had nothing to contribute.

I have always loved your posts. I dont think there is any good reason you should wait to post until you have x amount of clean time. You obviously know a lot about how all of this works.

Just keep trying to put it all into action!

I lurked here for a year or so b4 joining and I only have a few months. It takes time and lots of effort I think.

Best wishes

Pamel

Change4Good, I have been doing this for so many years now...getting a LOT of time and then I let something de-rail me. Somehow, this time I think I have hit my bottom (just out of rehab and doing EVERYTHING suggested without question.

In all those past sober years though, I have built a life.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!

neferkamichael

Chhange4good, you are FANTASTIC, never give up, and keep posting please.

ElegantlyWasted

Hmmm.. I could have written the exact same thing subbing in join date as 2008, longest time sober (a little under a year) and and current stretch w/out a drink ( a little under 48 hours). The thing to me is maybe try something a little different this time. Just know you are not alone and this stuff is kinda crazy. Keep quittin' till you quit.

Dee74

Welcome back C4G

Noone should ever feel embarrassed, fearful or ashamed of posting here.
Helping people through active addiction and relapses is what we do here

Everyone of us has been where you are right now, or somewhere very similar.

I hope this time you'll find whatever it is you need to do to make this your last day one

D

Darkplace2013

Change4good don't be too hard on yourself. I know what your going through and I'll offer you any support I can give. I too am struggling daily so let's do it together. Everyone here is supportive of you don't forget that.

Hevyn

Change, I may seem like an old pro at this - but I drank for decades, & I was still drinking when I came here. I knew in my heart what had to be done, but it was so hard to let go. Not sure why, since all drinking brought me was misery. I kept reading and posting, and after awhile I finally 'got it' and now have 5+ yrs. sober. I'll never go back.

You can do this, we know you can. You haven't given up on yourself and you've kept reaching out - that's the important thing.