Brittany81

I'm asking for help because I think my husband is an alcoholic. He drinks a lot but not everyday. When he is hungover he always says I'm never drinking again or at least for a while. 2 days later, he is drinking again. He can't stop at just a few either, if he runs out of beer, he wants a liquor drink and will drink until he passes out. 3 to 4 times a week. Lately, he has been aggressive when he drinks to much. Usually he is over affectionate, but lately, he has been very aggressive. He grabbed me pretty hard tonight when I tried to get him off of the couch and go to bed, he passed out on the couch again. I don't know what to do. Please help. He is getting worse and I don't want to expose my children to aggressive alcoholism. I won't deny that I drink as well, but maybe once a week and I don't get so drunk I pass out with a lit cigarette or forget who I am or what I'm doing. I'm not innocent in this but I don't know what to do. His behavior is changing and becoming worse. Please help!

Mizzuno

What is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your children?

Goat

I agree with Mizzuno. Your husband sounds like me at various phases of my drinking career. He has to make a real decision to get well on his own. You cannot do that for him... You need to focus on yourself and your children.

I hate to say it, but maybe being faced with losing you and the children will be enough to shake him up. Or maybe not.

Brittany81

I'm so confused. I moved across the country to be him, then we had kids so fast after getting married. He is 6 years older than me and I have always been a stay at home mom and I'm afraid I can't do it on my own. And my family lives 1200 miles away. We have moved 4 times in the last four years due to his career and we have only been here on Florida for a short while so I don't have many friends I can go to with this and considering my family resents him for moving me away, I can't go to them either. I feel like I'm stuck! I can't threaten to leave with the kids cause I have no where to go, I'm so confused! What do I do?

Goat

Based on your description, he sounds like an alcoholic to me. But he has to make that determination for himself. Talking to other alcoholics can help. As a non-alcoholic you will never really be able to understand his drinking. But I do. Other alcoholics do. We have all had similar experiences, and we have all been through a kind of hell.

Is there anywhere around there that he can go to talk with other alcoholics? Has he ever talked about going to an AA meeting? If he does, encourage it.

He may decide he wants what the recovering alcoholics have. That would be a very good thing.

Mizzuno

Fear will not do anything for you. Are you sure that your family will not help you? Have you tried to get help from your loved ones? What do you think you need to do?

Brittany81

Ur right, he does mention it from time to time that he thinks he may have a problem, I tell him he needs to talk to someone. But the next day, when he is not hungover, he says he is fine but just drank too much. But it's happening more and more. We have a four year old and a one year old. He is so good with the kids. And that's what is so confusing to me. It's like a light switch. Ur right, I don't understand it. I need to research more and convince him to talk to someone. But that is so hard to do. He is a former navy guy and is so stubborn, he thinks he can handle anything on his own.

Brittany81

I think my parents would help but I second guess taking the kids from him cause its 1200 miles away and honestly I hate to admit defeat. Like I said, my family hates him and this would give them gas for the fire. I love him so much and he is such a great father. But lately it is getting out of control.

Mizzuno

The only way that he will stop drinking is when he decides that he has had enough. He mentions that he drinks to much and that is a sign that he already may know that something is wrong. The best thing that you can do and express is that you need to take care of your children and yourself. Let him know. Ultimatums will not work. In the morning, let him know what has transpired. For me, anything physical would send me over the edge. It is unacceptable in every way. Please take care of yourself.

Goat

The Palm Beach County AA Intergroup is at 1371 Okeechobee Road West Palm Beach, FL 33401

You could go there and purchase a "Big Book". The stories of other alcoholics in that book may speak to him and give him the idea he may need real help.

Their web site is Palm Beach County Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous

You can find lists of AA meetings there if he is interested in going. And don't just listen to me, Mizzuno is spot on as well.

Also, check out the friends and family section on this website. As an alcoholic, *I* am a poor support for your needs, but there are lots of people here who have had very similar experiences to yours.

Mizzuno

I understand pride. If it is out of control then there are many solutions to your problem. There are many resources available to you. I would not let pride get in the way.
Maybe this is a one time occasion. Talk with him and see if things will change. Not 2 day change. Serious change. If it doesn't re-evaluate your situation.

Goat

Heh, and I just realized I gave you the information for Palm Beach, not Palm Coast.

Flagler County intergroup is at aaflagler

Sorry!

Brittany81

Thank you guys so much. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight cause I'm pretty upset with him. He has never grabbed me like that. One time he threw something at me but intentionally missed. But when he wakes up, will be extremely apologetic. I'm sure he will, he always is. Ur right, I need to show him that he cannot do this anymore. Thanks for the recommendations, I will def use them! I can't take it anymore. If he ever laid a hand on my kids... I just don't know. Thank you, I'm happy to know there are people to turn to.

Mizzuno

This forum is wonderful and filled with amazing people. Take care of yourself. You deserve the best, as we all do. Please keep posting and coming here. There is support here for you.

tomsteve

1st things 1st:

i gotta thank you for posting this. it reminds me of the effects i had on people when i was drinking and in denial.
it could be very difficult for him to admit to someone that hasnt been in his shoes- another alcoholic. but that shouldnt stop you from expressing your concern. it may be best to talk to him the morning after a good drunk, when the children are not going to interrupt( if thats possible). let him know you love him and love the way he loves the children and you. express your concern with his drinking and how it has been effecting you and how you see it effecting him. most importantly, express how you see it effecting him. this could be a very difficult conversation, but IMO you hve to do it. dont do it while hes drunk, thats for sure. it will be best to catch him after a drunk.
this could be very difficult, but ya got you and 2 youngens to be concerned about.
PLEASE let him know there are others out there who have been in his shoes. if hes anythign like the drunk i used to be, he doent like himself too much, doesnt value himself too much, doesnt feel good about himself. low self esteem.. but still a huge ego sayin hes got it under control.
i wasnt in the navy. still a stubborn SOB.no...thats a flat out lie... i was an egomaniac SOB.
if he's interested in help from people who have been in his shoes, ya got a start. if he is, send me a PM. i know some recovering alcoholics real close to ya that wouldbe happy to help someone get sober.

tomsteve

feels good to know theres folks out there who relate and willing to help doesnt it?
hopefully your hubby wil will see that,too!1

since hes gonna be apoligetic int he AM, could be a great time to talk.

prayers yer way.

Brittany81

Thank you guys so much, I had no idea there was such a big support group out there. I will def catch him tomorrow, I'm sleeping on the couch and I'm sure he will wonder why in the morning and I will have to explain to him again. That, and he is snoring so loud I can hear him 3 rooms away right now. The kids will be waking up in a couple of hours and I'm sure I won't get much sleep again, been happening a lot lately. I've been so worried and concerned. Thank you guys again. Gotta get some sleep, but I'll check the boards again in the morning. U guys are great, please keep up the encouragement, I need it.

tomsteve

theres alot of support for both of you!!!!
you may want to look into al anon.

Brittany81

That didn't work at all. He just screamed at me and told me to get a job and see how stressed I would get. I can't stop crying. This is awful. I may have to leave him. Even my son heard him and told him to tell mommy ur sorry, u shouldn't yell. I'm scared. I don't think he will hurt me, but I think I need to leave. I don't know.

Goat

Yeah, it sounds like he will have to hear it from another alcoholic, and even then he may still not be ready.

Take care of yourself and the kid first.