Is this behavior from drugs, or something else?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 17
Is this behavior from drugs, or something else?
I don't know if I'm posting in the right place. I was decided to post because I was reading on the other family site about Roofers being addicts. It sort of fits with this situation, and I need some help figuring this out.
I don't even know where to start. When I was a teenager, I met this guy a few years older than me in church. His sister went to our church and he started coming. (His father by the way was a retired minister). We became friends. We dated, nothing physically serious but I was head over heels. Then one day he vanished. Without notice, he moved a thousand miles away. Finally called me said he was coming back and so I waited. He never came back although he called from time to time leading me on. I was heartbroken but young, and in time I got over him. I later found out there were accusations he had stolen a bunch of tools from his brother in law, and money, and he had to go back to where he used to live to face a court case ! I felt relieved he was gone.
About 6 years later he resurfaces, his father died. well here is another thing. He was adopted by his parents when he was very small, apparently there were always issues with his fitting in with the family. He called me to inform about his dad. We caught up with life. I was in college still, he had found his birth mother. His real father had died she said. He ended up inheriting money from his estate. He was living on the East Coast now, had a nice home by the ocean. Was married, I met his wife and their child. We kept in friendly contact for years. He is the funniest, energetic person I ever met. But lives spontaneously. He ended up getting divorced a few years ago. It seems he has never had a lot of responsibility. He never finished college, he inherited money and has it managed and gets an allowance. His wife whatever agreement they had got nothing but a lump sum child support. She moved away. There was an issue of violence that he denies, but he was arrested for it, charges later dropped, and he didn't go to jail. This was before their divorce and may have only been part of his wifes efforts to gain custody of their child. Ive never heard of any issue of violence before or after. I don’t believe it happened.
To get extra money he works, mostly labor type job supervising construction crews and they do roofing too ! for a friend who owns a large business. He has called me while working on top of a building! He is a chameleon and can fit in anywhere with anyone. So about me, after college I worked, got married, have a 3 year old daughter now. My husband and I separated and will probably divorce. But we are amicable and still friends. I had to get away to think, and my friend invited me and my daughter to come stay at his place for a while. Had never been there but seen pics. My husband was ok with it. He knows of our friendship for years. It has been weird. We can be a thousand miles apart, and I would out of nowhere have a dream about this guy, and within days he would call me saying he had a dream, or a feeling he should check in. After months of not talking! I'm not superstitious but have not been able to find a pattern in this. We don't do Facebook or anything. It just happens. That is how i got the invite to his place.
He is the same as always, funny, bouncing around, always on the verge of trouble, Again some charges against him for theft. He doesn't need the money, I have a hard time understanding. Last weekend, the police come to the door. They are looking for stolen property. Have a warrant. This is a small community and they know him. They find no stolen property but a stash of weed, and a stash of what the police said was heroin and needles. They took him in overnight not for drugs but they said to have him cool down being disorderly because of his attitude when they were there. I told them cop my story, and he was like look we know him well, there is always something, he likes messing with people and one day he will get busted for something. He can't talk his way out forever.
The cop was like we aren't going to arrest him for the drugs, jail won't do him any good. He would thrive in there with that crowd. Said he likes him, thinks he is a good guy, knows he has helped a lot of people. And he will do anything for anyone if he likes them. He said he has problems beyond the drugs and drinking, don't think he will ever be right in the head. Told me he understood i cared but not to get suckered in. Said he would be out by 8am and he was. No charges. I looked at the drugs and I know nothing about drugs. Ive been reading about heroin. I've seen junkies on tv. He doesn't act like a junkie. Im confused. We talked and he said now and then he shoots up when his mind won't stop. Says he has ADD which I think is true. But there are meds for that but he says they are worse than this.
Does his behavior sound like a drug addict, or can he use only once in a while like he is saying? I have talked to him about it since then. He blows it all off as no big deal. He took his finger bopped me in the nose and told me not to worry about it, everything was fine. I don’t think he has touched the drugs since then. I didn’t want them around my daughter of course, and told him so. He said NEVER. He put them in his room, and I saw the bag laying in the same place for days now, looks untouched. I feel like some big weird thing is going on here. Is this a big deal, does he need help? He had no one here family wise. His adoptive dad is passed away, his biological dad, no relationship with his biological mom, his adoptive mom remarried several years ago and they live far away and travel all the time. I think their relationship is ok, but I doubt she knows any of this. His sister is married to a jerk. He really is. They also live far away, but I don’t think the husband would let his sister even come visit. He has no contact with his ex wife, and child. Now she is remarried and lives in another state. My friend said he didn’t think it was good to have a bitter relationship between them, and have a kid travel back and forth. He has issues from when he was adopted I think still.
If someone can tell me how heroin affects a person, what signs I should look for. I asked him if he injected it with a needle, and looked at his arm and there were no marks. He said he does it other places and made a joke of it again. He is hard to talk to because everything is a game to him. The last bit of stolen goods we had a talk and the way he explained it to me is like he thinks he is robin hood or something, and righting wrongs not so much for him, but other friends or something. I feel like he had become completely eccentric on one side, but he is also the sweetest, kindest, funniest person. Hoping someone can relate, offer some advice. Ive also been looking on some mental health forums because is this all drugs, or is there something else going on?
I don't even know where to start. When I was a teenager, I met this guy a few years older than me in church. His sister went to our church and he started coming. (His father by the way was a retired minister). We became friends. We dated, nothing physically serious but I was head over heels. Then one day he vanished. Without notice, he moved a thousand miles away. Finally called me said he was coming back and so I waited. He never came back although he called from time to time leading me on. I was heartbroken but young, and in time I got over him. I later found out there were accusations he had stolen a bunch of tools from his brother in law, and money, and he had to go back to where he used to live to face a court case ! I felt relieved he was gone.
About 6 years later he resurfaces, his father died. well here is another thing. He was adopted by his parents when he was very small, apparently there were always issues with his fitting in with the family. He called me to inform about his dad. We caught up with life. I was in college still, he had found his birth mother. His real father had died she said. He ended up inheriting money from his estate. He was living on the East Coast now, had a nice home by the ocean. Was married, I met his wife and their child. We kept in friendly contact for years. He is the funniest, energetic person I ever met. But lives spontaneously. He ended up getting divorced a few years ago. It seems he has never had a lot of responsibility. He never finished college, he inherited money and has it managed and gets an allowance. His wife whatever agreement they had got nothing but a lump sum child support. She moved away. There was an issue of violence that he denies, but he was arrested for it, charges later dropped, and he didn't go to jail. This was before their divorce and may have only been part of his wifes efforts to gain custody of their child. Ive never heard of any issue of violence before or after. I don’t believe it happened.
To get extra money he works, mostly labor type job supervising construction crews and they do roofing too ! for a friend who owns a large business. He has called me while working on top of a building! He is a chameleon and can fit in anywhere with anyone. So about me, after college I worked, got married, have a 3 year old daughter now. My husband and I separated and will probably divorce. But we are amicable and still friends. I had to get away to think, and my friend invited me and my daughter to come stay at his place for a while. Had never been there but seen pics. My husband was ok with it. He knows of our friendship for years. It has been weird. We can be a thousand miles apart, and I would out of nowhere have a dream about this guy, and within days he would call me saying he had a dream, or a feeling he should check in. After months of not talking! I'm not superstitious but have not been able to find a pattern in this. We don't do Facebook or anything. It just happens. That is how i got the invite to his place.
He is the same as always, funny, bouncing around, always on the verge of trouble, Again some charges against him for theft. He doesn't need the money, I have a hard time understanding. Last weekend, the police come to the door. They are looking for stolen property. Have a warrant. This is a small community and they know him. They find no stolen property but a stash of weed, and a stash of what the police said was heroin and needles. They took him in overnight not for drugs but they said to have him cool down being disorderly because of his attitude when they were there. I told them cop my story, and he was like look we know him well, there is always something, he likes messing with people and one day he will get busted for something. He can't talk his way out forever.
The cop was like we aren't going to arrest him for the drugs, jail won't do him any good. He would thrive in there with that crowd. Said he likes him, thinks he is a good guy, knows he has helped a lot of people. And he will do anything for anyone if he likes them. He said he has problems beyond the drugs and drinking, don't think he will ever be right in the head. Told me he understood i cared but not to get suckered in. Said he would be out by 8am and he was. No charges. I looked at the drugs and I know nothing about drugs. Ive been reading about heroin. I've seen junkies on tv. He doesn't act like a junkie. Im confused. We talked and he said now and then he shoots up when his mind won't stop. Says he has ADD which I think is true. But there are meds for that but he says they are worse than this.
Does his behavior sound like a drug addict, or can he use only once in a while like he is saying? I have talked to him about it since then. He blows it all off as no big deal. He took his finger bopped me in the nose and told me not to worry about it, everything was fine. I don’t think he has touched the drugs since then. I didn’t want them around my daughter of course, and told him so. He said NEVER. He put them in his room, and I saw the bag laying in the same place for days now, looks untouched. I feel like some big weird thing is going on here. Is this a big deal, does he need help? He had no one here family wise. His adoptive dad is passed away, his biological dad, no relationship with his biological mom, his adoptive mom remarried several years ago and they live far away and travel all the time. I think their relationship is ok, but I doubt she knows any of this. His sister is married to a jerk. He really is. They also live far away, but I don’t think the husband would let his sister even come visit. He has no contact with his ex wife, and child. Now she is remarried and lives in another state. My friend said he didn’t think it was good to have a bitter relationship between them, and have a kid travel back and forth. He has issues from when he was adopted I think still.
If someone can tell me how heroin affects a person, what signs I should look for. I asked him if he injected it with a needle, and looked at his arm and there were no marks. He said he does it other places and made a joke of it again. He is hard to talk to because everything is a game to him. The last bit of stolen goods we had a talk and the way he explained it to me is like he thinks he is robin hood or something, and righting wrongs not so much for him, but other friends or something. I feel like he had become completely eccentric on one side, but he is also the sweetest, kindest, funniest person. Hoping someone can relate, offer some advice. Ive also been looking on some mental health forums because is this all drugs, or is there something else going on?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Again some charges against him for theft. He doesn't need the money, I have a hard time understanding. Last weekend, the police come to the door. They are looking for stolen property. Have a warrant. This is a small community and they know him. They find no stolen property but a stash of weed, and a stash of what the police said was heroin and needles. They took him in overnight not for drugs but they said to have him cool down being disorderly because of his attitude when they were there. I told them cop my story, and he was like look we know him well, there is always something, he likes messing with people and one day he will get busted for something. He can't talk his way out forever.
The cop was like we aren't going to arrest him for the drugs, jail won't do him any good. He would thrive in there with that crowd. Said he likes him, thinks he is a good guy, knows he has helped a lot of people. And he will do anything for anyone if he likes them. He said he has problems beyond the drugs and drinking, don't think he will ever be right in the head. Told me he understood i cared but not to get suckered in. Said he would be out by 8am and he was. No charges. I looked at the drugs and I know nothing about drugs. Ive been reading about heroin. I've seen junkies on tv. He doesn't act like a junkie. Im confused. We talked and he said now and then he shoots up when his mind won't stop. Says he has ADD which I think is true. But there are meds for that but he says they are worse than this.
just to cut to the chase here...you said you had a 3 year old little girl. how is ANY of the above a healthy environment for her?????? cops coming to the door, finding dope AND needles, something about another theft, he calls himself a robin hood???? no that's called a CRIMINAL. drugs IN the home. divorced, been arrested for DV, has NO CONTACT with his own flesh and blood, but sure goes on and on about being ADOPTED - and managed to finagle an inheritance out of his birth parents, which now is evidently gone.
have you heard of RED FLAGS? cuz you got the United Nations waving right in front of your face. this man has NOTHING to offer, that's good anyways. no child's home should have IV needles for drug use and drugs in it, nor cops banging in the door and raiding looking for stolen property. sorry, this isn't some romance story...it's becoming a nightmare.
The cop was like we aren't going to arrest him for the drugs, jail won't do him any good. He would thrive in there with that crowd. Said he likes him, thinks he is a good guy, knows he has helped a lot of people. And he will do anything for anyone if he likes them. He said he has problems beyond the drugs and drinking, don't think he will ever be right in the head. Told me he understood i cared but not to get suckered in. Said he would be out by 8am and he was. No charges. I looked at the drugs and I know nothing about drugs. Ive been reading about heroin. I've seen junkies on tv. He doesn't act like a junkie. Im confused. We talked and he said now and then he shoots up when his mind won't stop. Says he has ADD which I think is true. But there are meds for that but he says they are worse than this.
just to cut to the chase here...you said you had a 3 year old little girl. how is ANY of the above a healthy environment for her?????? cops coming to the door, finding dope AND needles, something about another theft, he calls himself a robin hood???? no that's called a CRIMINAL. drugs IN the home. divorced, been arrested for DV, has NO CONTACT with his own flesh and blood, but sure goes on and on about being ADOPTED - and managed to finagle an inheritance out of his birth parents, which now is evidently gone.
have you heard of RED FLAGS? cuz you got the United Nations waving right in front of your face. this man has NOTHING to offer, that's good anyways. no child's home should have IV needles for drug use and drugs in it, nor cops banging in the door and raiding looking for stolen property. sorry, this isn't some romance story...it's becoming a nightmare.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Sounds to me like the police officer was warning you that your friend is anti social aka sociopathic. Your own words of a chameleon describe that too. You may want to read up on that.
As for not having a relationship with his daughter for the reasons he describes, I call BS. there is much more to that story.
As for your daughter's welfare, Anvil said it best.
As for not having a relationship with his daughter for the reasons he describes, I call BS. there is much more to that story.
As for your daughter's welfare, Anvil said it best.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
This guy does not sound like anyone I would want near my child.
As for mental health, have you considered seeking some therapy to learn why boundaries are good and how to make and enforce them? This stuff rarely comes naturally to people and a professional can help.
As for mental health, have you considered seeking some therapy to learn why boundaries are good and how to make and enforce them? This stuff rarely comes naturally to people and a professional can help.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
10 signs for spotting a sociopath
#1) Sociopaths are charming. Sociopaths have high charisma and tend to attract a following just because people want to be around them. They have a "glow" about them that attracts people who typically seek guidance or direction. They often appear to be sexy or have a strong sexual attraction. Not all sexy people are sociopaths, obviously, but watch out for over-the-top sexual appetites and weird fetishes.
#2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They tend to do bizarre, sometimes erratic things that most regular people wouldn't do. They are unbound by normal social contracts. Their behavior often seems irrational or extremely risky.
#3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. Their brains simply lack the circuitry to process such emotions. This allows them to betray people, threaten people or harm people without giving it a second thought. They pursue any action that serves their own self interest even if it seriously harms others. This is why you will find many very "successful" sociopaths in high levels of government, in any nation.
#4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They wildly exaggerate things to the point of absurdity, but when they describe it to you in a storytelling format, for some reason it sounds believable at the time.
#5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs. They hate to lose any argument or fight and will viciously defend their web of lies, even to the point of logical absurdity.
#6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. Their high IQs often makes them dangerous. This is why many of the best-known serial killers who successfully evaded law enforcement were sociopaths.
#7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. They may feign love or compassion in order to get what they want, but they don't actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do.
#8) Sociopaths speak poetically. They are master wordsmiths, able to deliver a running "stream of consciousness" monologue that is both intriguing and hypnotic. They are expert storytellers and even poets. As a great example of this in action, watch this interview of Charles Manson on YouTube.
#9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.
10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it! Charles Manson, the sociopathic murderer, is famous for saying, "I've never killed anyone! I don't need to kill anyone! I THINK it! I have it HERE! (Pointing to his temple.) I don't need to live in this physical realm..."
You don't need all 10 ways.
#1) Sociopaths are charming. Sociopaths have high charisma and tend to attract a following just because people want to be around them. They have a "glow" about them that attracts people who typically seek guidance or direction. They often appear to be sexy or have a strong sexual attraction. Not all sexy people are sociopaths, obviously, but watch out for over-the-top sexual appetites and weird fetishes.
#2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They tend to do bizarre, sometimes erratic things that most regular people wouldn't do. They are unbound by normal social contracts. Their behavior often seems irrational or extremely risky.
#3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. Their brains simply lack the circuitry to process such emotions. This allows them to betray people, threaten people or harm people without giving it a second thought. They pursue any action that serves their own self interest even if it seriously harms others. This is why you will find many very "successful" sociopaths in high levels of government, in any nation.
#4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They wildly exaggerate things to the point of absurdity, but when they describe it to you in a storytelling format, for some reason it sounds believable at the time.
#5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs. They hate to lose any argument or fight and will viciously defend their web of lies, even to the point of logical absurdity.
#6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. Their high IQs often makes them dangerous. This is why many of the best-known serial killers who successfully evaded law enforcement were sociopaths.
#7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. They may feign love or compassion in order to get what they want, but they don't actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do.
#8) Sociopaths speak poetically. They are master wordsmiths, able to deliver a running "stream of consciousness" monologue that is both intriguing and hypnotic. They are expert storytellers and even poets. As a great example of this in action, watch this interview of Charles Manson on YouTube.
#9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.
10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it! Charles Manson, the sociopathic murderer, is famous for saying, "I've never killed anyone! I don't need to kill anyone! I THINK it! I have it HERE! (Pointing to his temple.) I don't need to live in this physical realm..."
You don't need all 10 ways.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Whether he has an addiction or not, you can't help him. It's up to him. And he clearly doesn't think he wants help.
But he clearly has problems and unless you want to have his problems in your life, I would not visit him again.
I think it says a lot the cop warned you they knew him and warned you not to become involved. Whether or not he's an addict, this dude has serious mental problems.
I wonder if the person he stole from thought it was 'righting a wrong'?
But he clearly has problems and unless you want to have his problems in your life, I would not visit him again.
I think it says a lot the cop warned you they knew him and warned you not to become involved. Whether or not he's an addict, this dude has serious mental problems.
I wonder if the person he stole from thought it was 'righting a wrong'?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 17
Thank you for the list of 10. He does fit some, but not all. He apologizes a lot, dont know if he means it, but he seems sincere and like he doesnt want me to worry about him at all. Its all about me, and my problems he is worried about since we have been here. He doesnt seem to have a lot of wants, but he enjoys life to the extreme every bit of it, even mundane things. I think part of it is ADD his energy maybe.
There is currently no romance. He is only a friend. I don’t live here, and Im only visiting. I came here for me, to get away and think about things going on in my life. It is a nice, quiet place here, and very much removed from all of my stresses. My friend has been very kind to me. We do talk sometimes for hours. He is smart, and funny, knows books, music, and will get completely philosophical. (that does sound like things on the list, but could also describe lots of people).
The police visit was weird. They didn’t come pounding on the door or anything. Like I said it is a small place, and they know him. It wasn’t violent, or like they tore the house apart, They mostly only looked in the garage, and building he has out back. That is where the drugs were. But he did give them an attitude, and that’s why they took him in. But the cop was completely calm, and my friend wasn’t yelling or causing a big scene. My daughter was asleep, and didn’t see or hear any of it. He came home the next morning, and wasn’t even upset, or angry, didn’t say anything bad. He decided to cook us all a big breakfast and acted as if nothing happened.
We are only here visiting. We go to the beach everyday behind his house, and play in the sand and water, go for walks, and he has a nice house. No his money isn’t gone, but it is managed or likely would be. He says he gets so much per month to spend, and the manager pays all the bills. This goes back years now. I don’t understand the robin hood thing at all. Who puts themselves at risk for others like that? This is why Im thinking it is either something mentally wrong, or drugs. I have been reading around. I started with mental health issues, but am confused about the role drugs are playing in it all.
Im not getting involved with the ex wife issue. I think the child is best with the mom, and he did pay whatever support was agreed upon. I don’t believe the DV accusations were true, and it was all dropped. He says it was about money, and her being angry. To me it is more likely. He is great with my daughter, and Im not worried about him being around her, and Im always with her since we have been here anyway. He will watch cartoons with her, play with toys, let her cover him in sand down at the beach, chase her. A lot like a kid would do. All very innocent.
Im not sure how long we will stay here. I cant explain the situation, but being away has been good for me, and I feel like we are completely safe here. The cops don’t think he is dangerous. The cop said they knew him, and liked him, that he was a good guy. I don’t think they would tell me that if they thought he was a psychopath. But, he keeps doing stupid stuff, and will get in trouble one day. This is what is worrying me now. Im not sure how the drugs fit in, could they cause this behavior, or are coming after the fact ? I dont know much about drugs, never used anything myself. Reading here has been helpful.
There is currently no romance. He is only a friend. I don’t live here, and Im only visiting. I came here for me, to get away and think about things going on in my life. It is a nice, quiet place here, and very much removed from all of my stresses. My friend has been very kind to me. We do talk sometimes for hours. He is smart, and funny, knows books, music, and will get completely philosophical. (that does sound like things on the list, but could also describe lots of people).
The police visit was weird. They didn’t come pounding on the door or anything. Like I said it is a small place, and they know him. It wasn’t violent, or like they tore the house apart, They mostly only looked in the garage, and building he has out back. That is where the drugs were. But he did give them an attitude, and that’s why they took him in. But the cop was completely calm, and my friend wasn’t yelling or causing a big scene. My daughter was asleep, and didn’t see or hear any of it. He came home the next morning, and wasn’t even upset, or angry, didn’t say anything bad. He decided to cook us all a big breakfast and acted as if nothing happened.
We are only here visiting. We go to the beach everyday behind his house, and play in the sand and water, go for walks, and he has a nice house. No his money isn’t gone, but it is managed or likely would be. He says he gets so much per month to spend, and the manager pays all the bills. This goes back years now. I don’t understand the robin hood thing at all. Who puts themselves at risk for others like that? This is why Im thinking it is either something mentally wrong, or drugs. I have been reading around. I started with mental health issues, but am confused about the role drugs are playing in it all.
Im not getting involved with the ex wife issue. I think the child is best with the mom, and he did pay whatever support was agreed upon. I don’t believe the DV accusations were true, and it was all dropped. He says it was about money, and her being angry. To me it is more likely. He is great with my daughter, and Im not worried about him being around her, and Im always with her since we have been here anyway. He will watch cartoons with her, play with toys, let her cover him in sand down at the beach, chase her. A lot like a kid would do. All very innocent.
Im not sure how long we will stay here. I cant explain the situation, but being away has been good for me, and I feel like we are completely safe here. The cops don’t think he is dangerous. The cop said they knew him, and liked him, that he was a good guy. I don’t think they would tell me that if they thought he was a psychopath. But, he keeps doing stupid stuff, and will get in trouble one day. This is what is worrying me now. Im not sure how the drugs fit in, could they cause this behavior, or are coming after the fact ? I dont know much about drugs, never used anything myself. Reading here has been helpful.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
how much longer are you planning on staying? and are you in the slightest bit uncomfortable researching about MENTAL HEALTH and ADDICTION ISSUES regarding the person you traveled with your child over 1000 miles to STAY with? you seem very blase about the whole thing....
example after getting thrown in jail overnight, upon his return, he says NOTHING and cooks breakfast. let's pretend is for little kids....let's be REAL is for adults.
example after getting thrown in jail overnight, upon his return, he says NOTHING and cooks breakfast. let's pretend is for little kids....let's be REAL is for adults.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I’m sure you feel that this relationship is “magical” “meant to be” ”your prince charming” “your worlds coming back together all these years later” “having dreams about each other” like it’s some wonderful mean to be romance you’ve been waiting your whole life for…………….
The cops knocking on the front door with a search warrant should have shown you it’s no romantic dream but a real life nightmare!!
And if that didn’t wake you up then him telling you that YES in fact he shoots heroin once in a while. YES in fact he robs people once in a while………should have woken you up.
You seem too caught up in his past, him being adopted, him not having family around…….kind of setting up all the excuses for why he is the way he is.
Are you thinking along the lines of if you only knew more about drug use YOU can help him?
The most important person in this mix that needs the most help right now is your child, and you.
I can’t imagine a more stressful place to be then in the home of drug user with the police knocking on the door with a search warrant.
How can you truly focus on YOUR problems with all of this going on around you?
The cops knocking on the front door with a search warrant should have shown you it’s no romantic dream but a real life nightmare!!
And if that didn’t wake you up then him telling you that YES in fact he shoots heroin once in a while. YES in fact he robs people once in a while………should have woken you up.
You seem too caught up in his past, him being adopted, him not having family around…….kind of setting up all the excuses for why he is the way he is.
Are you thinking along the lines of if you only knew more about drug use YOU can help him?
The most important person in this mix that needs the most help right now is your child, and you.
I can’t imagine a more stressful place to be then in the home of drug user with the police knocking on the door with a search warrant.
How can you truly focus on YOUR problems with all of this going on around you?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Have you considered that your child could be taken from you being in a house with drugs? Also, if you do decide at some point to get involved in a romantic relationship with him be sure and stay safe because there are diseases that can go with shooting up and drugs in general.
Roofers, lol I had to laugh I am sure there is a small amount who do not use however
My father was a roofer for over 40 years he drank all the time and smokes pot and I have recently learned he tried various drugs, my husband started working for my dad and roofed about 20 years , he smoked pot and has tried various pain pills and became addicted and then there is my brother he has been roofing for almost 30 years he is a Ra, he is recovering from alcohol, and crack, then my son has been roofing for 3 years he is 25 he loves drinking and has had an overdose from a pill cocktail that almost killed him and he loves pot...
I know a lot of guys in construction and most not all are the same as "roofers"
Roofers, lol I had to laugh I am sure there is a small amount who do not use however
My father was a roofer for over 40 years he drank all the time and smokes pot and I have recently learned he tried various drugs, my husband started working for my dad and roofed about 20 years , he smoked pot and has tried various pain pills and became addicted and then there is my brother he has been roofing for almost 30 years he is a Ra, he is recovering from alcohol, and crack, then my son has been roofing for 3 years he is 25 he loves drinking and has had an overdose from a pill cocktail that almost killed him and he loves pot...
I know a lot of guys in construction and most not all are the same as "roofers"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 17
Im trying to understand. This only happened a few days ago. I mean the police didnt do anything, even about the drugs and the cop was holding them in his hand. Its illegal, so I dont understand why he didnt even care. It seems like he took him in custody to try to knock some sense in him, but it didnt phase him. That is not normal. We have been friends for a long time, and Im willing to spend some time getting to some point of understanding for my own sake.
I was hoping someone here could give me an idea on the drug side of things.
I was hoping someone here could give me an idea on the drug side of things.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Originally Posted by PineappleCity 
I was hoping someone here could give me an idea on the drug side of things.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 17
I have to leave for a while to tend to my daughter, but I will be back again. If anyone else wants to input that would be helpful.
thank you for the replies. I didnt expect so much back right away. May seem crazy, but I need some sort of understanding because I do care about my friend, and I need to make sense of it for myself. I will continue to be cautious, and Im paying close attention to my daughter that she might not stumble onto anything dangerous for her. needles or drugs. She is always close to me.
thank you for the replies. I didnt expect so much back right away. May seem crazy, but I need some sort of understanding because I do care about my friend, and I need to make sense of it for myself. I will continue to be cautious, and Im paying close attention to my daughter that she might not stumble onto anything dangerous for her. needles or drugs. She is always close to me.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Not sure how much more then:
His history of theft.
Cops coming to the door with a search warrant for stolen items –(not drugs this time) that’s probably why he didn’t get arrested for drug possession, maybe there wasn’t enough to warrant that.
He admits to drug use.
Going to jail and not having it faze him.
You need to know………….
What drug things are you trying to wrap your mind around? Do drugs cause him to do these things?
Can someone function and be sweet while on drugs….YES
Do drug addicts lie……….h*ll YES
His history of theft.
Cops coming to the door with a search warrant for stolen items –(not drugs this time) that’s probably why he didn’t get arrested for drug possession, maybe there wasn’t enough to warrant that.
He admits to drug use.
Going to jail and not having it faze him.
You need to know………….
What drug things are you trying to wrap your mind around? Do drugs cause him to do these things?
Can someone function and be sweet while on drugs….YES
Do drug addicts lie……….h*ll YES
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Don’t play into the fantasy of the past, it is over, has been for a long time. And you are in a fragile state of your own, with the breakup of your marriage. It is so much easier to get sucked in and this is one place you don’t want to be sucked in to.
As was said there is NOTHING you can do to help him. This is all on him and it always gets worse. There is no middle, there is no level off. Addiction is a progressive disease and heroin takes you down and even if they do stop the road is just as long after.
There will be no way to understand him, you can’t, even if he explained it all out, even if you read story after story, unless you know what it is like to be ran by a drug you will never know. The drug does become primary focus everything else is second to the fix, cause then you can breath maybe … and I say maybe because it is short lived and you are chasing it down again, to stop the sickness.
And Advil wrote of Red flags….all you got is red flags, nothing else, just red flags. This is the point where you have to ask yourself: Why do I need to understand, what isn’t showing now that I need to see? And why didn’t this freak me and cause me to run?
As was said there is NOTHING you can do to help him. This is all on him and it always gets worse. There is no middle, there is no level off. Addiction is a progressive disease and heroin takes you down and even if they do stop the road is just as long after.
There will be no way to understand him, you can’t, even if he explained it all out, even if you read story after story, unless you know what it is like to be ran by a drug you will never know. The drug does become primary focus everything else is second to the fix, cause then you can breath maybe … and I say maybe because it is short lived and you are chasing it down again, to stop the sickness.
And Advil wrote of Red flags….all you got is red flags, nothing else, just red flags. This is the point where you have to ask yourself: Why do I need to understand, what isn’t showing now that I need to see? And why didn’t this freak me and cause me to run?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by PineappleCity
I have to leave for a while to tend to my daughter, but I will be back again. If anyone else wants to input that would be helpful.
thank you for the replies. I didnt expect so much back right away. May seem crazy, but I need some sort of understanding because I do care about my friend, and I need to make sense of it for myself. I will continue to be cautious, and Im paying close attention to my daughter that she might not stumble onto anything dangerous for her. needles or drugs. She is always close to me.
thank you for the replies. I didnt expect so much back right away. May seem crazy, but I need some sort of understanding because I do care about my friend, and I need to make sense of it for myself. I will continue to be cautious, and Im paying close attention to my daughter that she might not stumble onto anything dangerous for her. needles or drugs. She is always close to me.
Best of luck to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
I've been reading this thread since yesterday. I am in no way anywhere near where most of you are in your recovery process nor am I trying to sound or appear like an expert or I am "giving advice" when I am so, so new at this myself.
I only wanted to say I knew my ex AAEBF back in high school. His step mother was one of my teachers. Good family. Good education. Values in check. We were kids then so no drugs or problems or baggage, etc. Fast forward 25 years though, okay? Along the way he changed. Of course, I changed, too, but it wasn't with addictions or using or being involved with the law. I am not perfect and I want to be clear on that but I made different choices along the way than he did which gave me a different type of life and outlook on it. Having known him from my past and knowing his family, too, it actually worked against me instead of helping me. I overlooked so, so , so many things and I was also naive enough to believe his answers if something came up that to me felt wrong but he always had an explanation and a good one, too. Highly intelligent man.
I should have paid attention to my gut feelings and I did not. I should have RUN at the speed of light and I did not. Not doing so has caused me to be here today.
From everything you are describing in your posts--what you are seeing, what he is saying, all your questions and confusion and what is actually happening in front of you, too...RUN. Get out of there. If I could go back and run I would. Protect your child and protect yourself. Drugs, theft, police, etc...is harmful for anyone.
All I had to go on in my sitation were the "stories" he told and I did not think it meant recently or even NOW--but I should have realized it didn't matter either way then or now--he was not what I thought and it was not healthy and I needed to GO. Walking in on him snorting lines up his nose with his buddy was my visual, my here and now, my proof, my reality check, my moment of clarity, my freak out time. You have all this in front of you as well. Believe it when you see it. They can be "nice" they can be "kind" or whatever else they want to be. But for me, it was the most unsafe, unhealthy, twisted, not-good thing I have ever done. And alot of it was based on what I knew from the past and his family and what others said/thought of him now. NONE of that mattered. NONE of it. What matters is the here and now, the real him, the real time happenings and the charade he had going on.
I do understand the confusion as we all do. We are all here to support each other and learn from one another. This is all I want to try and do for you if possible with my story. God Bless.
I only wanted to say I knew my ex AAEBF back in high school. His step mother was one of my teachers. Good family. Good education. Values in check. We were kids then so no drugs or problems or baggage, etc. Fast forward 25 years though, okay? Along the way he changed. Of course, I changed, too, but it wasn't with addictions or using or being involved with the law. I am not perfect and I want to be clear on that but I made different choices along the way than he did which gave me a different type of life and outlook on it. Having known him from my past and knowing his family, too, it actually worked against me instead of helping me. I overlooked so, so , so many things and I was also naive enough to believe his answers if something came up that to me felt wrong but he always had an explanation and a good one, too. Highly intelligent man.
I should have paid attention to my gut feelings and I did not. I should have RUN at the speed of light and I did not. Not doing so has caused me to be here today.
From everything you are describing in your posts--what you are seeing, what he is saying, all your questions and confusion and what is actually happening in front of you, too...RUN. Get out of there. If I could go back and run I would. Protect your child and protect yourself. Drugs, theft, police, etc...is harmful for anyone.
All I had to go on in my sitation were the "stories" he told and I did not think it meant recently or even NOW--but I should have realized it didn't matter either way then or now--he was not what I thought and it was not healthy and I needed to GO. Walking in on him snorting lines up his nose with his buddy was my visual, my here and now, my proof, my reality check, my moment of clarity, my freak out time. You have all this in front of you as well. Believe it when you see it. They can be "nice" they can be "kind" or whatever else they want to be. But for me, it was the most unsafe, unhealthy, twisted, not-good thing I have ever done. And alot of it was based on what I knew from the past and his family and what others said/thought of him now. NONE of that mattered. NONE of it. What matters is the here and now, the real him, the real time happenings and the charade he had going on.
I do understand the confusion as we all do. We are all here to support each other and learn from one another. This is all I want to try and do for you if possible with my story. God Bless.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Don't want to hijack this thread, but I just want to say, peacedove, that you may not have been here very long, but you are already doing SO WELL!!! Your insight and clarity is awesome - I envy and admire it all at the same time!! 
I've only been here a bit longer than you, but I hope to soon be where you already are, and reading all of your posts has really helped me get closer to where I want to be. You're doing GREAT - KEEP GOING!! 
I've only been here a bit longer than you, but I hope to soon be where you already are, and reading all of your posts has really helped me get closer to where I want to be. You're doing GREAT - KEEP GOING!! 
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