I really hope this bites her in the but!
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I really hope this bites her in the but!
not only is my BFs mom cosigning on his apartment, she's paying the fees as well.
isn't that a lovely kettle of fish. it gets even better, she lied to her husband about it!!!
really??? when D told me about it today I said oh well that's nice no wonder addicts keep their codependents. He said she was just trying to do what was right. I said you realize that the one and only reason she is not getting along with your father and brother and me is because we KNOW she is lying to us. Maybe it was the right thing to do I guess but now she has stolen money from her marriage and given it to you. and do you really think she is going to let you get evicted if you smoke the rent money and HER name is on the line!?!?!? you are both keeping each other sick and it disgusts me.
since when does any healthy woman do her 25 year olds laundry? really??? he has quarters. He can go to the laundry mat. God knows I do.
ugh!!!! she makes me so mad and it will just never stop. She tries to get all up in my life and I just don't answer the phone. He asked me and said his mom was upset that I won't speak to her. I said look D. When she asks what my problem is tell her my answer still remains the same. He was confused and asked me what I told her the last time. The last time I spoke with her we argued. My final words to her were get with the program or get out of my life. and ya know what!? that goes for the both of you. have fun and enjoy your code addict dance. You both are going to take each other into ruins. and I hung up the phone. He called me back but I didn't answer.
I think she bothers me more than HE does. ugh she reminds me to much of my own mom.
isn't that a lovely kettle of fish. it gets even better, she lied to her husband about it!!!
really??? when D told me about it today I said oh well that's nice no wonder addicts keep their codependents. He said she was just trying to do what was right. I said you realize that the one and only reason she is not getting along with your father and brother and me is because we KNOW she is lying to us. Maybe it was the right thing to do I guess but now she has stolen money from her marriage and given it to you. and do you really think she is going to let you get evicted if you smoke the rent money and HER name is on the line!?!?!? you are both keeping each other sick and it disgusts me.
since when does any healthy woman do her 25 year olds laundry? really??? he has quarters. He can go to the laundry mat. God knows I do.
ugh!!!! she makes me so mad and it will just never stop. She tries to get all up in my life and I just don't answer the phone. He asked me and said his mom was upset that I won't speak to her. I said look D. When she asks what my problem is tell her my answer still remains the same. He was confused and asked me what I told her the last time. The last time I spoke with her we argued. My final words to her were get with the program or get out of my life. and ya know what!? that goes for the both of you. have fun and enjoy your code addict dance. You both are going to take each other into ruins. and I hung up the phone. He called me back but I didn't answer.
I think she bothers me more than HE does. ugh she reminds me to much of my own mom.
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"He said she was just trying to do what was right."
This stood out for me..... So is he saying that he believes that is the right thing to do, to support your 25 year old son when he is perfectly capable (or SHOULD be, at least) of supporting himself? I just found that interesting....that it seems like in his own mind, he also thinks that that is the right thing to do. I don't know, like he's 'entitled' to that or something....?
This stood out for me..... So is he saying that he believes that is the right thing to do, to support your 25 year old son when he is perfectly capable (or SHOULD be, at least) of supporting himself? I just found that interesting....that it seems like in his own mind, he also thinks that that is the right thing to do. I don't know, like he's 'entitled' to that or something....?
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 
not only is my BFs mom cosigning on his apartment, she's paying the fees as well.
isn't that a lovely kettle of fish. it gets even better, she lied to her husband about it!!!
really??? when D told me about it today I said oh well that's nice no wonder addicts keep their codependents. He said she was just trying to do what was right. I said you realize that the one and only reason she is not getting along with your father and brother and me is because we KNOW she is lying to us. Maybe it was the right thing to do I guess but now she has stolen money from her marriage and given it to you. and do you really think she is going to let you get evicted if you smoke the rent money and HER name is on the line!?!?!? you are both keeping each other sick and it disgusts me.
since when does any healthy woman do her 25 year olds laundry? really??? he has quarters. He can go to the laundry mat. God knows I do.
ugh!!!! she makes me so mad and it will just never stop. She tries to get all up in my life and I just don't answer the phone. He asked me and said his mom was upset that I won't speak to her. I said look D. When she asks what my problem is tell her my answer still remains the same. He was confused and asked me what I told her the last time. The last time I spoke with her we argued. My final words to her were get with the program or get out of my life. and ya know what!? that goes for the both of you. have fun and enjoy your code addict dance. You both are going to take each other into ruins. and I hung up the phone. He called me back but I didn't answer.
I think she bothers me more than HE does. ugh she reminds me to much of my own mom.
isn't that a lovely kettle of fish. it gets even better, she lied to her husband about it!!!
really??? when D told me about it today I said oh well that's nice no wonder addicts keep their codependents. He said she was just trying to do what was right. I said you realize that the one and only reason she is not getting along with your father and brother and me is because we KNOW she is lying to us. Maybe it was the right thing to do I guess but now she has stolen money from her marriage and given it to you. and do you really think she is going to let you get evicted if you smoke the rent money and HER name is on the line!?!?!? you are both keeping each other sick and it disgusts me.
since when does any healthy woman do her 25 year olds laundry? really??? he has quarters. He can go to the laundry mat. God knows I do.
ugh!!!! she makes me so mad and it will just never stop. She tries to get all up in my life and I just don't answer the phone. He asked me and said his mom was upset that I won't speak to her. I said look D. When she asks what my problem is tell her my answer still remains the same. He was confused and asked me what I told her the last time. The last time I spoke with her we argued. My final words to her were get with the program or get out of my life. and ya know what!? that goes for the both of you. have fun and enjoy your code addict dance. You both are going to take each other into ruins. and I hung up the phone. He called me back but I didn't answer.
I think she bothers me more than HE does. ugh she reminds me to much of my own mom.
...nah, it'll end up as a disasterbacle...
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Originally Posted by EverHopeful721
"He said she was just trying to do what was right."
This stood out for me..... So is he saying that he believes that is the right thing to do, to support your 25 year old son when he is perfectly capable (or SHOULD be, at least) of supporting himself? I just found that interesting....that it seems like in his own mind, he also thinks that that is the right thing to do. I don't know, like he's 'entitled' to that or something....?
This stood out for me..... So is he saying that he believes that is the right thing to do, to support your 25 year old son when he is perfectly capable (or SHOULD be, at least) of supporting himself? I just found that interesting....that it seems like in his own mind, he also thinks that that is the right thing to do. I don't know, like he's 'entitled' to that or something....?
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Originally Posted by Lily1918
yes. he does feel entitled. I think it is just amazing how he is just so enmeshed in her that even 3 months away did NOTHING. He says he wants it to stop but doesn't know how. I told him to go to Al anon. He said that's for codies.... I said ya... trust me...
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Originally Posted by outtolunch
What are you getting out of this relationship?
I don't know about you Lily, but for me, getting caught up in other peoples drama was a great distraction from ME. It also helped me minimize my own issues. (Comparing out).
When "helping" people, I realized it gave me self worth, almost a high. I felt important and needed. I had the "savior" complex and had no idea.
Great to see you again OUTTOLUNCH. You have been missed!!
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Originally Posted by outtolunch
What are you getting out of this relationship?
I get those things too.
I would like to think there are positives...
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At this point, chaos and drama give me headache. I have very little tolerance for it now.
Just now, I could hear my husband arguing with his business partner. He has him on his speaker phone. At one time, I would not have been able to resist listening and giving my 2 cents. Today, I close the door.
Just now, I could hear my husband arguing with his business partner. He has him on his speaker phone. At one time, I would not have been able to resist listening and giving my 2 cents. Today, I close the door.
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Looks like his mom is his biggest enabler, I know I use to be with my kids... sad until she see this it will just continue... if she ever even does we can love people to death.
I am sorry your going through all this.
I am sorry your going through all this.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Originally Posted by Lily1918
I think she bothers me more than HE does. ugh she reminds me to much of my own mom.
In trying to figure out my friend I think why is he doing that? But its his way you know, not mine. he can do things however he wants. in my friends case, it may land him in jail, but its still him for it.
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Originally Posted by PineappleCity
Maybe this is what is part of it. Your deflecting your feelings about your relationship with your mom onto their relationship. and projecting your feelings about how he should feel, act based on how it makes you feel, want to act.
In trying to figure out my friend I think why is he doing that? But its his way you know, not mine. he can do things however he wants. in my friends case, it may land him in jail, but its still him for it.
In trying to figure out my friend I think why is he doing that? But its his way you know, not mine. he can do things however he wants. in my friends case, it may land him in jail, but its still him for it.
I guess I resent that everyone has pulled out the financial rug except her. I could have "easily" let him come home when he asked me to. It was very "hard" to say no. does that even make sense???
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Originally Posted by Lily1918
I think that's very true.
I guess I resent that everyone has pulled out the financial rug except her. I could have "easily" let him come home when he asked me to. It was very "hard" to say no. does that even make sense???
I guess I resent that everyone has pulled out the financial rug except her. I could have "easily" let him come home when he asked me to. It was very "hard" to say no. does that even make sense???
I didnt mean to intrude on your posting. I may be off base. Im not used to dealing with a drug addict, but I have a husband who Im seperated from, and its sort of similiar dealing with his behaviors. One word: frustrating.
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Lily, your post caught my eye about the mom providing. My XAABF's mother covers him on everything all the time and the grandchildren, too. I should have paid attention to the stories of all she did for him in his 20's when he shared them with me when we met. I did not. I blew them off as "oh back when he was young and dumb and in college" stories. Most recent: she and her husband bought he and his two children a house two streets over from them. The reason stated? "For the grandchildren."
Well, the truth is he could not get a loan due to his severe financial situation. My AAXBF appears to the outside world as a successful business owner, new home, "right kind" of car, vacations and activities that never end, two grandchildren dressed to the nines at all times and cute as buttons and the "popular guy" with a ton of friends. No one knows MOM provides these things for them. But I know. And no thank you.
I believe this will always be the way for him and for her. It works for them. Here we are in our 40's and this woman continues to make these decisions and do these things. If it ever ends I would be surprised. I really would.
Oh, and also...since he kicked me to the curb...I'm sure she is doing his laundry now, too.
Well, the truth is he could not get a loan due to his severe financial situation. My AAXBF appears to the outside world as a successful business owner, new home, "right kind" of car, vacations and activities that never end, two grandchildren dressed to the nines at all times and cute as buttons and the "popular guy" with a ton of friends. No one knows MOM provides these things for them. But I know. And no thank you.
I believe this will always be the way for him and for her. It works for them. Here we are in our 40's and this woman continues to make these decisions and do these things. If it ever ends I would be surprised. I really would.
Oh, and also...since he kicked me to the curb...I'm sure she is doing his laundry now, too.
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Had a Couple days of this too.....husband went to stay with brother after suspicious disappearance and goodbye notes last Saturday. Mom is going to help him get his car on the road......staying with brother and his young family for the long haul. They are pressuring me to let S see the kids...like now! And today when I had an issue with s sleeping in till noon...I got told I needed to calm down, I being negative....and Im just looking for reason that S will fail. The addiction claims another victim......his position, do this for my brother and watch him every moment or he's dead!
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Originally Posted by PineappleCity
It makes sense, but I think it is still directed more about your feelings. No offense meant by that. You did what you thought was right, and it was hard. And his mom probably is doing what she thinks is right. But now it maybe makes it seem like your effort was sort of dismissed. Your still without him, but he carries on with less pain, and she is more his hero.
I didnt mean to intrude on your posting. I may be off base. Im not used to dealing with a drug addict, but I have a husband who Im seperated from, and its sort of similiar dealing with his behaviors. One word: frustrating.
I didnt mean to intrude on your posting. I may be off base. Im not used to dealing with a drug addict, but I have a husband who Im seperated from, and its sort of similiar dealing with his behaviors. One word: frustrating.
I try to convince myself I don't want to slay his dragon. Fair maidens NEVER slay dragons.
I'm upset that she is lost in active codependency. I am upset that she is doing the exact opposite of what the salvation army (rehab) has asked us as family members to do. I am upset that she preaches to me about how to be a good girlfriend and yet lies and steals from her own husband.
I was always taught to judge a man (or woman) by their fruit.
What's fruit???
Peace: she has none, blowing up my phone and worrying at all hours of the night.
Patience: once again, none. Showing up at the door when he is late for a meeting time with her. Kindness: very little. She tells me I am a bad person and cruel for doing my best not to enable. Gentleness: she is so rude to me
Goodness: ........ delete....
Faithfulness: she is incapable of saying " even if the healing doesn't come god is good"
Self control: once again, blowing up phones, yelling, screaming, stealing, name calling...
I am no heroine, I believe I cant even be the heroine of my own story, god has got that covered.
I used to feel I was without him, I can relate, but now I love him like I love my cat, I let him in and out of my daily routine, I try to protect myself from his claws, and I pray that god will keep him from getting hit by a car ( on my good days lol!)
She loves him like she loves her dog. Tries to keep him in a kennel, preferes him caged in the backyard, and when she does let go... she always yanks is collar by that proverbial leash.
No offense taken. I love hearing different perspectives, and I appreciate you asking me to check my motives.
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