I'm so depressed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 27
I'm so depressed
Hey all. I just don't know anymore. I keep sober for a while and then I fall off again. It's happened so many times this year. I keep promising my family that I will stay sober and I always mess up. I'm sober two days now. But I seem to have burned my bridges. My wife has had enough and wants me out ans my parents don't want anything to do with me unless I'm sober for a year. I can't think so far in advance and I'm just destroying everything I have. I'm so depressed that this keeps happening. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Sounds like you should quit drinking....
You've come to a good place to help you get on that path! (So there is definately hope!)
First things first, don't break promises, that's what drunks/alkies do, most people can't tell the difference between a broken promise and a lie. It's time to not only quit drinking but to start keeping your promises too.
Have you tried seeing a doctor? seems like you have a lot of really hard stuff going on right now, and if you're going to keep your commitment to being sober, you might want to seek something for the depression and anxiety that'll make you prone to relapse in the early stages.
Do you have a plan yet? If so, you should post it here, you'll find that about every way in the world to get sober has been tried here, and there is a lot of experiences to draw from.
Sorry that things are rough right now, but You can do this! I'm excited for you!
You've come to a good place to help you get on that path! (So there is definately hope!)
First things first, don't break promises, that's what drunks/alkies do, most people can't tell the difference between a broken promise and a lie. It's time to not only quit drinking but to start keeping your promises too.
Have you tried seeing a doctor? seems like you have a lot of really hard stuff going on right now, and if you're going to keep your commitment to being sober, you might want to seek something for the depression and anxiety that'll make you prone to relapse in the early stages.
Do you have a plan yet? If so, you should post it here, you'll find that about every way in the world to get sober has been tried here, and there is a lot of experiences to draw from.
Sorry that things are rough right now, but You can do this! I'm excited for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
[QUOTE=Dave42001;3933838]Get a plan together!! You can do this!! Get help!! Don't touch that first drink!![/QUOTE]
This is key. That first drink will get you 95% of the time. And those rare occasions it doesn't get you, it gives you a false sense of confidence a you go for that first drink again, then follow up with a second.... THEN BOOM!DRUNKY TOWN! POPULATION YOU!
It'd be fair to say that first drink gets you 100% of the time, just not always immediately.
You can do this my friend!
This is key. That first drink will get you 95% of the time. And those rare occasions it doesn't get you, it gives you a false sense of confidence a you go for that first drink again, then follow up with a second.... THEN BOOM!DRUNKY TOWN! POPULATION YOU!
It'd be fair to say that first drink gets you 100% of the time, just not always immediately.
You can do this my friend!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
What support have you tried Arthur? I found I had to make staying sober my number one priority, everything else had to come second. It is amazing how much energy just not drinking can take up, but it's a big adjustment and requires a lot of work and all the support you can find. Keep trying 
x
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 73
I'm not going to say anything beyond what others will and have told people in your same situation. But that doesn't mean I don't mean what I say.
When your own family starts to dislike you, embarrassed of you etc then it is a huge wake up call. Easier said than done to quit but it CAN BE DONE. YOU have to decide it's time. Only you can make that choice.
When your own family starts to dislike you, embarrassed of you etc then it is a huge wake up call. Easier said than done to quit but it CAN BE DONE. YOU have to decide it's time. Only you can make that choice.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Fredericton
Posts: 20
You can do this, you really really can. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before it becomes apparent that we need to change, you've had your wake up call so now it's time to do something about it. There are lots of services available to help you throughout all stages of recovery, two days is awesome, that's 48 hours that you were in control. I've found that the idea of never drinking again can be scary, think of it in shorter increments, 24 hours, 20 minutes, the next 60 seconds if you need to. You can be in control, things DO get better. I'm always around if you need a chat, I've only been on this site for a short time but there is a huge amount of experience and understanding here; use it to your advantage.
Be safe.
Kassie.
Be safe.
Kassie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by hypochondriac 
What support have you tried Arthur? I found I had to make staying sober my number one priority, everything else had to come second. It is amazing how much energy just not drinking can take up, but it's a big adjustment and requires a lot of work and all the support you can find. Keep trying x
xbut at first, it is amazing at how focused and diligent you have to be to keep from drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Congrats on two days, Arthur. That's great!
I've struggled with the same pattern you have for years. I'd quit drinking for weeks at a time, start drinking again, or I'd "moderate" my drinking for months, only drinking on a certain of the week, or I'd only have a certain number of drinks each month, etc. The problem was that no matter how I tried to control it myself, it would always result in a binge drinking-related catastrophe, and each time I'd tell people I was stopping for good, nobody believed me any more. This was a pattern of mine for about 10 of the 12 years I've been an alcoholic.
My problem was that I'd stop drinking for a week or two, and my brain would eventually trick me into thinking I was better or never had a problem in the first place. I eventually realized that I couldn't trust myself. I also realized that I was manipulating those around me into thinking I could control my drinking, too, then bringing them down with me each time I obviously couldn't control it.
Finally, after nearly all my bridges were burned, I went to AA and actually committed myself to the program. I explained my situation to everyone. I told them that at the two- or three-week mark I was going to need a lot of support, because I would always relapse during that time when I'd quit on my own. Anyone and everyone I met completely understood.
Well, about two weeks into my sobriety my long-term boyfriend broke up with me. Two weeks for me is tough enough, but two weeks and mourning that large a loss? Jesus, are those both triggers. I've never in my life gotten through either of those triggers, separately, when quitting on my own. However, I'm on Day 32 right now, and the ONLY reason I'm still sober is because of the AA fellowship.
I had what a lot of the members refer to as the "gift of desperation," when I came in, which it sounds like you have, too. So if I were you I'd give the program a shot.
I've struggled with the same pattern you have for years. I'd quit drinking for weeks at a time, start drinking again, or I'd "moderate" my drinking for months, only drinking on a certain of the week, or I'd only have a certain number of drinks each month, etc. The problem was that no matter how I tried to control it myself, it would always result in a binge drinking-related catastrophe, and each time I'd tell people I was stopping for good, nobody believed me any more. This was a pattern of mine for about 10 of the 12 years I've been an alcoholic.
My problem was that I'd stop drinking for a week or two, and my brain would eventually trick me into thinking I was better or never had a problem in the first place. I eventually realized that I couldn't trust myself. I also realized that I was manipulating those around me into thinking I could control my drinking, too, then bringing them down with me each time I obviously couldn't control it.
Finally, after nearly all my bridges were burned, I went to AA and actually committed myself to the program. I explained my situation to everyone. I told them that at the two- or three-week mark I was going to need a lot of support, because I would always relapse during that time when I'd quit on my own. Anyone and everyone I met completely understood.
Well, about two weeks into my sobriety my long-term boyfriend broke up with me. Two weeks for me is tough enough, but two weeks and mourning that large a loss? Jesus, are those both triggers. I've never in my life gotten through either of those triggers, separately, when quitting on my own. However, I'm on Day 32 right now, and the ONLY reason I'm still sober is because of the AA fellowship.
I had what a lot of the members refer to as the "gift of desperation," when I came in, which it sounds like you have, too. So if I were you I'd give the program a shot.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
I have a diagnosis of bipolar, although it "sits" more like a major depression, going on over a year and 1/2. I "had" 5 weeks without drinking....not quite as bad as drinking...but I felt no better...got on to drinking again.....not quite as bad as NOT drinking, but not any better ! Now I start Lamictal in a few days.....I am scared "s"less !
Any suggestions for a re-newal of getting off the beer ? Or positive comments ?
I speak in earnestness.
Cindy
Any suggestions for a re-newal of getting off the beer ? Or positive comments ?
I speak in earnestness.
Cindy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 27
Thank u all for the awesome advice. I'm going tomput together a plan. First part is never to pick up. I'm going to go out and get myself a sponsor. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight and hopefully every day here on. I've got rid of the booze in my house and office. I'm going to start to go thru the steps. I'm going to take it hour by hour. I want to be sober and stay sober. Thank u all everyone. I do feel better not being alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by arthur
Thank u all for the awesome advice. I'm going tomput together a plan. First part is never to pick up. I'm going to go out and get myself a sponsor. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight and hopefully every day here on. I've got rid of the booze in my house and office. I'm going to start to go thru the steps. I'm going to take it hour by hour. I want to be sober and stay sober. Thank u all everyone. I do feel better not being alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by arthur
Thank u all for the awesome advice. I'm going tomput together a plan. First part is never to pick up. I'm going to go out and get myself a sponsor. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight and hopefully every day here on. I've got rid of the booze in my house and office. I'm going to start to go thru the steps. I'm going to take it hour by hour. I want to be sober and stay sober. Thank u all everyone. I do feel better not being alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
Hello Arthur.
Wellcome to the family (we are some sorts). It is difficult right now, we understand because we all lived it. We all know how difficult it is to quit. It feels like the world closing in on you. Instead of rushing to fix things - all at once. Stop! And take a breath. One thing at a time. Just one! If you jump into too many things like a list or a plan - all youll see will be it all cramble one after another. So before you head into this direction just focus on one thing. Quit drinking. All other pieces will fall in their right places at the right time... as to depression - talk to a Dr and see maybe they can perscribe you something. If you go natural - there is a herb called St. Jhons wart. Hope this helps.
Best.
Wellcome to the family (we are some sorts). It is difficult right now, we understand because we all lived it. We all know how difficult it is to quit. It feels like the world closing in on you. Instead of rushing to fix things - all at once. Stop! And take a breath. One thing at a time. Just one! If you jump into too many things like a list or a plan - all youll see will be it all cramble one after another. So before you head into this direction just focus on one thing. Quit drinking. All other pieces will fall in their right places at the right time... as to depression - talk to a Dr and see maybe they can perscribe you something. If you go natural - there is a herb called St. Jhons wart. Hope this helps.
Best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 27
Day 3
I'm greatful I'm 3 days sober today. I'm taking one hour at a time. I can't think past that and that's what works for me. My family is showing me lots of tough love really no support but I have to accept that was my doing. My mom won't show me any sympathy and doesn't want to help me. Not that I need her sympathy but it would be nice to have her support. My wife won't help me either. So it's up to me to get well. I want sobriety so badly. It's going to be a tough road ahead but I'm going to give it my best shot. Thanks to all of you for being here and listening. It's nice to know I'm not alone and have all of you out there.
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