Hi
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
Hi
New here. First post. A week ago, I walked in on my bf of 10 months doing coke with a buddy. This on top of alcohol and pot use. We are in our 40's, have separate homes, he has two very young children(5 and 3 years old) and careers. We were planning on getting married next year, he had just recently moved to a newer home so we have been actively renovating it in between taking care of the children(he has one full time and one part time). I was there every day with them but came home each night per his divorce decree clause of no overnight guests.
Early on, I asked him to decrease his alcohol consumption and party life style. He did and he also had one of the children come to live with him full time so it changed dramatically then. He never drinks at home at all. Says he prefers to be "out and about on the scene or there is not point to drink." Cocaine use was discussed early on and he knew I was not tolerant of it. I've heard too many stories and none of them have good endings.
I knew he was wiped out financially with bills--he said because of the divorce and attorneys and child support, etc..but I also knew he spent too much going out. He said he needed to learn from me how to manage his money better that is "just wasn't his thing."
I was of the approach we could "rebuild" a life together with the children and starting over is often required.
When I confronted him about all the booze and drug use, too, told him he had lied to me, let me down and I could not trust him any longer...I was crying alot...he just sat stone faced. Told me I was "hysterical" and told me to leave after stating he did not have a problem and I was making a big deal over nothing or a once in a while thing. I told him he was lying again and needed help or it was only downhill. I left as he asked.
I have missed the children immensely--and I did text him to ask if I could see them on the playground for a few minutes I missed them so much--he replied I could have no relationship with his children.
I missed the five year olds kindergarten graduation today and it brought tears to my eyes. He and I had talked of what a big boy he would be when he walked across the stage.
It's just heartbreaking as you all know.
Is there any way to know what I should expect from the ex at all? I believe it is for the best, I have the ability to move on, it will take time and healing and a ton of prayer, too. I don't think it is something I can fix or something I can live with in the future. The uncertainty. The insecurity.
Guess I'm just soul searching and trying to hang in there and ride the waves as they come...
Early on, I asked him to decrease his alcohol consumption and party life style. He did and he also had one of the children come to live with him full time so it changed dramatically then. He never drinks at home at all. Says he prefers to be "out and about on the scene or there is not point to drink." Cocaine use was discussed early on and he knew I was not tolerant of it. I've heard too many stories and none of them have good endings.
I knew he was wiped out financially with bills--he said because of the divorce and attorneys and child support, etc..but I also knew he spent too much going out. He said he needed to learn from me how to manage his money better that is "just wasn't his thing."
I was of the approach we could "rebuild" a life together with the children and starting over is often required.
When I confronted him about all the booze and drug use, too, told him he had lied to me, let me down and I could not trust him any longer...I was crying alot...he just sat stone faced. Told me I was "hysterical" and told me to leave after stating he did not have a problem and I was making a big deal over nothing or a once in a while thing. I told him he was lying again and needed help or it was only downhill. I left as he asked.
I have missed the children immensely--and I did text him to ask if I could see them on the playground for a few minutes I missed them so much--he replied I could have no relationship with his children.
I missed the five year olds kindergarten graduation today and it brought tears to my eyes. He and I had talked of what a big boy he would be when he walked across the stage.
It's just heartbreaking as you all know.
Is there any way to know what I should expect from the ex at all? I believe it is for the best, I have the ability to move on, it will take time and healing and a ton of prayer, too. I don't think it is something I can fix or something I can live with in the future. The uncertainty. The insecurity.
Guess I'm just soul searching and trying to hang in there and ride the waves as they come...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I have missed the children immensely--and I did text him to ask if I could see them on the playground for a few minutes I missed them so much--he replied I could have no relationship with his children.
He's using them as weapons against you, to hurt you.
When I confronted him about all the booze and drug use, too, told him he had lied to me, let me down and I could not trust him any longer...I was crying alot...he just sat stone faced. Told me I was "hysterical" and told me to leave after stating he did not have a problem and I was making a big deal over nothing
He didn't like hearing the truth. I know it hurts but it seems that practically speaking, you're better off without him. His behavior is not loving, it is selfish and cruel.
to the family!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
No, I am not a user or addict. I did not realize I was posting in the wrong place or site. My ex is the user and addict and I found the information here helpful with what I experienced/am experiencing. Thank you for the responses and I will do further research to see if there is another location more appropriate for my specific situation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 208
There is a family and Friemds area you could copy and paste but your story does not seem like a happy ending if he is going to do this without help. You can only do so much but he had to quit for himself, kids and you. I don't think you are asking for to much. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Peacedove, anyone with a problem with alcohol and/or substance, or with a partner/loved one/friend with a problem is welcome to post here. That's what Sober Recovery is all about, contrary to Wasting Life's post.
I'd suggest that you copy your post to Friends and Families of Alcoholics or Friends and Families of Substance Abusers. In both forums, you'll find lots of support and information about what other family members have struggled with. You may have more questions as you think over what actually happened now that you know that your alcoholic partner has lied to you.
ShootingStar1
I'd suggest that you copy your post to Friends and Families of Alcoholics or Friends and Families of Substance Abusers. In both forums, you'll find lots of support and information about what other family members have struggled with. You may have more questions as you think over what actually happened now that you know that your alcoholic partner has lied to you.
ShootingStar1
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
