Evey

It's difficult keeping him out of my mind today. I'm sitting here at school and i know that he is on campus somewhere, and I cant help but to look for his car in the parking lot. We would always meet up after class and grab lunch around this time together. Its so crazy how drugs can really rob a person from their true character. He would of never spoken to me when we were together the way he does now (disrecptful, not giving a f*ck what I have to say, im the bad person etc....) I just know that when sh*t hits the fan for this person he will be blowing up my phone. It's always heartwarming to know that my "ex" left me for a bag of dope and his new goon-like friends. I'm trying so incredibly hard but it sucks when you do invest time with a person you think you have a great chemistry with to be someone completey fabricated with lies. So many lies whats reality? He believes his own lies. Hes a con-artist, but yet I still love this person. I've been repeating "one day at a time" and "let go and let god" everyday and its helping....I just feel so stuck. I blocked him off my social media so thats a good thing, cause the last thing I need to see is a picture of him possibly kissing another girl, I'll be sick to my stomach. I just hope I never have to run into him again. He has literally taken my heart right out of my chest and shattered it. I hate this gut wrenching pain that I wake up with....its like a loss.......but I know i need to turn my loss into a gain, and find my strength.....I didnt deserve any of this, and he especially never deserved me!

sorry for the rant. <3

cynical one

The next self-challenge is to block him from being able to call you so he doesn't have the opportunity to blow up your phone.
It would be being proactive instead of reactive.

zoso77

Evey...

I never thought I'd say something like this...but...

This too shall pass...

Trust me. You'll be OK.

ZoSo

terryr97

I keep saying that. Then I remember that God puts people in our lives for a reason, if only to teach us what we should never tolerate from another person. I've been through "he's lied to me so much, did he lie about ever loving me?" thing but, there comes a time when it just doesn't matter. He could have loved me to death but he would always put me second to dope, his friends, his old way of life cos that misery was what he knew and was comfortable. I've been doing alot of ranting lately but that's cos I'm in the anger stage but I know, deep in my heart, that if he came back all polished and sober and just like he was in the beginning, he'll still be a liar to me. Too much damage has been done that I didn't deserve. So I've got to let it go and forgive him for ruining what could have been a great relationship. Some day I will. It's a process.

Evey

SO TRUE. needed to hear that thank you

EverHopeful721

Great perspective, terry!! Thanks for sharing your ESH - needed to read something like this today.