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Old 04-23-2013, 05:00 AM
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New Here

I'm new here. I haven't had a drink for a month after years and years of steady drinking. This first month hasn't been easy. I love to go to hear live music. Love it. I go to a farm where they hold concerts every other week. This was one of my favorite places to get wasted. I went last week and was furious with the behavior of my "friends" who got wasted. I kept telling myself it was because they were wasted but I know it was because I was sober. They weren't doing anything differently. I also realized the band wasn't that great ... before I doubt I would have cared. On to another day.
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Old 04-23-2013, 05:07 AM
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Welcome and hang in there. You may find many good suggestions on these forums and one may be that for many to stay sober to make changes. I resisted "for my rights" and bad things continued to happen. It's suggested to stay away from drinking temptations, think about NOT drinking instead of drinking and on and on. BE WELL
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Old 04-23-2013, 05:19 AM
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Welcome to SR Bruce I love to see live music too and I realised too that part of it was an excuse to get drunk. I spent more time at the bar than watching the band. I always preferred smaller venues too and I suspect that was because it was easier to get to the bar. It's worth bearing in mind that a lot of people go through a really angry patch when they give up drinking so maybe your reaction to your friends and the band could be down to that (or the band was just rubbish and your friends were annoying ). I just mean it doesn't mean you won't enjoy going to see bands anymore but maybe giving it a rest for a little bit will make things easier on yourself x
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Old 04-23-2013, 05:26 AM
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Hi Bruce,

Nice work on the 1 month. I am just 9 months ahead of you so I can speak based on recent experience. When I first got back in the 'real world' after initial recovery, I thought the perfect world would be for me to go back to my daily routine and enjoy everything WITHOUT alcohol. I found that trying to do these things only made me more frustrated. I went to a bar one night with friends and drank club soda. I went to watch a football game at a buddy's house and watched them drink beers while I had a soda. NONE of this was fun. At all. And I thought something was wrong with me.

I wish I'd have listened more when they tell you your whole life needs to change in order to find happiness. Searching for reliable outlets for fun in old places doesn't work for me. I had to admit that by giving up alcohol, I was giving up almost ALL of my social activities that I'd learned. No more concerts, no more late nights going out, no more afternoons with friends watching Saturday ball games.

I've finally been able to accept that part of my life is over. I'm still in my 30's, so yeah it's been tough to come to that point. But refreshing. It's like finally accepting that your leg won't grow back - you can wish and try and hope, but your best bet is to start rehabbing and working on moving forward with what you have. It's a tricky world out there and I can't say it's all been rainbows and roses and naked ladies. Alas there have been some trying times, mental struggles, ups and downs. Thank God I'm going through all of it sober.

As the other poster said, hang in there. I'd also like to add "branch out" to that recommendation. We alcoholics crave stimulation, and a bottle is an easy way to get that high. Try finding something that will amaze you even if you're sober - for me it's been travel and study/self-education. Do something that scares you. It helps fill that void and also might help you find a new and unexpected outlet and path for your life. Good luck, we are all in this together and I'm pulling for you!
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Old 04-23-2013, 08:11 AM
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Thanks

Thank you everyone for replying to my post. I really appreciate it. This helps me get through another day. "Growing back a missing limb". That's hitting the nail on the head! It's like a part of me has died and I'm still mourning the loss. Everywhere I look there are artifacts left behind from a former life. I miss that part of myself deeply but realize that I have to say goodbye. That friend kept me from harm by numbing me up, by making me not care, but it was all done with lies and false promises. Man, the human mind can be a strange place!

Above all thanks for listening! I mean it!!!
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Old 04-23-2013, 08:34 AM
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Welcome Bruce! Thanks for sharing your story. I think many of us can really relate to how that social dynamic changes and our sober self begins to realize that we're starting a new, healthier and happier journey. Please keep us updated on your progress, we're all in this together.
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Old 04-23-2013, 09:00 AM
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Great story!! Keep doing what you're doing!! A month is a huge accomplishment!! Well done!! Keep up the good work!!
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:21 AM
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After I quit, the party bands I was listening to kind of lost their flavor for me as a concert destination. Now I go to more laid back family style venues. Just as fun, but people are a little more in check at these events.
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:05 AM
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>> "Nothing Left to do but Smile." Exactly! Let it shine!

At the music festivals I attend there is usually a contingent of nice people who stay sober. I'm going to gravitate towards them. They're very nice people who I've ignored for a long time because I was so focused on putting myself into orbit. Selfish basically.

Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies. Once again I was *so* happy to wake up without a hangover again this morning. Small blessings each day I guess.
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Bruce292 View Post
I'm new here. I haven't had a drink for a month after years and years of steady drinking. This first month hasn't been easy. I love to go to hear live music. Love it. I go to a farm where they hold concerts every other week. This was one of my favorite places to get wasted. I went last week and was furious with the behavior of my "friends" who got wasted. I kept telling myself it was because they were wasted but I know it was because I was sober. They weren't doing anything differently. I also realized the band wasn't that great ... before I doubt I would have cared. On to another day.
Way to go on a month!!

I saw somebody else on here mention how they went to this place they used to listen to music a lot drunk and was surprised to find the band sucked. It's amazing how alcohol changes our perspective on things.

Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
Hi Bruce,

Nice work on the 1 month. I am just 9 months ahead of you so I can speak based on recent experience. When I first got back in the 'real world' after initial recovery, I thought the perfect world would be for me to go back to my daily routine and enjoy everything WITHOUT alcohol. I found that trying to do these things only made me more frustrated. I went to a bar one night with friends and drank club soda. I went to watch a football game at a buddy's house and watched them drink beers while I had a soda. NONE of this was fun. At all. And I thought something was wrong with me.

I wish I'd have listened more when they tell you your whole life needs to change in order to find happiness. Searching for reliable outlets for fun in old places doesn't work for me. I had to admit that by giving up alcohol, I was giving up almost ALL of my social activities that I'd learned. No more concerts, no more late nights going out, no more afternoons with friends watching Saturday ball games.

I've finally been able to accept that part of my life is over. I'm still in my 30's, so yeah it's been tough to come to that point. But refreshing. It's like finally accepting that your leg won't grow back - you can wish and try and hope, but your best bet is to start rehabbing and working on moving forward with what you have. It's a tricky world out there and I can't say it's all been rainbows and roses and naked ladies. Alas there have been some trying times, mental struggles, ups and downs. Thank God I'm going through all of it sober.

As the other poster said, hang in there. I'd also like to add "branch out" to that recommendation. We alcoholics crave stimulation, and a bottle is an easy way to get that high. Try finding something that will amaze you even if you're sober - for me it's been travel and study/self-education. Do something that scares you. It helps fill that void and also might help you find a new and unexpected outlet and path for your life. Good luck, we are all in this together and I'm pulling for you!
This is a great post.
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:46 AM
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Hi Bruce. I can definitely relate to your post. I am a musician...been sober a while now, but because of my " job" I'm constantly going to concerts. In fact, tomorrow we leave for one of the biggest music events in this country,..,The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. It's an amazing festival. But there will be huge amounts of alcohol around ( as usual ) with those lame brains that think the only way to really " get into" the music is to get wasted. Since I've been sober I have noticed that not only do I play my instrument much better....I also "hear" music better....know what I mean? I don't just veg out, and have it be some kind of mindless background music. I am really listening and enjoying it in a way I never have before. For me that's a huge gift of sobriety, for which I'm thankful. I'm completely stoked about the upcoming festival this weekend. Listening to world class musicians....completely sober..... AWESOME!

Fantastic job on your month.....on to the next one!
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
Hi Bruce,

Nice work on the 1 month. I am just 9 months ahead of you so I can speak based on recent experience. When I first got back in the 'real world' after initial recovery, I thought the perfect world would be for me to go back to my daily routine and enjoy everything WITHOUT alcohol. I found that trying to do these things only made me more frustrated. I went to a bar one night with friends and drank club soda. I went to watch a football game at a buddy's house and watched them drink beers while I had a soda. NONE of this was fun. At all. And I thought something was wrong with me.

I wish I'd have listened more when they tell you your whole life needs to change in order to find happiness. Searching for reliable outlets for fun in old places doesn't work for me. I had to admit that by giving up alcohol, I was giving up almost ALL of my social activities that I'd learned. No more concerts, no more late nights going out, no more afternoons with friends watching Saturday ball games.

I've finally been able to accept that part of my life is over. I'm still in my 30's, so yeah it's been tough to come to that point. But refreshing. It's like finally accepting that your leg won't grow back - you can wish and try and hope, but your best bet is to start rehabbing and working on moving forward with what you have. It's a tricky world out there and I can't say it's all been rainbows and roses and naked ladies. Alas there have been some trying times, mental struggles, ups and downs. Thank God I'm going through all of it sober.

As the other poster said, hang in there. I'd also like to add "branch out" to that recommendation. We alcoholics crave stimulation, and a bottle is an easy way to get that high. Try finding something that will amaze you even if you're sober - for me it's been travel and study/self-education. Do something that scares you. It helps fill that void and also might help you find a new and unexpected outlet and path for your life. Good luck, we are all in this together and I'm pulling for you!
This post is so true. Today is day 31 for me and it hasn't been easy, but now I have my eyes on day 61 now. Big, I didn't think about it till you said, "we alcoholics crave stimulation". So simply put and so true.
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:47 AM
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I love your post. I'm on day five and am a bit worried about our nightlife "friends." Your realization that those late nights of beauty and fun were really late nights of drinking and self-delusion. It wouldn't have been that fun if I was seeing it unvarnished.

This will save us from having to go to the bar sober to try and recapture something that never was. Then the temptations can be managed.

Turns out, there's nothing wrong with sleeping.
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Missy7 View Post
I'm on day five...
Sorry to see your struggles with sobriety continue. Hope this stint of recovery is the one that sticks. There may only be so many opportunities left in the till.
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:12 AM
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Delusion is the right word. In my brain, the right mix of chemicals and alcohol (always a constant) provide the illusion that I had discovered the deeper complexity and beauty in music no matter what I was listening to. However, to get to that state of mind also means I have to pay the piper. I'm only a middle aged human and my brain wasn't set up for those big floods of serotonin and toxic substances. The next day I would feel *so* horrible that nothing seemed beautiful or magical except for the fact that my heart was still beating. I'm trying to spend a little bit of every day listening to, and playing (in my own feeble amateurish way), some music. I still think it's one of the true gifts we have. I just have remember that I'm just a human and hearing it "as it is" is a gift.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:40 PM
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This is a great thread, all hit home to me...I was at a concert last weekend...what was traditionally a all night marathon of drinking...but i was sober this year. What i realized was the concert wasnt really that great, probably never was...and that i felt so much better about myself when i got home early, woke up early, without feeling like crap for two days.

Fact is could have been any event, dinner, party, ball game, round of golf, etc...in the past they were my excuses to get blitzed...

has not always been that clear to me, and god knows i still struggle, but i am trying. the delusion still gets me from time to time, but i agree trying to find other ways to stimulate ourselves is critical. I need to work harder on following through on that...
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Old 04-27-2013, 07:02 AM
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What's starting to happen is the reality of my situation ... or reality itself is starting to reveal itself. I've been really good at hiding in an alternative reality fueled by chemicals and alcohol. At least this reality, even though it's not that amazing, is real, it's honest, and it's mine. As for music, it holds a lot of that magic all on it's own without mental enhancement. Man this is getting weird. Wonderful but weird.
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:41 PM
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That was a long 40 days. This is the first Friday in memory where I didn't feel compelled to get wasted. It was in the back of my mind. Those thoughts are always lurking around but today I didn't feel depressed about it.

There's a great song lyric that keeps going through my mind: "When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.".

I can't get trapped by thinking "I feel better now ... I should reward myself with some beer and the drug du jour".
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