If it feels crazy, it probably is
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
If it feels crazy, it probably is
My AH has been out of the house for 10 days.
We have not been talking.
Sat night he blew up my phone with texts in frantic panic about how much pain he's been in and how cruel Im being.
Last night I come home at 1 am from my girlfriend's house (obviously expecting to be alone) and he is IN the house and scared the crap outta me when he poked his head out from behind the bedroom door.
What the hell are you doing here!!??
(I had taken his key before dropping him at the hotel last week)
He said he got desperate to see me and had a locksmith get him in and make a new key.
OMG!!!!
Meanwhile i find out that while he was texting me sun morning about wanting to see me and how he loved me a la la la.. he was already in our place waiting for me to come home!
Trickery. Manipulation. Betrayal. Violation. And on and on...
So much more drama involved...
But I'm too tired to share.
I am safe. Everything is okay.
He's back at the hotel again and he gave me his new key when I asked for it.
He has not been using again, but his addicted mind is in full force and his rational mind is nowhere around.
It's sad. And crazy.
And as my al anon friend says: if it feels crazy it probably is.
Serenity prayer. xo
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
We have not been talking.
Sat night he blew up my phone with texts in frantic panic about how much pain he's been in and how cruel Im being.
Last night I come home at 1 am from my girlfriend's house (obviously expecting to be alone) and he is IN the house and scared the crap outta me when he poked his head out from behind the bedroom door.
What the hell are you doing here!!??
(I had taken his key before dropping him at the hotel last week)
He said he got desperate to see me and had a locksmith get him in and make a new key.
OMG!!!!
Meanwhile i find out that while he was texting me sun morning about wanting to see me and how he loved me a la la la.. he was already in our place waiting for me to come home!
Trickery. Manipulation. Betrayal. Violation. And on and on...
So much more drama involved...
But I'm too tired to share.
I am safe. Everything is okay.
He's back at the hotel again and he gave me his new key when I asked for it.
He has not been using again, but his addicted mind is in full force and his rational mind is nowhere around.
It's sad. And crazy.
And as my al anon friend says: if it feels crazy it probably is.
Serenity prayer. xo
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, that is crazy and it borders on "stalking" which is very dangerous too.
It might be wise to get a restraining order against him and also an alarm system. This man is determined to "control" this situation and if you don't protect yourself, you may get many more "surprises".
I know that when I went through the worst days of my son's addiction, I had been living in "crazy" so long that it felt like the new "normal". It was easy to not even see the danger I put myself in when I drove through bad neighbourhoods at midnight or threatened to kick down a crack house door (my bottom). Just another day in the life of "crazy".
Please keep yourself safe.
Hugs
It might be wise to get a restraining order against him and also an alarm system. This man is determined to "control" this situation and if you don't protect yourself, you may get many more "surprises".
I know that when I went through the worst days of my son's addiction, I had been living in "crazy" so long that it felt like the new "normal". It was easy to not even see the danger I put myself in when I drove through bad neighbourhoods at midnight or threatened to kick down a crack house door (my bottom). Just another day in the life of "crazy".
Please keep yourself safe.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Toronto, On
Posts: 43
My AH is too scared to call me...I guess. It hasn't occurred to him to ask if I am okay after Calling the police because of his disappearing and suicidelike notes.....thankyou for the perspective, though. Be careful, k?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
"He said he got desperate to see me and had a locksmith get him in and make a new key."
The key word here, by his own admission, is DESPERATE. There's no telling what people will do when they feel desperate. Please take any necessary measures to keep yourself SAFE.
The key word here, by his own admission, is DESPERATE. There's no telling what people will do when they feel desperate. Please take any necessary measures to keep yourself SAFE.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
Wow! That is just not ok!! You may want to think about changing your locks. He probably has another key.
If you rent, can you have him removed from your lease? If you own, are you in divorce proceedings? If so, you could get a temporary order granting you possession of your marital home.
I'd seriously consider calling the police on him if something like that happens again.
How scary for you!!! I bet your heart about jumped out of your chest when he popped out of the bedroom!!!!!
If you rent, can you have him removed from your lease? If you own, are you in divorce proceedings? If so, you could get a temporary order granting you possession of your marital home.
I'd seriously consider calling the police on him if something like that happens again.
How scary for you!!! I bet your heart about jumped out of your chest when he popped out of the bedroom!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Originally Posted by Faithlove 
You may want to think about changing your locks. He probably has another key.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
Thank you all --
It did not occur to me when I kicked him out that he would EVER do something like that and have a lock smith break in for him.
And it did not occur to me that he would have TWO keys made. I should have emptied his wallet when he was getting out the new one he DID give me.
Hmmm.
He is not on my lease because he has a felony on his record from several years ago before we were together. So I could absolutely call the cops if he did it again.
Our address is on his ID card though, which is how I imagine he proved to the lock smith that this was where he lived.
I don't feel like getting my leasing office involved in changing my locks and needing to come up with an explanation for why...
So I may just put a 2x4 at the bottom of the door because it's a super small entry way and it would hit the stairs and the door wouldn't be able to open. (This was an idea he gave me when he first moved in just for safety reasons because he's been robbed in the past.)
I always go out of the garage anyway, so it wouldn't be a pain for me to have that board there, but he would not be able to get in with an extra key if he does indeed have one, nor would he be able to have a locksmith make a new key.
The only way in would be with a garage door opener that is in my car.
What this is really showing me though is a serious example of the addicted mind and how very sick my husband is. Wow. It was heartbreaking.
I honestly didn't think he was that sick, but like my sponsor told me this morning --
Because in these last 10 days I have not been allowing the disease to flourish around me, now it is rearing it's ugly head and it is getting pissed off. She calls addiction "The Beast" and said The Beast is mad and it's showing it's true colors right now.
I really see it in my husband now -- and he's not even USING right now. This is just addiction living in him even when he's clean.
I will keep myself safe friends...thank you.
I'm going to an Al Anon meeting in a few minutes and meeting with my sponsor at Starbucks afterwards. xo
It did not occur to me when I kicked him out that he would EVER do something like that and have a lock smith break in for him.
And it did not occur to me that he would have TWO keys made. I should have emptied his wallet when he was getting out the new one he DID give me.
Hmmm.
He is not on my lease because he has a felony on his record from several years ago before we were together. So I could absolutely call the cops if he did it again.
Our address is on his ID card though, which is how I imagine he proved to the lock smith that this was where he lived.
I don't feel like getting my leasing office involved in changing my locks and needing to come up with an explanation for why...
So I may just put a 2x4 at the bottom of the door because it's a super small entry way and it would hit the stairs and the door wouldn't be able to open. (This was an idea he gave me when he first moved in just for safety reasons because he's been robbed in the past.)
I always go out of the garage anyway, so it wouldn't be a pain for me to have that board there, but he would not be able to get in with an extra key if he does indeed have one, nor would he be able to have a locksmith make a new key.
The only way in would be with a garage door opener that is in my car.
What this is really showing me though is a serious example of the addicted mind and how very sick my husband is. Wow. It was heartbreaking.
I honestly didn't think he was that sick, but like my sponsor told me this morning --
Because in these last 10 days I have not been allowing the disease to flourish around me, now it is rearing it's ugly head and it is getting pissed off. She calls addiction "The Beast" and said The Beast is mad and it's showing it's true colors right now.
I really see it in my husband now -- and he's not even USING right now. This is just addiction living in him even when he's clean.
I will keep myself safe friends...thank you.
I'm going to an Al Anon meeting in a few minutes and meeting with my sponsor at Starbucks afterwards. xo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
" I really see it in my husband now -- and he's not even USING right now. This is just addiction living in him even when he's clean."
This is where I am at. Sobriety just isn't the answer. I am sorry he violated your sanctuary. You have a good head on your shoulders.
This thread makes me remember my earlier days when I used to think oh if only he would get sober. AS IF!!!!
Keep taking good care of you dear.
Lily
This is where I am at. Sobriety just isn't the answer. I am sorry he violated your sanctuary. You have a good head on your shoulders.
This thread makes me remember my earlier days when I used to think oh if only he would get sober. AS IF!!!!
Keep taking good care of you dear.
Lily
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
Just bought one of those stick things you prop up against the door knob that angles into the floor. Serves the same function as a chair does in movies. Haha
I feel so much better after my meeting, then meeting with my sponsor.
Seeing the beast in my husband has really changed things for me. Somehow I feel less scared and more sane because I get better what dealing with. Not that The Beast can't still surprise me -- but I get that it's separate from my husband and I'm dealing with a different entity which helps me be more objective.
I'm didn't buy this stick thing to keep my husband out. It's to keep the beast out.
That makes total sense to me an I have no guilt about doing it. Love that!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
I feel so much better after my meeting, then meeting with my sponsor.
Seeing the beast in my husband has really changed things for me. Somehow I feel less scared and more sane because I get better what dealing with. Not that The Beast can't still surprise me -- but I get that it's separate from my husband and I'm dealing with a different entity which helps me be more objective.
I'm didn't buy this stick thing to keep my husband out. It's to keep the beast out.
That makes total sense to me an I have no guilt about doing it. Love that!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Can you get an alarm system installed too? Some are not expensive and would sound an alert if he finds a way in.
Stalkers cannot be discouraged, if he can't get in one way he will find another...a window, another garage door opener...they will find a way.
Please let the police know and set up security at your home...your life may depend on it.
Hugs
Stalkers cannot be discouraged, if he can't get in one way he will find another...a window, another garage door opener...they will find a way.
Please let the police know and set up security at your home...your life may depend on it.
Hugs
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