On a positive note... And for the moms

Old 04-22-2013, 07:36 AM
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Talking On a positive note... And for the moms

For those of you who don't know me well... A little background... I just left my AH of 10 years about 3 weeks ago. Just basically snapped one day, picked up and left town with the kids.
Things are going amazingly well, started the kids in school. Found a house...

I haven't been as active on this sight. I have found that certain things "trigger" me. But i wanted to tell those of you who are struggling... with leaving or staying.

It is amazing that when you are "forced" or, at your wits end and give up, letting go and letting God is such a relief. I only thought, when I was deep in the crazy cycle of his addiction, and mine, that I was letting go. That wasn't the truth though. When I finally left and did not know what I was going to do from one day to the next, I had to leave it to God. I had to! I had know clue what I was going to do!! And things have been falling into place. One day at a time. I have had to learn to only worry about today. Not tomorrow or next week.... That will make you insane!

I will admit... I am still very fragile. yesterday, I kept thinking... If he would only go to rehab... we can fix this. I just had to pray all day... God I am leaving him to you, you will deal with him in YOUR time. NOt mine... Today, I am better.

I also wanted to tell you. I have had a real struggle trying to figure out all the crazy things he says and does. Like texting me for days to talk to kids. But won't call for a week. Then he sends a text out of the blue... "are you upset with me?" What the heck is wrong with you?? I think to myself.

My therapist (i hate that term) said it best though. You can pound your head into a wall all day and you will NEVER get it. He is not rational. You are coming from a rational mind, he is not. So you will NEVER get it! Opened my eyes I tell you....

And it is crazy how less stressed I am. I knew this was affecting my health but I had no clue how much. I haven't had a full blown panic attack since I have been gone. Yes I am stressed. Yes I have had anxiety... did i do the right thing.. blah blah... But I actually can get out of bed in the morning. And I actually went to friends on saturday night. Something I would have NEVER done if I was still living at home. I didn't look forward to any event at all. I didn't realize how DYSFUNCTIONAL our life was. Yes I knew it was screwed up.. I just didn't realize how bad. Until I was around "normal" people. Who's husbands come home every night. and take out the trash.. and help put the kids in bed...
It was a struggle just being alive. Slowly, that fog is lifting...


She also said to me, after i went on and on about what damage I have done to the kids... by yanking them without warning out of school and there home. "would you have let them stay in a burning building? because that is what your house is. It is on fire. Would you leave them in there?"


So that statement helped me also, just wanted to pass it on. I know that there are so many moms on here that are in my boat. Leave or stay.. I am not suggesting that any one should leave or stay. this is just my own personal experience.

Now on to the job search... Ugh... getting a job is not like it use to be... everything is online!! How do you compete with that?! Any advice on that subject would be appreciated Oh well....

Have a Marvelous Monday
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:49 AM
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I left my relationship of 10 years 2 days ago. Today is rough for me. I miss him and I love him as a human being and as the father of our daughters, but I wasn't IN Love with him anymore because I'm so exhausted from the cheating and drugs and dealing I've put up with for so long. I didn't love his behavior and I had finally gotten to the point where I knew I just wasn't happy anymore. He's too fresh into sobriety and I had become far too obsessed with what he was or wasn't doing. The worry of whether it would all happen again is miserable. Good luck to you, you made a difficult decision but it's one you can be proud of yourself for making.
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:59 AM
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Thank you easiersaid,
I totally know what you are saying...
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Old 04-22-2013, 09:03 AM
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Blueholly, thank you for sharing. Sounds to me like you have a really good therapist. (Love the term, lol). God is good, huh?

I know my area has a woman's center with career guidance, help with resumes, and career workshops. Maybe you can check out your area for something similar. 211 is a great resource.
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Old 04-22-2013, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by blueholly View Post
She also said to me, after i went on and on about what damage I have done to the kids... by yanking them without warning out of school and there home. "would you have let them stay in a burning building? because that is what your house is. It is on fire. Would you leave them in there?"

Thanks for your update! So glad things are looking up for you. And THANK YOU, THANK YOU for posting your friend's advice!!!

I just left with my kids, only we're still in the same town. I agree with you! It is soooo much better than living with the constant stress that we used to live under. We've only been gone a week and I can see a positive change in them, which is wonderful!

Good luck finding a job!

Welcome Home!!!
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Old 04-22-2013, 12:20 PM
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What a great update!

You're such a strong woman and you should be so proud of yourself for picking up and leaving.

I'm sure things will continue to get better and better As for a job search, basically you just keep applying and applying until someone gives you a chance. With everything being online it is hard to make a good first impression and get the spot over someone else because you are good at interviews. I know a handful of people that found craigslist as a good way of finding a job.

Keep moving forward and focusing on you and your children
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:19 PM
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so proud for you!!
taking back control of yourself and your life!
How awesome!!!

you are a very brave woman! (you may not feel that way right now, but trust me you are)

For the job search, please check with your local state employment agency - sometimes there are programs to help displaced women in the re-employment area - with training, job search and other things as needed.

wishing you and yours the very best

pink hugs!
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Old 04-22-2013, 06:34 PM
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This post actually made me smile from ear to ear- I cannot wait to experience what you're going through and feel as liberated! That's my prize at the end of the rainbow.

One foot in front of the other--- I'm bookmarking this post so I can read it again and again, reminding myself of the freedom from all the addiction and anxiety that has plagued me for so long. There is hope and I can't wait for happiness again!
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Old 04-23-2013, 04:36 AM
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Good for you and your kids, blueholly! My wishes for strength for you and continued peace of mind.

About job searching: Others' suggestions about facilities that have resources to help with job searching and offer workshops are good.

I'd like to add that signing up to get job notifications from (reputable and known) online job sites/search engines (don't know if I can name the links I use) via email has been very helpful for me. I've also compiled a list of links to those search engines, as well as links for employment agencies (Employment Agencies: Headhunters and Employment Agencies gives a breakdown of types of agencies) and list of specific companies I keep a watch on and am interested in, and I search those regularly.

Good luck!
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:57 AM
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I left 10 months ago with my then 2 years old daughter and I am still slowly regaining
energy, focus and sanity.

I found a YWCA single mom group in my area where I got advice about daycare,
work, school programs and all kinds of other stuff (Access to a non-profit grocery store,
workshops, mother's day lunch).
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Old 04-24-2013, 05:18 AM
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Thinking of you blueholly!

What's happening? How are you and the kiddos?

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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Old 04-24-2013, 06:24 AM
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Thanks, Shine! And all of you!!

I am a little discouraged today. He told the girls that he would come to a morning breakfast at there school. and text me to see if it was ok. last night. Mind you he is not suppose to come within 100 feet of me or the kids. And we are 4 hours from him. So basically he will drug up so he can drive all night.... and be here at 7:30... I sure don't want him waltzing into there school like that!

Uhhgg, I hope he doesn't show up. I know that it will kill the kids. But that is what is best.
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