miko67

would like to know how long did it take you to go through the steps???
also been speaking with a lady and im approaching two months sober, shes keen and i told her im not into relationships just casual fun n freindship,but at 2 months do you think its too early? im on step three but im missin a womans touch u know lol. thanks
peace

daisy1

How funny, I was going to start a thread today wondering if I dare dabble with dating. I too crave the company of a man - but I'm worried about all that it brings.
Do you think we should concentrate on ourselves before anything else Miko?

visch1

Welcome and enjoy the ride. This may upset the apple cart but most of us are never “finished” with the steps. I recall winning the BB at a beginners meeting and proudly said a week later that I had finished reading it. I was told by an old timer to go back and start to study it. Same with the steps which are so important for REAL sobriety and considered a huge tool for life in general. BE WELL.

miko67

how long are you sober daisy~?
maybe ill come seee you lol, noo just kidding.
yeah but if we can get harmless fun without the pressure of relationshipi think thats gd. but im early in sobriety so im really scared of messing feelings just now if u know wat i mean.

bbthumper

The important thing with the steps, IMO, is not necessarily how long they take, but that we don't lose momentum. There is no such thing as being spiritually stagnant it seems. We are either enlarging our spiritual life or we are heading towards a drink. Some folks take longer than others to work the steps. I was working on amends and working with 10, 11 and 12 around 9 months sober. Some people take years to work the steps, but that includes years of procrastinating. It does not have to be a long process. My 9 months included much procrastination. I don't recommend that. How soon do you want to recover is the question.

As for relationships, you'll hear a lot of opinions on that. The Big Book doesn't give any recommendations as far as a time frame, but it tells us that we should ask ourselves with each relationship "Is this selfish?"
My immediate thinking is that, as someone who has not yet done a 4th step and become clear on all of the ways that selfishness and self centeredness can manifest in your life, you may want to hold off on trying to arrange any intimate relationships which could harm you or others in the long run.

Recover, help others, do God's work and He will provide you with the perfect partner.

YVRguy

Just in my opinion , the steps will take as long as they take and the true benefit is being fully honest , committed with no half measures. IMO as well , doing the steps is not a once off deal as my sponsor and the sober old timers I know have done them many times. Neither life nor spiritual growth stop once the first set of steps is done. Glossing over things for speeds sake was not recommended to me by my sponsor. Check with your sponsor and doing the steps without a trusted and good sponsor is like driving blind, again IMO.

As for relationships , I think bbthumper is right , is this self seeking? If its all about you getting what you want or think you need , sounds a little self seeking IMO. Myself , I have yet to deal with my part in the wreckage of my past so , for me , I won't even step near a relationship till such time as I am devoid of self seeking which was everything to do with my past, but that's me.

miko67

i understand about the steps and understand inmyself i need to give myself up for them. im just a little confused of cleaning up the wreckage of my past? imean i will make ammends and that but i feel i dont have to miss out on alittle fun. i guess imhaving an off day today and old thoughts are creeping in, i remember last time i went with a girl my sobriety ended just after that so, ill need to get back to the drawing board.
heads a mess today not feeling spiritually fit at all.

bbthumper

Work the steps to the best of your ability and you will come to realize that you are not missing out on any fun at all. Besides, when was the last time your alcoholic self was satisfied with just a little fun? We alcoholics tend to take things like that too far IMO.
Focus on spiritual matters first and foremost. The rest will come when the time is right.