Avalon393

I don't know why I felt so great the first week of NC with exabf and now I just feel stung and shocked all over again. I took further action this morning and blocked him on Facebook so I can no longer view his profile. He's been talking to his ex from before he met me. She is two years younger than me, from a wealthy family, looks just like me too but in better shape with nicer skin (and probably much less baggage). I just keep thinking how enamored he probably is with her. The though of me has probably just diminished within seconds of their reunion & I feel so worthless/ broken. Part of me really thought he would come back begging for me. And even if I didn't accept at least I would feel like I meant something or was worth something. I keep reading countless self help books on Abandonment, healing, breakups. Nothing's helping. Self love just doesn't even seem like a plausible option right now. The only motivating factor in my life would be that someday I will meet the man of my dreams, the flaw there though is that the man of my dream is/ was my ex. Minus the alcohol. I have never been so attracted to or felt as much chemistry as I did with him. I am just lost.

ABIDEBYLAW

If he wants someone else, let him be that person's problem. You are better off without him and will soon realize it. The longer he is out of sight the less you will have any interest in him.
If the only motivating factor one has in their own life is based upon meeting the "mate of their dreams", that person needs to seek positive self esteem from other avenues.
Another better man will come your way if that is what you truly believe is what you need.
A good man/woman is a dime a dozen and usually the next one is way better than the last : )

Crazed

Avalon-

I am in the same place, and know what you mean about the attraction and chemistry part.

17 days nc, and the last contact was only for a few minutes and during turmoil. I am having a rough day as well. I feel disposable, and know she blames me for her drinking. I know it is untrue, but still painful.

So sending you some warm wishes, and the thought that you are not alone.

AnvilheadII

Avalon, LOOK at who you making responsible for your value and self worth. someone who is incapable of realizing just how valuable and worthy you are. instead of looking to the person who HURT you to make you feel better, look to the one person who will ALWAYS be there for you.....AVALON.

people who bounce around from partner to partner, or keep bouncing back to former people do not GROW...

now is YOUR chance to grow. to just explode into life.

LexieCat

Blocking him on FB was a good move.

Listen, I know you THINK you would feel better if he came begging his way back into your life, but if you take a look around the threads here, that sort of behavior only leads to more pain for you.

This is a blessing. Let him move on. I know it hurts--breakups always do, but breakups with alcoholics often come when we are already emotionally depleted. Give yourself time to heal. It won't always hurt this way.

What are you doing for YOU to get better?

iamthird

She isnt getting someone healthy, just remember that. I used to obsess about my separated AH and new girlfriend...romanticizing their relationship. He is the same man....once you gain distance over a long period of time youll be able to see that.

Dont compare yourself to her. It doesnt matter. Focus on you!

peacedove

I've only been NC for 8 days from my AAEBF but when I read your initial post involving FB I wanted to mention something. My ex and I were on FB together but also had many, many mutual friends. FB turned out to be a problem versus an asset. Once, I blocked him thinking it would solve the issue but really it didn't. There were too many other things going on as far as pics of mutual friends, posts of mutual friends/family, too. Little things here and there would trigger an emotion from me. And it was also the resource he used to send me an instant message one morning after he had pulled a disappearing act. I was not strong enough to ignore it and thus we began again. THIS time? My entire FB account has been deleted. Sure, FB was nice to see and catch up and look at college friends children or even my own family I don't see often...but it is NOT worth my ex having any avenue to me at all or even me having a week moment and thinking I want to look at one of our used to be mutual friends page/wall. A year from now I may have FB again or I may not but deleting that account completely has been one of the best moves I've made recently. This is only my opinion and it surely isn't required for anyone nor might it help someone else the way it has me. But just in case it would help you progress I did want to say it.
Also, my ex is so in to FB he uses it all the time posting whatever to just get a reaction from people and sometimes it was actually directed at me specifically. I pulled the plug on that one big time this time around. I am not there so no one has any way to do anything in that regards.
Be strong and keep moving forward. We all are in this together. This is a great support group.