Update on AD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 113
Update on AD
Hello friends. I haven't posted in a few months. I was surprised when I saw how long I've been away from your words of wisdom.
Sometimes I just get so tired of dealing with my AD's issues. I guess that means I'm too involved with them!
She started this year in the psych unit of her local hospital. She was living with a landlord whom I eventually found out was giving her alcohol. She had the sense to go to the hospital and be treated for her alcohol overdose and to get started on bipolar medications. When she was discharged she moved into a shelter rather than return to the landlord. She didn't have any money anyway.
In February she moved into a public housing unit. She lives in a small room and shares a bathroom with neighbors. She has had two slips that I am aware of. Both were troubling, but one in particular led her to make false insinuations against my husband (not her biological father). For awhile we had nothing to do with her. My husband has been there for her so many times and he is the wage-earner in our household, so all financial help she has come from his kindness and hard work.
She denied that she was talking about her stepfather. She said she was raped by an acquaintence and just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I have my doubts that that happened too, since she has concocted stories in the past just for the sake of the drama.
In any event things settled down for a bit after that. She said she was going to 3 AA meetings a day and had met some very nice people. We agreed to pay her rent and her phone until April 1 as long as she stayed sober. She dropped a bombshell about a month ago: she's pregnant. The father is 12 years her senior and on disability. The day after she found out she was pregnant, they "broke up".
My heart sank when she told me this. I adore children and already have 7 granddaughters who light up my life. But to bring a child into this life is such a shame. She knows how I am with the grandchildren and I think she thinks there is no way I will let her flounder while she is carrying my grandchild. I must admit it pulls at my heartstrings.
To complicate matters she now has a warrant out for her arrest for failing to appear in court and address a fine she owes from a public drunkenness charge a couple of years ago. She is choosing to ignore this because, as she puts it, she doesn't have the money to pay the fine, so there is no point in addressing it. Unfortunately she used our address when she was arrested initially. My husband wants me to report her real address to the court and I'm not sure what to do about that.
She has gained a lot of weight already which reassures me on the one hand that she is not using drugs or purging. I think she was very underweight before she got pregnant and I hope that is why she has put it on quickly. I hope it is not from alcohol. I also don't think she is eating well.
Sorry this is turning into a book. I need to stay in touch more frequently. Any suggestions on how to handle this will be greatly appreciated!
Sometimes I just get so tired of dealing with my AD's issues. I guess that means I'm too involved with them!
She started this year in the psych unit of her local hospital. She was living with a landlord whom I eventually found out was giving her alcohol. She had the sense to go to the hospital and be treated for her alcohol overdose and to get started on bipolar medications. When she was discharged she moved into a shelter rather than return to the landlord. She didn't have any money anyway.
In February she moved into a public housing unit. She lives in a small room and shares a bathroom with neighbors. She has had two slips that I am aware of. Both were troubling, but one in particular led her to make false insinuations against my husband (not her biological father). For awhile we had nothing to do with her. My husband has been there for her so many times and he is the wage-earner in our household, so all financial help she has come from his kindness and hard work.
She denied that she was talking about her stepfather. She said she was raped by an acquaintence and just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I have my doubts that that happened too, since she has concocted stories in the past just for the sake of the drama.
In any event things settled down for a bit after that. She said she was going to 3 AA meetings a day and had met some very nice people. We agreed to pay her rent and her phone until April 1 as long as she stayed sober. She dropped a bombshell about a month ago: she's pregnant. The father is 12 years her senior and on disability. The day after she found out she was pregnant, they "broke up".
My heart sank when she told me this. I adore children and already have 7 granddaughters who light up my life. But to bring a child into this life is such a shame. She knows how I am with the grandchildren and I think she thinks there is no way I will let her flounder while she is carrying my grandchild. I must admit it pulls at my heartstrings.
To complicate matters she now has a warrant out for her arrest for failing to appear in court and address a fine she owes from a public drunkenness charge a couple of years ago. She is choosing to ignore this because, as she puts it, she doesn't have the money to pay the fine, so there is no point in addressing it. Unfortunately she used our address when she was arrested initially. My husband wants me to report her real address to the court and I'm not sure what to do about that.
She has gained a lot of weight already which reassures me on the one hand that she is not using drugs or purging. I think she was very underweight before she got pregnant and I hope that is why she has put it on quickly. I hope it is not from alcohol. I also don't think she is eating well.
Sorry this is turning into a book. I need to stay in touch more frequently. Any suggestions on how to handle this will be greatly appreciated!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 585
Hi PerhapsLove...sorry to hear your situation, but glad you found your way back to SR. Sounds like a sticky spot. On the one hand, detachment & letting an A find their own way is generally good, but I don't know what would be best in a situation where the A is pregnant - I have a hard time saying "stand back" when there's another life on the line.
So what is her living situation now - you said you were footing the bill until April 1st, but is she still living in public housing? Does she have access to healthcare for her and her baby? Maybe it's the codie caretaker in me talking, but maybe you can help her to find resources to get checkups and help ensure her well being for her sake and for her baby's health. There are clinics and public assistance available, so hopefully she can get some help with the finances, food, housing, and healthcare.
So what is her living situation now - you said you were footing the bill until April 1st, but is she still living in public housing? Does she have access to healthcare for her and her baby? Maybe it's the codie caretaker in me talking, but maybe you can help her to find resources to get checkups and help ensure her well being for her sake and for her baby's health. There are clinics and public assistance available, so hopefully she can get some help with the finances, food, housing, and healthcare.
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