Summerpeach

Hi everyone...

It's been a long while I've been on here, but was thinking about you all today because I'm officially one year single after my last "mistake"

I've went on 3 dates and all of them had super red flags, so I decided it was time to keep the focus on me
In the last many many months, I've worked on building up my private practice and my physical and emotional health.
There have been MANY dark days due to the realization of the choices I've made in the past and working on healing the damage that was done.
My friends also have addictions and learning to detach from them is/was rough.

I went from having a load of friends to maybe 2 I can talk to. I realized walking away from all active addicts was in my best interest.
It's never easy making new friend when you're over 45 yrs old, but I try. I say yes to as many invites as I can to some amazing events but still, the addicts seem to all gravitate towards me. I shut them out right away.
Seeing as that I'm in health care, I believe they feel I'm easier to talk to.
When I do meet new friends (in all walks of life), so many of them are heavy drinkers. Even friends who find my health pages on FB msg me and they are some of the most unstable addicts. Again, I need to not response to them

In any case, just wanted to give you an update on my progress. I'm working hard on change, but it's truly the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I'm going on 3 1/2 yrs in Al Anon as well.

thanks for listening

desp1

I feel your pain. The issue becomes “who can I relate to” now.

To have a conversation with a non-addict is like talking to an inexperienced child. They will never have any idea who you really are and your choice to exclude people that have experienced some of your challenges isolates you from any meaningful communication.

To assume that every recovering individual is damaged beyond hope is going to limit your ability to relate and enjoy a possible strong sober friend. It is an incurable disease "but" so is most everything we choose to do to extremes. Everyone’s passions, money, work, exercise and interests can become a selfish turnoff to someone that doesn’t share their enthusiasm with what they like to do.

Being isolated, to protect yourself from another mistake is just plain lonely.

Just for curiosity I filled out an E-Harmony questionnaire completely honestly, to see if there was possibly someone I could meet as a friend. That person doesn’t exist…ever.

Everyone is an illusion, “wouldn’t dare tell who they really are” and wants a knight in shinning armor, “also an illusion.” I’ve decided to embrace tolerable imperfections as the uniqueness of an individual and am blessed when I meet someone that is aware of their limitations and accepts mine.

Thanks...for sharing the conflicts of change,

Every structured treatment for the masses allows the exceptional individuals to sometimes fall through the cracks.

Summerpeach

Desp...we are all broken in our own ways and all have baggage, but I prefer not associating with the baggage of addiction any longer.
If I met a female friend who was recovering, I am all for that. If I met a man for a relationship who has any past of addiction, I would rather pass.

I've always been someone who's had a load of friends and was never alone, but this last 6 months, I've made the choice to sort of isolate in order to learn about who I am (for once) and what I needed.

Never will exit from a friendship that nurtures me. Tolerating imperfections is not the issue (I have many myself), but not when it starts to take away from my serenity

I appreciate your input and just read your story. Sorry you're going through so much pain. I recall that same pain when I was with my ex's (who are addicts) and I must say, as painful as it was to leave them, I am truly happy I never had to deal with them again.

hugs for you