Don't Know What to Do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1
Don't Know What to Do
I do not know what to do. My boyfriend of two years is a junkie. When we started dating he was at least a few months sober or so he said. In the two years we have been together I know there were a couple of times when he did heroin and/or opiates in some way, shape, or form. He admitted it to me a week or so ago after I had been snooping through his things but it's the only way I can find out for sure if something is going on. He gets really mad at me when he comes home from hanging out with his friends because I give him a look trying to figure out if he did drugs or not. I know yesterday when he came home he was not right and he tries to pass it off as "allergies." Which is a complete lie. This morning, while he was sleeping, I found a needle in his jacket pocket. I can't confront him because he will get angry that I was snooping through his stuff but if I confront him without telling him about the needle then he will lie and say I have to stop accusing him of drug use... even though it is TRUE!!!!! I don't know what to do. I can't be with a drug addict but I love him so much. Besides this little bouts he has he is very good to me. Therein lies the problem. Please help if you can!!!
IsItAlright
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: rainbow
Posts: 157
Dear I have been through there. He got angry and said I was crazy as I snooped around... But if I didn't mention about what I found. He denied and Sounded sooo convincing. If I didn't found the truth, I d have believed him.
It was killing me... Best thing I could advise is 'do not confront him' coz its meaningless, only causes fight and ... And with drug effect, he may flip and it may put u in dangerous situation. This was what I experienced...
Keep reading here, learn more about addiction from conselling. And think about what u want... Leave or stay
It was killing me... Best thing I could advise is 'do not confront him' coz its meaningless, only causes fight and ... And with drug effect, he may flip and it may put u in dangerous situation. This was what I experienced...
Keep reading here, learn more about addiction from conselling. And think about what u want... Leave or stay
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by goodgirl19 
I do not know what to do. My boyfriend of two years is a junkie. When we started dating he was at least a few months sober or so he said. In the two years we have been together I know there were a couple of times when he did heroin and/or opiates in some way, shape, or form. He admitted it to me a week or so ago after I had been snooping through his things but it's the only way I can find out for sure if something is going on. He gets really mad at me when he comes home from hanging out with his friends because I give him a look trying to figure out if he did drugs or not. I know yesterday when he came home he was not right and he tries to pass it off as "allergies." Which is a complete lie. This morning, while he was sleeping, I found a needle in his jacket pocket. I can't confront him because he will get angry that I was snooping through his stuff but if I confront him without telling him about the needle then he will lie and say I have to stop accusing him of drug use... even though it is TRUE!!!!! I don't know what to do. I can't be with a drug addict but I love him so much. Besides this little bouts he has he is very good to me. Therein lies the problem. Please help if you can!!!
There is no such thing as "little bouts" when you're dealing with opiates. If you had a kid sister going through what you're going through right now, what would you tell her if she had found a needle in her boyfriend's jacket pocket?
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Welcome to SR, goodgirl, but of course, I'm sorry for what brought you here.
I don't think there's anything really to decide here, at least as far as whether or not he's using. You've already admitted you KNOW he's using and that even if you confronted him and he denied it, you know that it would be a lie. I agree with Wing, the only thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to be in a relationship with an actively-using drug addict or not. What we're saying may come across as cold or mean, but that's not why we're saying it. We're saying it because we've ALL been right where you are, in one way or another, and we've ALL been hurt by our addicts. We're just trying to save you some of the heartache and pain that we've experienced.
Sending hugs.
I don't think there's anything really to decide here, at least as far as whether or not he's using. You've already admitted you KNOW he's using and that even if you confronted him and he denied it, you know that it would be a lie. I agree with Wing, the only thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to be in a relationship with an actively-using drug addict or not. What we're saying may come across as cold or mean, but that's not why we're saying it. We're saying it because we've ALL been right where you are, in one way or another, and we've ALL been hurt by our addicts. We're just trying to save you some of the heartache and pain that we've experienced.
Sending hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
trust your gut. The reason you are snooping seems to be that you know what is going on but aren't trusting yourself. You have to see that even if he's good to you most of the time you don't get to choose one or the other (unless HE is deciding to quit.) Do you want to be with a drug addict? If you don't then you need to make the difficult decision to end the relationship.
Orange Lily
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by goodgirl19
This morning, while he was sleeping, I found a needle in his jacket pocket. I can't confront him because he will get angry that I was snooping through his stuff but if I confront him without telling him about the needle then he will lie and say I have to stop accusing him of drug use... even though it is TRUE!!!!! I don't know what to do. I can't be with a drug addict but I love him so much.
The excuses I got were "there's no trust in this house if you're going through my things!"/"how am I supposed to get better if you're snooping around?"--- and my all time favorite: "If you didn't want to find something that would hurt you, you shouldn't have looked in my stuff!"
Love is love and there's no denying that--- but I can tell you with all honesty that eventually it's too much to ALWAYS be wondering what he's doing, what he's into, and whether or not he will OD at any moment. None of us deserve living under that fear.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I am an addict/alkie, didn't matter how much they loved me I couldn't quit till I hurt everyone and lost everything. I have a progressive illness, it was always gettin worse. It will get worse. I hope you will save yourself.
IsItAlright
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: rainbow
Posts: 157
Omg lilyB2013!!!
Mine said the same line to me!!! The excuses I got were "If you didn't want to find something that would hurt you, you shouldn't have looked in my stuff!"
So ridiculous !!! What logic is it? A twisted addicted mind
Mine said the same line to me!!! The excuses I got were "If you didn't want to find something that would hurt you, you shouldn't have looked in my stuff!"
So ridiculous !!! What logic is it? A twisted addicted mind
Yellatmel
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Small Town, Oregon
Posts: 5
Goodgirl,
I have to agree with everyone else. Take it from me, I am married to a man who sounds like he would have gotten along great with your boyfriend a few years ago. I knew my husband was a prior addict when I married him and thought.. "well he's clean now...so it's okay" Problem is, years later he has just replaced his drug addiction with alcoholism, and now i'm 6 months pregnant with his twins, and trying to decide if I should give him another chance or divorce him before the kids are born so they don't have to see what he puts me through, or see how terrible he can be. Please, I'm not sure how old you are, but the last thing you want to do is waste time on an addict, get out now before he convinces you to marry him, or before you end up with one of his kids. You can do better! Drug users will always choose themselves over you. Sorry to sound so harsh, but id hate to see someone else in my position. It's not easy!
I have to agree with everyone else. Take it from me, I am married to a man who sounds like he would have gotten along great with your boyfriend a few years ago. I knew my husband was a prior addict when I married him and thought.. "well he's clean now...so it's okay" Problem is, years later he has just replaced his drug addiction with alcoholism, and now i'm 6 months pregnant with his twins, and trying to decide if I should give him another chance or divorce him before the kids are born so they don't have to see what he puts me through, or see how terrible he can be. Please, I'm not sure how old you are, but the last thing you want to do is waste time on an addict, get out now before he convinces you to marry him, or before you end up with one of his kids. You can do better! Drug users will always choose themselves over you. Sorry to sound so harsh, but id hate to see someone else in my position. It's not easy!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: In bizarroworld
Posts: 94
For me, I just kept putting it off and putting it off, the breaking up, because it hurt me too much to be without him. But, looking back on it, and its only been a couple of months apart, I see that the only one in the relationship was me. Yes, he was wonderful alot of the time, but addicts are great liars and actors. Did he ever really love me, or was he lying just to have a place to stay? Was he really clean or was I just blind and saw only what I wanted to see? Living, always waiting for the other shoe to drop with another relapse sucks. He slept soundly while I was up checking his phone line online cos he would delete texts and calls he'd made. After two years of lies and manipulations, I never knew what was real and what was a lie, even outside the relationship. I became paranoid and was either crying or having a panic attack. Even right now, I want to text him cos I miss him. But I know that I'm just looking for my "fix" to feed my addiction to him. I know he loves me and misses me, but I'm tired of coming second to him and his addiction. We all deserve better, yet we learn to settle for the worst. Run away while you can and just ride out the pain. They tell me it'll get easier, and I'm sure it will. You're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I can't be with a drug addict but I love him so much.
let's break that up.
1) you can't be with a drug addict
1a) HE IS AN ADDICT
2) you love him
2a) he's STILL an addict
it really isn't as complicated as we try to make it, so we can avoid making a decision. you either uphold your own values or you SACRIFICE them for someone else.
let's break that up.
1) you can't be with a drug addict
1a) HE IS AN ADDICT
2) you love him
2a) he's STILL an addict
it really isn't as complicated as we try to make it, so we can avoid making a decision. you either uphold your own values or you SACRIFICE them for someone else.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
I had a boyfriend once that would "get angry" when confronted about something he did wrong.
One day I saw it for what it was: a way to deflect. He wasn't mad at all, just trying to get me off the topic of what he had done wrong.
It became almost funny to watch. (Though we split very soon after this realization.)
One day I saw it for what it was: a way to deflect. He wasn't mad at all, just trying to get me off the topic of what he had done wrong.
It became almost funny to watch. (Though we split very soon after this realization.)
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Well I Won't tell anyone what to do when it comes to relationships I can only share my story.. My Ex B.F. Was Once A Alcoholic he Quit drinking a year ago.. Now he smokes pot every day several times a day and on top of that he has Bipolar.
I loved him too but he was mentally abusive to me even sometimes cruel.. I left this man 4 times and went back... Finally I Have Accepted That He Has bipolar and a addictive personality.
I refuse to be treated bad and play second to his Marijuana..I did that when he was a alcoholic played 2nd to a beer can...
No more... I'm free and I'm Happy and I finally have peace in my life...
Addicts drag us down, hurt us, lie to us and their first love is their habit.. Please think about what you need and what you want for your future.. I don't feel in my heart that it's this... Just know you deserve to live a happy and peaceful life. Wishing you all the best... Time heals things just know that.
I loved him too but he was mentally abusive to me even sometimes cruel.. I left this man 4 times and went back... Finally I Have Accepted That He Has bipolar and a addictive personality.
I refuse to be treated bad and play second to his Marijuana..I did that when he was a alcoholic played 2nd to a beer can...
No more... I'm free and I'm Happy and I finally have peace in my life...
Addicts drag us down, hurt us, lie to us and their first love is their habit.. Please think about what you need and what you want for your future.. I don't feel in my heart that it's this... Just know you deserve to live a happy and peaceful life. Wishing you all the best... Time heals things just know that.
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