gwenny

Yesterday was a bit of a stressful day in the greater Boston area. I am staying with a friend right downtown and we were on total high alert all day, it was so stressful and scary. Sooooo, when she opened a celebratory bottle of wine after they found the guy late last night, I thought, well, what harm is there in one glass of wine, this kind of day doesn't happen that often. And of course we know how the story goes. She hardly drinks at all ever and just had one glass (she didn't even finish it! How is that POSSIBLE!), I polished off the bottle and most of a second, and feel like sh*t today. It was *incredible* how quickly I went right back into that addictive mode---as she poured the first glass I was already plotting and scheming how I would drink more more more, how I could down my glass quickly and refill it without her noticing, all of those old habits and tricks---just everything falls away and all that matters is getting completely hammered and passing out. I had twelve days, but we're back to day 1 now. Ugggh.

fantail

I'm sorry, that sounds unpleasant... But a very good thing to learn and with fairly low consequences, so that part's good!

This part:
... is something that's really valuable to remember. Thanks for posting about it, it's important for all of us to remember that feeling.

KeyHeart

I'm not sure exactly what to say, I'm still new at sobriety, but I think don't beat yourself up. You can do this, learn from this mistake. The thing I remember when I'm tempted is I now have the absolute ability to "see into the future" and I know that taking the first drink will end VERY BADLY. There's no fooling myself anymore.

gwenny

Thanks Fantail--yeah, I had enough self-awareness in the moment to say to myself, "wow, you are really right back in it, aren't you?" But thankfully was blessed and lucky enough to just go to bed, pass out, and learn from it without causing much damage to myself or others. I had awful dreams about living on the streets, completely messed up---a vision of the end game of this disease, it can't turn out any other way. I just cannot ever pick up.

gwenny

Exactly, Key.

visch1

Welcome back and this is a great remember when. My and others ism is there and waiting for us to let our guard and then pounces. This is why it’s called cunning, baffling and so powerful. It’ll grab us in a heart beat, just look at all the posts about picking up. I needed more tools than I came equipped with and AA sure had the answers for me when I got honest with myself and grew up. BE WELL.

instant

it's in us. just add alcohol

gwenny

Thanks Instant. So true.

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

deeker

Gwenny there is never an excuse good enough to pick up a drink in light of the consequences of where it always took us before. But as long as you learned something and are safe. Now get back to the club!!

gwenny

Deek, you are such a thread nazi, I love it. <3

Mizzuno

The events that took place were horrible. I am sorry that you were in Boston experiencing a terrifying situation. I am glad to hear that you are safe and secure. I am glad that you posted and let us know that you are safe.
Get back on the horse and start riding. Today is a new day. A safer day for all of you in Boston. My heart is with you all.

TheEnd

That sucks, never remember the simple fact that you can't drink no matter the occasion. I know this guy who relapsed after 8 yrs of sobriety when 9/11 happened and he has been drinking ever since. Hopefully you can get back to business.

learningday

Been there too, or made it through few hours around everyone drinking till I finally gave in for just "one" but of course we know how it goes, but we learn from our mistakes, so just remember how u feel today, it will get better, I'm still learning as well, first couldnt make it two weeks, now on my way to half a year, so just wanted to say keep your chin up you can do it take care

Gottalife

This used to happen to me. I had no effective defense against the first drink. There was a complete failure of the kind of defense that prevents one from putting ones hand on a hot stove.

The memories of all the reasons I shouldn't drink, all the horible consequences simply did not come to mind. Sometimes I could come up with some feeble excuse. Your excuse is a real good one, highly credible on the face of it, but it doesn't stand much analysis. What it amounts to is "something terrible happened and my reaction was to put my life at risk by drinking" Doesn't make any sense does it?

Today I have a defense. When tragedy strikes, as it will, I react sanely and normally. Drinking does not present itself as an option, I behave much like other people. But I had to chuck out some old ideas to reach this point.

DG0409

Yesterday is in the past. Learn from it and move on to today.

deeker

What she said!

bigsombrero

I am going to a ballgame tomorrow. There will be ZERO 'cold ones' at the ballpark for me tomorrow, it will be a sunny spring day and that's all I need to enjoy the experience. Over 9 months sober has been hard work, it's good for me to be reminded how quick and fast slip-ups can be. Good luck getting going again and all the best to you!

Hevyn

Hey gwenny. It took me decades to figure out what you are now. I was a slow learner, & it almost cost me my life. This won't happen to you. We can never (not ever) touch the stuff.

I'm glad the crisis is over for dear Boston. Love that town.