Womble76

I'd love to say I was sober over the whole last month but there were three times I slipped - 2 mini tasters at a food show, 1 1/3 bottles of wine one night and 1 bottle of wine on another.

I know that I can't moderate. An opened bottle of wine is an empty one.

I can't say yes to even the smallest drop of anything alcoholic from Sunday to Thursday because I don't trust myself.

I'm scared because my last month has shown that I do have a problem. Even if I'm not what professionals call an alcoholic then without question I have the potential to be one.

Alcohol is not my friend. I now realise I was drinking to try and cope with things that I wasn't handling properly because my mind was fogged. Without it I'm more confident, less nervous, don't sweat the small stuff and my future is bright. I'm frightened about going back to how things were.

Also, I don't think I could've gone this far without this site so thank you.

Anyone else?

visch1

Welcome back. The beginning of recovery for me was getting honest with myself. I went to AA and didn’t like certain things I heard and had ah buts until I got more honest. I was encouraged at each meeting to KEEP COMING which I gratefully did and at last heard what I needed, like “if you don’t pick up the first drink you DON’T have to get sober AGAIN!” Amazing and profound, I started to see the light. By the way are Friday and Saturday free pass days? BE WELL

Womble76

Love that quote!

Hmm, not free pass days, more like under no circumstances can I ever risk drinking so much as one drink on the other days if that makes sense?

visch1

I can't pick up a drink in SAFETY in ANY 24 hour period, period. This kind of thinking is new and unbelievable to many of us as we have a tendency to forget the misery we went through to get here. Remember there are a lot of people looking up at the grass roots that didn't remember this disease is a KILLER. BE WELL.

RDBplus3

For me I didn't trust what would happen when I drank. It was like Russian Roulette. Many times I would drink moderately, often times I would drink more than I had intended, but sometimes I would drink way more than I intended, and then bad consequences were usually the result.

In my rational mind, I know that I should not drink to that excessive point that brings a holocaust of bad consequences, but as I drink, my rational mind becomes impaired, and my alcohol-craving beast within becomes emboldened.

This happened enough times to the point where the bad consequences (and my wife, my boss, and the emergency room) convinced me that my excessive drinking had actually crossed over into a life-controlling addiction.

It has required dedication, but I am working a program of commitment to be completely free from the addiction. I can now see a lot of ways that my 'desire' to drink was actually a life-controlling addiction. I hope your 'free pass' weekends are not actually the days that alcohol controls you and demands, YOU GOTTA DRINK NOW, THIS IS MY TIME TO BE IN CONTROL.

I used to think that not being able to drink was a sentence of being chained and not free to make my own decisions. I have found out it is the complete opposite. I now have many more choices, and I can see just how limiting it was for me to plan everything around being able to drink, which is what I used to think was what 'I' wanted, but I now realize was just an addiction controlling me.

This is just my story, I would like to hear more as your journey continues.

instant

The great thing about committing to sobriety is not having to live with fear, doubt, shame and all the internal and external defences against that.

it is an addiction and it takes a good while to unhook yourself, it can be done, and it is worth it