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Old 04-19-2013, 11:58 PM
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looking for advice

Not sure if I belong here or not. Skimming through some of the other threads here, that seems like a common theme here.

Anyway, about 8 months ago I had a mental crash (that's totally different story) and realized that I really had been drinking too much for the last 15 years. So I quit, and then started drinking again, but much less than I had before.

I used to drink 2-3 drinks a night and then get pretty drunk on Friday and Saturday. Always held a job. Never drove drunk.

About 4 months ago my doctor told me that she thinks I'm an alcoholic. I haven't drank since.

I don't doubt that I was drinking too much, but I can quit drinking if I have to drive, etc. This leads me to think my problem is mental.

Having said all that, despite all the problems alcohol gave me, I still miss it. I feel like I'm grieving for the stuff and going through the "negotiating" stage. Hell, just writing about it makes me want to get a beer right now, even though my life is much better, and I'm much happier, without it.

So I guess I answered my own question; yeah, I do have a problem. Do the cravings ever go away?

I quit smoking many years ago and this seems much harder. Drinking was what I did for many years, and I love being drunk.

Any feedback is welcome. I'm sure that nothing anyone says here could be any harsher than what I've told myself.
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:12 AM
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I cant give you too much advice as i am only 2 weeks into recovery. The cravings are still strong at this stage. The only thing i can say is that only you know if you have a drinking problem and only you can make up your mind to do something about it. I hope you make the correct choice. Well done for not drinking for 4 months and good luck going forward Keep posting if it helps.
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Old 04-20-2013, 05:16 AM
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Alcoholism IS a mental problem if you ask me. Let me ask you, you say you love being drunk. You didn't mention any bad side effects. How are your relationships? Do you get crippling hangovers? Are you a blackout drunk?
Everyone here loves getting drunk, but the ones who succeed in quitting are the ones who hate the consequences more. Good luck to you!
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Old 04-20-2013, 06:11 AM
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Welcome, it's good to see someone getting honest with THEMSELF. Usually people are dishonest about their drinking, I know from first hand experience! I got my help by way of AA and heard a lot that I disagreed with as being honest with myself was not my strong suit. I just had ONE, ya most of 1 bottle. I found out a lot about myself and the demon within me that said I didn't have an alcohol problem, just my wife had become un manageable, chuckle now but back then I believed it totally. Years later it's good to remember when. BE WELL
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Old 04-20-2013, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by KeyHeart View Post
Alcoholism IS a mental problem if you ask me. Let me ask you, you say you love being drunk. You didn't mention any bad side effects. How are your relationships? Do you get crippling hangovers? Are you a blackout drunk?
Everyone here loves getting drunk, but the ones who succeed in quitting are the ones who hate the consequences more. Good luck to you!
This pretty much sums up how I feel. I don't blackout, although with the incident 8 months ago, I wish I did. I really don't like to think about it and would have had a lot of explaining to do to my employer/family had I been caught. I wasn't, but it scared the living crap out of me that I put myself in that situation in the first place. I'm a pretty controlled person when I'm sober.

The wife has many hardcore alcoholics in her family, so my drinking doesn't seem like a big deal to her. I used to wake up on Saturday and Sunday morning grumpy and feeling like ****. I'd go work in the garage until 5 or 6 when I could drink again. I doubt this is unusual.

I still love working in the garage, but get twice as much done now since I can start at 9 or 10 in the morning instead of 1 in the afternoon.

I hate the consequences more, which is why I quit. On a certain level, it's kind of scary that I would miss something so destructive. I guess it comes down you're to battling your own mind, which knows all your weaknesses/desires. That's a very powerful enemy.

I really wish I could just drink sometimes and leave it at that, but I'm afraid the heavy drinking would slowly creep back in.
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Old 04-20-2013, 11:58 AM
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Welcome to SR nimeton

I am surprised your doc told you you were an alcoholic. Was this prompted by you or are there some health concerns?

I think the mental and physical side of addiction are so intertwined as to be indistinguishable. And just because you believe the problem to be mental doesn't mean it isn't a problem. Saying that even non alcoholic drinkers could benefit from a better mental attitude towards alcohol.

If you are feeling deprived because you are not drinking you could do worse than read Allan Carr's book on alcohol. It helps reprogram your brain a bit. Otherwise you'll find lots of helpful advice here x
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:23 PM
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If you think there is a problem, there most likely is. I'd say, keep on living sober. Alcohol brings nothing but death and sickness and destruction. Who needs it?
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Old 04-20-2013, 02:44 PM
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I'm glad I wrote this, as I got better advice than I hoped. Looks like I found the right place.

As for my doctor, she is an addiction specialist and psychologist that I see for depression. I've known her for years and I asked if she thought I was an alcoholic.

I guess the reason I make the distinction about the mental vs. physical is that you think you can control the mental side of things, even if you know better. Like I said, it's kind of scarey that I even think about drinking considering I know I'm better off without it.

How long until you don't miss it anymore? It took me 6 years before I didn't miss smoking.
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:11 PM
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Hi Nimeton -

Alcoholism is progressive. Meaning that while you may be able to manage it now, alcohol will erode that mental capacity over time because it damages the brain.

RE: not missing it anymore.
Recovery tools with help reduce this time - I bet your doctor can coach you through this as part of recovery. EX: AVRT techniques & urge surfing can help manage the cravings.
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:20 PM
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Happy you joined us, Nimeton.

As someone who drank for 30 yrs., it took me about 6 months to stop missing it - & longer to stop thinking about it at all. (I rarely do now.) I went through many phases. At first I was resentful, then resigned, then comfortable & happy with my decision to stop. This is such an individual thing, though - I don't want to discourage you. I was pretty far gone when I quit, & drinking every day.

Glad you are here looking for support and suggestions.
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by nimeton View Post
it's kind of scarey that I even think about drinking considering I know I'm better off without it.
Scary yeah, but it is also kind of natural in a way. I don't know your drinking history but I know with me I used alcohol to de-stress, celebrate, drown my sorrows... it was all I ever knew. I saw my cravings or any thoughts that I missed alcohol as a conditioned response. When I looked at it that way it didn't freak me out that much that I thought about drinking quite a lot. AVRT helped with this same problem too.
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:26 PM
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Hi nimeton

don't worry about how much you dank, or not...to me alcoholism is not about how much or how often, it's about what happens to us when we do.

I loved drinking too - I really loved it from the first glass - it was more than something I did...it was my way of life.

Unfortunately I grew to hate it, it began to consume me, and by then I couldn't stop.

To move on from that I had to change a lot of things - much more than simply drinking.

Getting sober didn't make me happy - it just makes it a little easier for me to work out what I need to do to be happy.

What other things have you changed in your life since you got sober?
D
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi nimeton

don't worry about how much you dank, or not...to me alcoholism is not about how much or how often, it's about what happens to us when we do.

I loved drinking too - I really loved it from the first glass - it was more than something I did...it was my way of life.

Unfortunately I grew to hate it, it began to consume me, and by then I couldn't stop.

To move on from that I had to change a lot of things - much more than simply drinking.

Getting sober didn't make me happy - it just makes it a little easier for me to work out what I need to do to be happy.

What other things have you changed in your life since you got sober?
D
You said a lot in here that I agree with.

"Getting sober didn't make me happy - it just makes it a little easier for me to work out what I need to do to be happy."

I like this. I was amazed when I first quit how rather than being limited, I could get more done when I wasn't hungover almost every time I had a day off.

As for changes, I've been running a lot. I'm recovering from an injury, but I'm back to 4 miles a day. I want to get back to the 7 I was doing when I first quit. The strength and weight loss have been a big motivator. I've also bee trying to eat better.

Not much else besides that. I guess that's why I'm here.

PS What is AVRT?
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Old 04-21-2013, 02:04 AM
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Addiction Voice Recognition Technique. It is explained in the book Rational Recovery or you can google the crash course on AVRT. There's lots of information on it in the secular connections forum here too x
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Old 04-21-2013, 02:32 AM
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Hi

I'm not sure you can compare the addiction of smoking to alcohol.

I was a smoker and I have been stopped for over five years now.

I think that, although there are serious health implications from smoking, it does not cause the 'bottoms' that drinking does.

You often don't get sacked for smoking at work.
You don't usually get in trouble for smoking while driving (at least in the UK)
You don't cause misery to your family, reputation, children and friends from smoking.
You don't blackout from smoking usually.
You don't end up in prison from smoking.
You don't end up in a mental health institution from smoking cigarettes.

I have over a year now, about 428 days.

For years I asked my self 'I am an alcoholic?' just like you are doing.

All the while I carried on drinking, being more unhappy, creating more trouble for myself and others.

We can get really hung up on labels - like binge drinker, alcohol abuser, alcoholic, problem drinker.

But in my mind, if alcohol makes you unhappy for whatever reason that should be reason enough to stop.

And you don't really need to wait for a professional diagnosis from your doctor, you will know deep down if drink is a problem and causing you to be unhappy.

I missed it at first, but it was not hard work, it was just different.

Now, I promise you it is second nature to not drink.

I am amazed at how drinking affects your cognition and your understanding of the world, how you concentrate on things and process information.

I did a three day medical conference in the UK as part of my job.

There is always a lot of drink involved.

The next day one of my colleagues could not concentrate on a task we had to do on our laptops.

He kept getting angry, shoving his laptop and was pouring with sweat.
All he could think about was getting home (driving!!) to have another beer to relieve his hangover.

I can honestly say I do not miss those days one tiny bit.

Why not try for 30 days to stop drinking? See how you go?

I would also really recommend reading about AVRT and addictive voice recognition.

I think we can all draw common ground on it. That voice in your head thats says 'its friday, I deserve a drink, everyone drinks on a friday'.

Or 'I can't be an alcoholic if I have managed to go 5 days without a drink'.

Does it sound familiar?


My best to you
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Old 04-21-2013, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by hypochondriac View Post
Addiction Voice Recognition Technique. It is explained in the book Rational Recovery or you can google the crash course on AVRT. There's lots of information on it in the secular connections forum here too x
I'll look into that, thanks.

Sasha, I've been sober since Dec. last year. I'm just surprised I still miss it so much.
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