Stuck in Yuck

Old 04-19-2013, 07:03 PM
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Stuck in Yuck

ASis is drunk. Right now. Drinking, Drunk.

DH told her 3 days ago, you cannot get falling down drunk in this house.

So she isnt falling down yet, but certainly on her way there.

I am currently hiding in my room so I dont have to be around it. Hiding in my room in MY OWN HOUSE.

I told DH, he now says he has a hard time kicking out someone who doesnt have a job. He said of course he doesnt want her to be drunk, but if she is in her room not bothering us he doesnt care. Though, she is not in her room. He is really laid back, and now I am wondering if he will actually take a hard stand on this with her. I think DH's opinion may be, she is not actually hurting anyone, being belligerent, mean, violent, etc. so what's the big deal. So then why does my stomach turn into knots and I go into a panic over it? I wonder if I am being completely irrational?

So, at the moment I am feeling like again, noone else is going to protect me. I am the only one who will. But I guess part of this whole recovery thing is learning that that is exactly the point, and I HAVE to be the one to protect myself.

I have never ever said anything to her myself about her drinking. This is not going to go well. Of course it will do me no good to confront her now, as she is drunk.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Terrispots View Post
So then why does my stomach turn into knots and I go into a panic over it? I wonder if I am being completely irrational?
No, you're not being irrational. You know how the song and dance goes, that's why your stomach is in knots.

I agree that confronting her while she's drinking would probably do no good; it sounds like it'd amount to going and looking for trouble. If she comes out of her room and gets belligerent, that'd be a bit different. Do you think your H would be more inclined to be concerned then? Will you be able to express your concerns to him so that you can both have a plan in place if that happens?
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Old 04-20-2013, 01:28 AM
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My sister is passed now but if she were in my house doing this, she'd be told off. I tell my AH off about his drinking and she'd be no different if she did that to me, close or not.

Reminds me of the time I had my mother stay with us after my sister died so suddenly. She brought her dog. She asked if she could feed the dog AH's left overs and I told her not in front of my Rottweiler and Boxer unless she wanted a dead dog so she insisted on letting her fox terrior stand on my kitchen table to eat off of it! I told her I'd strangle them both! Then she wouldn't crate the dog at night and left it deficate and urinate all through our house all the while letting me know that when we go to work at night, this is what she does! But what got her kicked out virtually over night is when she asked me point blank, How would you like it if I ruined your marriage?! I had to be at work and I told her as soon as I got home, SHE WAS OUT! And she was.

How much do you want to put up with? Or should I ask, How much are you *willing* to put up with? I have no sympathy for family who act like an a-hole. If booze would have been involved, she'd of never made it through the threshold. Promise you that. Now she's shacked up on my brother's couch eating pain pills and drinking all his beer. I have enough problems that bring me here. I also have an uncanny ability to go into my closet and dust the bitchsuit off. She called me cold when I dropped her off where I picked her up. No Honey, don't get it twisted....

She had a safe place to lay her head until she wanted to be an ass. And then, I showed her the door. It's not my fault she couldn't keep her trap shut. Try it sometime. It's empowering to not let someone you love run all over you and it opens other peoples eyes and they find out that yes, you do mean business.

I'm still working on AH though! I think next time he wants to drink, I'll make him leave!
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:38 AM
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You've never actually said anything to her about her drinking, and sounds like you're waiting for your husband to take a stand. He has set and broken boundaries, so she is learning he can be manipulated. She IS hurting you, you're hiding in your room stressed out!

You just recently gave her 30 days notice, but if things got worse she would be asked to leave immediately. So what's it going to take for YOU to hold her accountable and keep your boundary? You can't wait for others to do it for you. You have a right to peace and quiet in your home.
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Old 04-20-2013, 05:54 AM
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Dear Terrispots, a fundamental problem, now, is that you and your husband are not on the same page. As I mentioned before, if you two are not absolutely united and back each other up--this will never get off the ground.

Can the two of you go to a separate place--where you can freely hash this out until you come to a united policy? It might take quite a lot of gut level discussion (LOL)---but, there has to be a point of agreement between you.

sincerely, dandylion
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Old 04-20-2013, 06:16 AM
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This is your house. If you're not comfortable with what's going on there, then that's not cool - you need to be able to relax in your own home! Your husband may be okay with what's going on, but if you're not, then he should respect your feelings.

As ugly and hard as it may be, it is time to take a stand for yourself. I think you need to talk to your sister calmly and directly. Maybe go to a neutral location - coffee shop or restaurant - to talk if you're afraid she'll blow up if you talk in the home?
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Old 04-20-2013, 06:52 AM
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DH and I talked again last night and he said I was right (as usual). He said her being here is causing stress between the two of us and that is unacceptable. He is going to set the boundaries with her on Sunday (doesnt want to ruin the whole weekend). Tell her she has 30 days unless there are further issues. An actual date has not been established with her yet. So I feel like it is only fair to do that .

I just finished the rest of the night in my room. but shortly after I noticed she was drunk she went in her room and stayed there. So, we will see how things go. DH and I are on the same page. Or at least the same book now, so at least if it is causing trouble with he and I, and it will, cause he doesnt like it when I am stressed, and I wont handle her crap well. So eventually it comes between us.

To be honest, I dont KNOW how much I can take, how much I am willing to take. I guess we will see.
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