Is he an alcoholic?

Old 04-19-2013, 09:45 AM
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Is he an alcoholic?

I am really worried about my partner's drinking habits but I seem to be the only one that is, I don't think his family have any idea how much he is drinking and I need someone to tell me if I am being stupid or if I have reason to be worried.

He goes to the pub 3-5 times a week and often goes before or around 5 pm and doesn't leave until closing or later (he goes to friends houses and continues drinking). He does this every week even though we don't have a lot of money and when I ask him to stop he gets really defensive and says that it is the only time he spends with his friends. If I go to the pub with him he normally drinks 5-6 pints of lager but I get the feeling that this is more when he goes out alone. Recently I have noticed that he seems to be getting more and more moody, especially on days before he goes to the pub. I also know for a fact that he has lied and told me he was not at the pub when he was on several occasions (twice this week alone). I also know that he has started to do things that are uncharacteristic for him like drinking alone in the house if he doesn't go to the pub and even driving under the influence which he was 1000% against when we met.

His drinking really hurts me because it comes before anything else, even things he wants (like the new car he's been saving for for years) and its ruining our relationship. He never gets violent or anything but he definitely has a shorter fuse these days.

I don't know if he has a problem or if he's just fallen out of love with me but I need some advice because its wearing me down.

Thanks in advance
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:57 AM
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I think if it is a problem for you, then it's a problem, whatever else anyone calls it.

Welcome to SR, gs! I'm glad you found us, though sorry for what brought you here. I hope you will invest some time in reading the threads in this form and familiarize yourself with some of our stories about living with those who have a problem with drinking. Especially the Sticky threads at the top of the forum -- those contain a lot of experience, strength, and hope that's common to many of our stories here.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:03 AM
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That he's drinking and driving now, when totally against that in the past, is the proof in the pudding.
His priorities are changing, drinking taking the forefront, example-his lying about going to the pub.
I don't have the answers as to how to get him to see that, but I think the above should relieve you of the thought that he simply doesn't love you anymore, and help put your doubt aside whether he is going down that slippery slope.
To help yourself, I would stop asking him if he has been to the pub. You already know he will lie about it, and asking him again knowing he will lie will just drive yourself mad and fuel resentment.
You will get some terrific insight here.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:07 AM
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Thanks for the reply, I have been reading and it has scared me, I know a lot of people have it A LOT worse than I do but I can see traits people are mentioning starting in him. I'm terrified because I love him to pieces and I don't want to let go but I can't live like this either. I'm a totally different person now to what I was when we met and I think I am going to seek professional help (although that is NOT going to go down well with him). Regardless of his drinking our relationship is obviously falling apart.
Thank you for the support
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:47 PM
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Alcoholism is a progressive disease, the A gets worse over time. You have already seen that in your partner. His behaviors have become worse, even dangerous to others if he's now driving drunk. If you're feeling you can't live like this, how will you live with it as it gets worse? We can love our A's with all our hearts, it does no good because their first love is alcohol...always. So we have to remember to love ourselves first and foremost. We can't change their behavior, but we can change how we react to it. I"m glad you're going to seek professional help. This disease makes us sick as well, you already feel you're a different person. So get help for yourself, go to AlAnon and find support. Take care of YOU
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