emilyalice

Okay I'm about to enter my second weekend of not drinking and Friday night was when I'd 'treat' myself after a hard week's work/kids/stress etc and open a few bottles of wine.

Sooooo.....I'm knackered and don't want to do more stuff to distract myself i.e. gym, walking/whatever. I want to sit and *relax* but if I just settle down to watch TV or a film the alcohol association is too strong. I really don't want to go to bed at 8pm just to avoid caving in but am struggling to substitute my alcohol crutch with anything else relaxing.

I know there may be a strong temptation to diagnose what I'm doing as 'romanticising alcohol' or that i'm in the 'early stages of recovery' but at the moment I dont' need the self-analysis I just want to find a way to stop the f*cking craving and for my brain to stop feeling like it's full of angry people fighting. I actually just want to get very very very mindlessly drunk at the moment - I actually miss the feeling of looking forward to getting wasted. I know rationally and morally and health-wise that's probably not a good self-image to have but god I used to love a good drink on a Friday. However, perhaps instead I'll log on here and spend the whole evening talking about not drinking.....

Sorry for the dry sense of humour but I'd rather have a laugh than become a pseudo-counsellor for myself and others.....god, I sound bitter! :-) anyway, just unloading my emotional alcohol yearnings - perhaps by day 12 tomorrow the sun'll be shining and I'll be clicking my heels in the air having found the new alcohol-free me....

anyway, back to work - hope you're all still enjoying the journey as much as I am....

shirlygirly

Hi, Emily! Man, do I hear you. I'm on Day 27, and had this feeling every Friday throughout my 12 years of extremely heavy drinking, so obviously my first few weekends sober were the same.

When you have time at work today, find a few movies you think you'll be interested in watching tonight to plan ahead. I actually rented Smashed, which was a tiny bit cheesy, but hit home with me last weekend, when I was on only my third sober weekend, and recovering from the breakup of my long-term relationship, which happened a few days prior. Anyways, just plan out some snacks to eat, and some movies to watch, and you'll be set!

Also, feel free to message me on here if you start to crave a drink. Good luck!

Grymt

Interesting. it's not unusual for the choice to drink comes when the opportunity to not drink and to strengthen sobriety is another choice. Logic dictates that choosing the latter is in ones best interest. To choose the latter it really is a matter of finding a way to 'stop the cravings' sober. Probably it is wise to choose to be on SR and wait for something to click.

daisy1

Eat - lots and lots of yummies. I feel exactly the same every Friday - I'm hoping it will ease in time, like smoking when the associations start to be forgotten.

Try to remember how crap you feel all weekend if you drink - that's what I do xxx

kbsss

I'm on day 11 and know how you feel. The best piece of advice that I've received, from this website in fact, is to have a plan that you can follow when those cravings rear their ugly head. Write down all of the things you can do to distract yourself from breaking down and having that drink. Then, when you feel one coming on, go back to your list and try each one until you find something that gives you pleasure and peace. For me, these things are planning/cooking healthy foods, going for walks, calling friends, or reading about the benefits of not drinking online. Each day without alcohol reinforces my confidence that I can resist it. My brain is literally getting retrained. My cravings have gone way down since last weekend to the point that I haven't thought of alcohol for most of the week. But weekends are my weakness, because I'm home instead of at work. So, although I feel strong right now, I'll have to pull out my bag of tricks tonight. I have no doubt that I'll get through it and the support from this website has definitely helped me. I will cross my fingers and hope that you feel strong tonight and the rest of the weekend.

doggonecarl

Eleven days is awesome.

Hey, if you figure out the secret to this, post it, as there are hundreds who could benefit.

But the fact is, this is the struggle of early recovery, the unending mind chatter that we know will be turned off with a drink. But then the whole cycle starts over again.

Have you read about AVRT?

snohomishaa

Why not get on here and look at the stories. Of people who did not make it through last weekend?

Dib42

fixed it for you . . .

Weekends are tough. If I slip up, its almost always on a weekend.

Last week was my first completely 100% alcohol free weekend. I had gone through a couple weekends where I only had a few shots or a few beers also there were a few weekend days where I got tanked...

Dib42

I'm so insanely proud of you. (which is weird because I don't even know you). But I remembered reading your story and thinking about how if you can stay sober through your situation, than my excuses really are petty attempts to just get drunk. I'm happy to see you're clinging onto the wagon for dear life.

emilyalice

Hi all - thanks for your kind, funny, supportive messages. I got stressed at work today and though I'd like to be able to process all my emotions effortlessly and shrug off the cares of the day as soon as I enter the 'sanctuary of my home' (i.e. grumpy partner and hyper-active kids) my powers of elegant detachment are not what they were - especially without the *soothing power of alcohol* (cue relaxed music- I know I know I'm still in love with the thought of the b*stard drink despite the way it's treated me - notice my complete lack of responsibility or ownership :-)).

Anyway, to the point - in order to get over my initial 'home-from-work-friday-night-need-drink-now-craving' I have eaten half a tub of ice cream. I now feel slightly sick and also fat (self esteem issue) and so am going to haul (and I use the word advisedly) my sorry ass to the treadmill and try and pound the track (or whatever it's called) for an hour or so. I have no intention of working up a sweat but I'm just trying to do as much obvious and cr*ppy distraction on myself until I'm physically exhausted; otherwise if I sit here twiddling my thumbs I'm going to find some bullsh*t way of convincing myself that I need to have another 'pity party for one' and drown my sorrows.

It just kind of feels wrong though - I don't smoke, I don't drink, I just work and then avoid drink, sleep and work again. I feel like it's a war of attrition at the moment - but then I look at my kids and they don't drink - they get stressed at school or whatever, have a rant / talk it out and everythings hunky dory again. This evening I feel like I'm slowly stripping back the layers of why drink was such a coping mechanism for me but part of me doesn't really want to go there yet - not ready and it'd probably make me hit the bottle again. Baby steps I guess and all that - life's sh*t sometimes.

Anyway cheers to sobriety/recovery or whatever this is. have good Friday evenings all - may post on here later - prolly at 2am or some godforsaken time when I need to rant to cyberspace about the unfairness of not being able to drink and stay healthy. (hey, maybe I should invent a drink where you get drunk but no hangover or health issues - prolly not the right mind-set for here though....) :-) later fellow healthy people.

shirlygirly

Thanks, Dib! That means a lot- like really, really means a lot. Thanks for the support

shirlygirly

I feel exactly the same way. I think by nature, alcoholics are dramatic people, constantly craving excitement. I've been putting out fires for so long, and now that I don't have any fires to put out I feel a little bit lost and don't know what to do with myself.

So yea, I totally hear you. However, the alternative is pure hell, so I'll take the boredom over the hell. Ya know?

shauninspain

What do you think about computer games? Do you play them? The only reason I'm asking is because they are a perfect antidote for having noting to do. They are done sitting/lying down and require no physical effort. And they can be very challenging. Some taking weeks or months to play. Some have no end point at all!

Clearly you need something that does not remind you of drinking. But which is engaging and absorbing. If you have never been into playing them it may well be worth a look. They can range from fast paced and frantic, to slow and sedate.

My personal favorite is SimCity 4. It's quite exceptional how involved you can become in the minute details of building a city!