Kys

But if I'm being really honest, I'm sick of 'abusing' alcohol.

I say I'm sick of 'abusing' it because I still want to be able to enjoy alcohol on nights out, occasions, when appropriate etc etc.

I understand how riddled with failure my above statement likely is. I'm being honest - I don't see a future without alcohol - of course I want it to only be given the above circumstances, the 'normal'. Right now it's not. It's been like this for just over a year now.

I'm capable of going over a period of days without alcohol, I can really do it. But on that night I do drink, it's been followed by many many more.


Third time, I'm being honest with writing the above, and I understand it goes against much of what I've read here. I don't know what to think.

Thanks.

trachemys

Not to be blunt but, time to consider quitting for good.

Dee74

I understand the ambivalence Kys.

I also understand that I couldn't move forward until I accepted my relationship with alcohol was toxic and that I needed it out of my life.

You can make that decision now or in 5, 10 fifteen years time, but the sooner you make it the less you're likely to lose.

Ambivalent or not, you know what the right way is for you.

maybe you need to put more effort into staying sober Kys?

I never got anywhere until I started working harder on staying sober than I did drinking.

D

wiscsober

You will start stringing days together...admission first of powerlesness and unmanageability...acceptance of the illness second...instead of thinking your actions are failures try that they are attempts at early recovery...you will live a clean and sober life when you choose...always the best to you.

Time and days are bench marks and don't adequately address the severity of the illness.

Nonsensical

I had a 22 year quest for a 'normal' relationship with alcohol. My story has a happy ending - I realized I was chasing the wrong thing.

I hope you find your happy ending, too.

DarkDays

If you carry on the way you are nothing changes. Obsession anxiety and hangovers await.

Of course you could liberate yourself from the clutches of alcohell and gain sobriety.

Life is raw and real and may feel strange for a while, but things get better and better and need I say better

Win win situation .

rainyengland

Early days - I guess there is a lot of us here feel the same

A life without alcohol - how the hell is that possible , how the hell will I enjoy life ever again??!!

Is life enjoyable chained to something that is destroying us and eventually going to kill us?

Nah!..string them days together and boot it out your life :-)

Good luck

BruceJ

I guess that most of us, deep down, would like to be "normal drinkers".
Speaking only for myself....I have an illness/malady/disease/whatever that causes me, once I start to drink, to (most times) lose control over a sane amount to consume....and for how long.
Drinking was (and probably still is) a "quick fix" for a lot of my issues, such as social anxiety, boredom, low self-esteem, fear, etc.
So when I get honest with myself, I need something that addresses this junk without using the percieved cure that doesn't work anymore.
Lots of choices here....12 step program seems to work pretty good for me.

All the best.

doggonecarl

I appreciated your honesty.

That statement, more than a laundry list of the "bad" things you've done under the influence, more than the ample evidence of what alcohol is doing to you and your life, should tell you how abnormal your drinking is.

It took the clarity of sobriety, several months worth, for it to be clear to me that I wasn't a normal drinker, wasn't ever going to be a normal drinker, and therefore, could never drink again. Ever.

I found that extremely liberating.

Good luck on your quest for a normal relationship with alcohol.

wiscsober

Life is beyond enjoyable, glorious at times. Drinking alcohol is not a choice, even if I think of it, through working the steps and helping others, a new life has been revealed. This is how we enjoy life again, again, and again.

Kys

I wish I wasn't writing from a phone so I could properly acknowledge how much I appreciate so much of this, but I will take these quotes with me.

It's odd. The alcohol counceling I've undergone - I've been told twice I don't fit the 'typical' archetype, and its been suggested it's 'habitual', more than an addiction. I'm truthful with them. I've never pursued in depth counceling though, but all the same.

I hold on to that. That it's true, I hope. My words - I hope it's the circumstances that have led me to drinking, rather than the drinking having led me to circumstances. I feel I could control the former better.


I've never been so honest here. I continue to read what you have written, and will write. Believe me. I may be very far or very close to actualising what it is I need to do, or anywhere inbetween.

Kys

I thank you all so much. I don't feel alone.

duane1

My words - I hope it's the circumstances that have led me to drinking, rather than the drinking having led me to circumstances.

I'm sure I could have said the same about my drinking at one time, but once alcohol gets ahold of you, it really doesn't matter where the addiction came from.

least

If someone granted me a wish to be a 'normal drinker' I'd say "no thanks" cause I like my life without that poison. It turned me into someone I didn't like and made me hate myself. I don't think I have anything to gain by drinking "normally". I'm happy sober.

Kys

I'm addicted to alcohol.

I am. I don't know what that means. God.

duane1

It means you have faced reality and hopefully means you realize you have to quit. We are all here to support you through that. As a daily abuser for many, many years, I am here to say you don't need it and will be much happier without it.

ScottFromWI

In my mind, it means we can't control our drinking, nothing more and nothing less.

It means you can move forward and build a great life without it if you truly want to.

It means you no longer have to worry about drinking more than you intend and the consequences that go along with it.

It's a positive thing in all senses of the term.

ru12

Kys, that is the nature of alcohol. Drink enough and long enough and you will become addicted. If you could see alcohol for what it truly is, and not for what we imagine it is, you wouldn't ever drink it. Allen Carr's Easyway book about alcohol explains precisely what alcohol truly is. It might be worth a read. The book title varies a bit based upon which side of the pond you are on.

Michael66

Hi Kys,

My biggest battle was accepting that I couldn't drink occasionally or drink responsibly. But when I tried that (many many times time) I just couldn't avoid over-shooting and drinking too much too often. I would never, out of choice, be one of those people who would leave the bar or ask for a soft drink saying "I don't fancy any more, thanks". Some people can moderate their drinking - I think only you can honestly answer whether you are in that camp or not. I knew for a long time that couldn't moderate drinking, but it took me a lot longer to really accept that deep down.

But you know, I feel totally differently now. If someone offered me a cure where I could drink like "normal" people I'd say "no thanks - I am more than happy with my life of total abstinence". It took quite a while to feel that way, but the aspirations to be a moderate/social drinker are no longer there - I am very happy having absolutely nothing to do with alcohol any more, but I can empathize with anyone battling against the idea of total abstinence as I was in that state for many years.

God bless you.

Kys

Goodnight all.

I WANT a sober day tomorrow, it will get me in a better head space. Surely?

It will be a challenge. I'll be here.