KKE

......and my partner has been attending AA and has been sober and drug free for a month and bit now. Not very long.

I did two tests today and both are positive...... I haven't told him. I know this changes everything and I don't want it to put a strain on his recovery.

If I'm honest, I'm scared......

Chino

You are the most important person in the world to you. What do you want for you?

KKE

I'm still feeling quite shocked as I wasn't expecting a positive result. I guess right now I know I don't want a termination. That's all I know right now.

Lily1918

dare I day it?? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Imho babies are always a blessing. who cares what their dad is like cuz their mamma is awesome!!!
you have plenty of time to tell him later.

you say as of right now you don't want a termination. Thats ok..

I considered adoption for months and months of both of my pregnancies. I ended up keeping them.

everyone is different.

Im sure you're feeling overwhelmed.
hugs
lily

AnvilheadII

IMHO, the first next step is to call your doctor and have them do a pregnancy test. this is a time to be absolutely certain of what you are dealing with.

ps - kinda sad that one of your first thoughts was how this might affect HIS recovery.

zoso77

AnvilHead posted an interesting observation above me, and one that's dead on. You post about your partner and how a pregnancy could adversely affect him.

Well, what about you? If indeed you are expecting, it would appear you have to think about two people: you and your baby. So how does this change things for you?

ZoSo

Kindeyes

Babies complicate matters. There's no doubt about it.

gentle hugs
ke

shinebright7

((Hugs))

And suggestion to spend some time with Step 11 to ease your concerns:

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

xo

allforcnm

I can relate to this a bit. My husband and I had just seperated due to his behaviors related to addiction - and shortly after I found out I was pregnant.
A long story I wont get into, but I understand the feelings of being scared, and the anxiety. I also think it is completely normal to think about the impact it will have on our partner. I mean this is a joint venture !! A million thoughts went through my mind when I found out.

Get an official test at the doctor, and then give yourself some time to let it all sink in. The good news is you will have some time before the new arrival. Hopefully since he is in recovery, you can both work together to make plans, and even alternate plans in case of a relapse. My husband found his way to recovery, and now has a year clean. He has become an excellent dad. Its hard to judge what affect impending parenthood will have on someone, but I always believe things happen for a reason - for you, for him.. your not alone, someone up there is watching out for you always. Congratulations !!

choner11

KKE, i can relate to this very much. Long story short, i got pregnant during a first visit of my AXBF (at the time he was obviously my BF) being in a halfway house, after just getting out of a 90 rehab. I was scared as all hell too. Do what YOU want, because if all else fails (lets hope it ddoesnt), that baby will still have you! Congratulations, its the greatest feeling in the world!! And Good Luck!

KKE

It's early days yet and I know at this stage anything can go wrong. According to the NHS website I am four weeks pregnant so very early..... I'm going to book a dr appointment for ASAP.

If all goes well and nothing does go wrong then I know that what has to change is me. I won't let a baby live under the same roof as an active alcoholic and user that's for sure. It just hurts none the less knowing that at any point he could relapse and this time I have to have the strength to tell him to sober up elsewhere. I want so much for us to be happy and enjoy this but don't want to delude myself either.

Thank you for your support.

Vale

tie breaker!

Before it was you & addict.

Now it's you,addict,and baby.

I think that adds up to an ODD number.

2 vs 1.

(The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,
or the one).....corny Star Trek line but I couldn't resist.

KKE

I know it's early days and there is every chance it could go wrong and I don't know when I should start actually thinking "this is happening". Is it like 12 weeks or something?

I've got a dr appointment booked today for 4pm.

Did a third test this morning......positive.

He has been doing so well with AA and things have been amazing but as we all know, relapse is always a possibility and I know it's sad but I'm scared its going to prove all too stressful and it triggers him to drink and do drugs etc. who knows? Should I just be positive and believe its all going to be ok or is it wise to be cautious?

choner11

I think its just a bad habit that we worry. Although we shouldnt. A new child shouldnt cause him to relapse. And if hes in recovery right now, just be positive he will continue to do the right thing, even though we have our doubts!

Chino

KKE, that you know what you want is powerful. It seems to be an unfortunate byproduct of codependency to lose self and what we want/need for self.

Please be cautious and don't count/depend on your partner for anything. Count on yourself

shinebright7

Remember the three C's:

Can't cause it
Can't cure it
Can't control it

Life is gonna happen whether they are using or are sober or are new to recovery.

We can't walk on eggshells our entire lives because the addict is using or is dry or is in recovery...that would be All the time that one of those is happening. !!

I am practicing to live my life without regard to what it may or may not mean for my addict.

My world is not supposed to revolve around him.

And many addicts use over much less things than learning of a pregnancy. They use bc thats what addicts do and they don't even need a stressful situation to do it.

So you and this baby are not powerful enough to make him use again. You are not responsible for his recovery and I am not responsible for my husband's.

This is what I'm practicing and trying to live one day at a time. Wanna practice it, too? xo

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

KKE

Thank you for all the posts. I've been to the dr and he's confirmed that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. So, there we go......

zoso77

KKE...

What I like to tell people who are faced with difficult decisions is you have to make those decisions based on what you know to be true, and not what you hope may happen. Your situation is that much more critical because you will be bringing a child into the world.

Take advantage of what we have to offer on the board. Read, read, and read some more. Be open minded when you do.

And we'll all be here to support you.

ZoSo

KKE

Thank you, that's really comforting to know.

At the moment my decision is I am not terminating my pregnancy and I will put this pregnancy first. Once I get past the 12 week mark I think things will seem real and I will be able to make more decisions.

My partner is at an AA meeting as we speak. That's got to be a good sign..... :-)

Thank you for everyone's support and help.

allforcnm

Congrats KKE !

I think it is a good sign your husband is taking his recovery seriously. I think it is always best to have a positive outlook and plan for success, but we always need to make contingency plans. That is not a negative, it is more of a life necessity. Our husbands have addiction issues, but many things can happen in relationships that would require us to take a more active or single role as a parent; other illness, physical disability, accidents, unexpected death. I mean it is just a reality. I would make one suggestion, not sure if your husband is doing any other kind of treatment besides AA, but if the situation seems to stress him then I would suggest he consider adding some private therapy. This is what my husband does to assist his recovery, and its been an amazing outlet for him, and has taught him a lot of coping skills, behavior modification techiniques, etc.
Your husband has lots of options at his disposal to help support his recovery. I didnt have a therapist when I was expecting, but I did get one when my husband was in rehab, and she was a great source of support for me, and helped me deal with the past, and look to the future with confidence.
Sending all good wishes your way... I forgot to ask, but assumed this was your first child?