Can't pay for a Lawyer after having run through all my savings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Can't pay for a Lawyer after having run through all my savings
I have gotten to the bottom line here. STBX has denied me the court-ordered pension and I have gone through all of my savings just keeping me and the kids afloat. Now he, knowing I am broke, is paying for expensive legal help to support his efforts to win want he wants in this divorce.
I already have a European lawyer but he is trying to redirect all proceedings to the U.S. there is a date set in early May for a U.S. divorce hearing.
I need an American lawyer to start acting on my behalf right away. The lawyer that I spoke to today said that lawyers there need an initial retainer. She wants $15,000. I have nothing.
My mother is here and could help me financially but doesn't want to. She suggested that we go on welfare. My STBX makes enough that his children should have none of these worries about no money for shoes or food. But that is what has happened to us.
How to people pay these retainers? I have already paid a lawyer here a considerable sum.
Is it worth pursuing a lawyer for low income families?
Have we gone from comfortable to poor as quickly as it seems?
I don't know what to do anymore. My lawyer here says hire a lawyer in the U.S. to get my STBX's salary into my account so I can pay the bills. But to do that I need $15,000?! HELP!!!
Sorry if this is poorly written. It's tough, doing all of this on a phone!
I already have a European lawyer but he is trying to redirect all proceedings to the U.S. there is a date set in early May for a U.S. divorce hearing.
I need an American lawyer to start acting on my behalf right away. The lawyer that I spoke to today said that lawyers there need an initial retainer. She wants $15,000. I have nothing.
My mother is here and could help me financially but doesn't want to. She suggested that we go on welfare. My STBX makes enough that his children should have none of these worries about no money for shoes or food. But that is what has happened to us.
How to people pay these retainers? I have already paid a lawyer here a considerable sum.
Is it worth pursuing a lawyer for low income families?
Have we gone from comfortable to poor as quickly as it seems?
I don't know what to do anymore. My lawyer here says hire a lawyer in the U.S. to get my STBX's salary into my account so I can pay the bills. But to do that I need $15,000?! HELP!!!
Sorry if this is poorly written. It's tough, doing all of this on a phone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Do you have a credit card? Can you get one? You're still married so you might be able to still get one using your husband's income. Or, can your Mom help you out qualifying for one. There are CC out there that don't require payment for 12 months ... maybe something like that?
I'm sorry I don't any other advice at the moment.
I'm sorry I don't any other advice at the moment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Over an extended period, STBX started redirecting his income and instead of paying the credt card debt off like every summer, the money went elsewhere.
So credit cards are maxxed out for the first time ever. I guess I could see if one of the cards would extend our limit, or try to take out a card on my own here...I could ask my bank for help tomorrow...
Thanks for the ideas!
So credit cards are maxxed out for the first time ever. I guess I could see if one of the cards would extend our limit, or try to take out a card on my own here...I could ask my bank for help tomorrow...
Thanks for the ideas!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Yikes pippi! that's alot of money.
$15,000.00 seems quite steep for a retainer, well at least in my part of the USA.
Maybe, Lexie will happen by and be able to suggest something.
Are you and your children U.S citizens? dual citizenship? Not even sure if it matters, oh Lexie where are thou?
$15,000.00 seems quite steep for a retainer, well at least in my part of the USA.
Maybe, Lexie will happen by and be able to suggest something.
Are you and your children U.S citizens? dual citizenship? Not even sure if it matters, oh Lexie where are thou?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Pippi,
I second what Ady just said. You will likely have to file a response to his U.S. filing. On that form it will probably have a place to check off that you will be seeking legal fees. If it's not on a response form - a separate motion for that request can be filed.
You definetly have a valid case to request he cover those fees...particulary if he has hired a lawyer himself.
Also, look into services for low-income representation in the state where the case will be filed. A google search for "low income legal assistance, divorce, {state name}" should work. If you don't have luck with that -go to the website of the judicial branch for that state (or even the specific court where your case is filed), they often have links to legal assistance non-profits and pro-bono services.
On another note, most states here have pretty agressive laws for going after childsupport and back payments. By having the case heard here, you may be able to take advantage of those to a greater degree than where you are now. (I don't know for sure- but I want to find that silver lining in his latest despicable manuever)
Sending support!!
Hugs,
MamaKit
I second what Ady just said. You will likely have to file a response to his U.S. filing. On that form it will probably have a place to check off that you will be seeking legal fees. If it's not on a response form - a separate motion for that request can be filed.
You definetly have a valid case to request he cover those fees...particulary if he has hired a lawyer himself.
Also, look into services for low-income representation in the state where the case will be filed. A google search for "low income legal assistance, divorce, {state name}" should work. If you don't have luck with that -go to the website of the judicial branch for that state (or even the specific court where your case is filed), they often have links to legal assistance non-profits and pro-bono services.
On another note, most states here have pretty agressive laws for going after childsupport and back payments. By having the case heard here, you may be able to take advantage of those to a greater degree than where you are now. (I don't know for sure- but I want to find that silver lining in his latest despicable manuever)
Sending support!!
Hugs,
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
In my part of the world you can apply for legal aid which means certain lawyers will take on the work if you are low income & money either comes out of legal settlement or in some cases a portion will be waivered or in some cases you can pay it back in small amounts.
Persue every avenue you can.
Hugs, it's a hard place to be.
Persue every avenue you can.
Hugs, it's a hard place to be.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry, I'm really no help in this sort of thing. I have no idea which court would have primary jurisdiction, what law would be applied, or anything. $15k does sound high for a retainer in a divorce case, but it isn't a routine divorce when the parties live in two different countries.
You might try researching law schools in your husband's home state to see if any of them have family law clinics that might be able to help, or contact the bar association and see if you could possibly get pro bono legal assistance. Just a thought--wish I could be of more help.
You might try researching law schools in your husband's home state to see if any of them have family law clinics that might be able to help, or contact the bar association and see if you could possibly get pro bono legal assistance. Just a thought--wish I could be of more help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
So your husband is attempting the "choke" method - it works quite well as often spouses are willing to cave for pennies just to be able to survive.
Here is my suggestion. take inventory of what you own that is saleable. Jewelry? An engagement ring? An extra car? These may be things you are unwilling to part with but they are just things. Do you have equity in your home, can you get a line of credit through a bank using that equity? Apply for a new credit card? What about friends? is there anyone that would be willing to loan you any money - it may not be the way you want to go but.....
I suggest that you do go on welfare. Our court system is not going to think highly of your husband living the high life while his children are on food stamps. Nor will they think highly of the court system in your country mandating monies to be paid to you and ignored by your husband.
I suspect that just the fact that you live in another country is part of the reason why the retainer is so high. The fact that you are strung out by your STBX doesn't negate that its a complicated case and that an attorney does need to be paid. The reason a high retainer may be involved is that non-payment to an attorney in our country does not stop the process - they can't simply say sorry Judge I didn't get paid we need to hold off. If it were me I would want the same. I imagine that you can find a lawyer that will accept a smaller retainer rate considering the amount of money that your husband makes.
I feel certain that considering the length of time you have been married you do have things in your home that can be sold.
Here is my suggestion. take inventory of what you own that is saleable. Jewelry? An engagement ring? An extra car? These may be things you are unwilling to part with but they are just things. Do you have equity in your home, can you get a line of credit through a bank using that equity? Apply for a new credit card? What about friends? is there anyone that would be willing to loan you any money - it may not be the way you want to go but.....
I suggest that you do go on welfare. Our court system is not going to think highly of your husband living the high life while his children are on food stamps. Nor will they think highly of the court system in your country mandating monies to be paid to you and ignored by your husband.
I suspect that just the fact that you live in another country is part of the reason why the retainer is so high. The fact that you are strung out by your STBX doesn't negate that its a complicated case and that an attorney does need to be paid. The reason a high retainer may be involved is that non-payment to an attorney in our country does not stop the process - they can't simply say sorry Judge I didn't get paid we need to hold off. If it were me I would want the same. I imagine that you can find a lawyer that will accept a smaller retainer rate considering the amount of money that your husband makes.
I feel certain that considering the length of time you have been married you do have things in your home that can be sold.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Thanks so much, red atlanta. Unfortunately, here I live in a small apartment with some well used Ikea furniture. All of my belongings are in the U.S., in the house where my husband is living. I simply have nothing here. I essentially asked my mother, but she is acting cery unpleasant about this, and it was the suggestion that I needed her help that sent her telling me to try welfare. I will have to look for social aid. Ultimately, she would lend me the money, but I am so angry inside at her real reluctance to help. Yesterday she took two of the children out and bought them iced tea and she wanted me to reimburse her. When I stay at her house I always have bought most of our food. That's the way she is. And would I ever be able to pay her back?
I just found out that AH changed all of the credit cards, leaving one in my name, and it is maxxed out I will have to make payments or watch my credit die. He wrote that the lawyers were going to tell us to do that but he wanted to get a head start.
Then he called my 16 year old boy and told him some untruths about the money and about his lawyers, the divorce, the house, etc.
For the first time I found myself contemplating suicide. I am so trapped. In the meantime I spent the day in the ER with a severe ear infection. I am afraid the medication isn't working fast enough, my ear has swollen shut, it is now 5am and I can't sleep because of the pain.
My AH is so cruel. And in court last week his voice was so calm. He comes across as such a nice guy, if you discount everything I say, that is. He is enjoying this game of cat and mouse. I want to save myself from being the victim of his cruel pleasure and take the children and flee. But if I did, all would be lost, right?
Sorry for being so down. I thought when they gave me the emergency separation and restraining order that my life would begin to turn around. And it didn't so then I thought the court date would help. But nothing has stopped him. Rather, he's just getting more bold, seeing nothing has happened to him.
When I was in the ER yesterday in the waiting room I started crying. They gave me my own cubicle with a bed and I just weeped and then slept. It's too much for this one person.
I just found out that AH changed all of the credit cards, leaving one in my name, and it is maxxed out I will have to make payments or watch my credit die. He wrote that the lawyers were going to tell us to do that but he wanted to get a head start.
Then he called my 16 year old boy and told him some untruths about the money and about his lawyers, the divorce, the house, etc.
For the first time I found myself contemplating suicide. I am so trapped. In the meantime I spent the day in the ER with a severe ear infection. I am afraid the medication isn't working fast enough, my ear has swollen shut, it is now 5am and I can't sleep because of the pain.
My AH is so cruel. And in court last week his voice was so calm. He comes across as such a nice guy, if you discount everything I say, that is. He is enjoying this game of cat and mouse. I want to save myself from being the victim of his cruel pleasure and take the children and flee. But if I did, all would be lost, right?
Sorry for being so down. I thought when they gave me the emergency separation and restraining order that my life would begin to turn around. And it didn't so then I thought the court date would help. But nothing has stopped him. Rather, he's just getting more bold, seeing nothing has happened to him.
When I was in the ER yesterday in the waiting room I started crying. They gave me my own cubicle with a bed and I just weeped and then slept. It's too much for this one person.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 267
((Pippi)) I went through one extremely messy divorce like that, and I know a bit about how you feel.
I can tell you what I did, although I have no idea if it would work in the area you are.
Get a payday loan if you need to. I know, I know. It is a HORRIBLE idea in general, but if it is truly the only way you can get a lawyer to get your hands on the money you are owed, I would do it, personally. Then pay it off ASAP - get a second job if you must. That is what I had to do. And actually, my second job (freelance writing) worked out very well for me and I am still doing it. There are quite a few things you can even do from home if you have any talents or if you are crafty, like if you enjoy making things.
I also think, despite the complexity of your divorce, that you could find someone cheaper. Keep calling around. Ask if any one them will accept payments - most will.
And you probably do need to get on welfare - as the others said, it will really illustrate to the judge the lengths he is trying to go to to hurt you and the children. Plus, that is what it is there for - people in a pinch who need it.
Do not give up. Your children need you. You will find a way. Please keep us posted.
I can tell you what I did, although I have no idea if it would work in the area you are.
Get a payday loan if you need to. I know, I know. It is a HORRIBLE idea in general, but if it is truly the only way you can get a lawyer to get your hands on the money you are owed, I would do it, personally. Then pay it off ASAP - get a second job if you must. That is what I had to do. And actually, my second job (freelance writing) worked out very well for me and I am still doing it. There are quite a few things you can even do from home if you have any talents or if you are crafty, like if you enjoy making things.
I also think, despite the complexity of your divorce, that you could find someone cheaper. Keep calling around. Ask if any one them will accept payments - most will.
And you probably do need to get on welfare - as the others said, it will really illustrate to the judge the lengths he is trying to go to to hurt you and the children. Plus, that is what it is there for - people in a pinch who need it.
Do not give up. Your children need you. You will find a way. Please keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Pippi, you are a smart woman with a brain.
Get whatever welfare you can get and start researching: online law and family law forums/blogs/info/EVERYTHING for the city, state and country your case will be held in.
You know how he operates. So game on.
Get whatever welfare you can get and start researching: online law and family law forums/blogs/info/EVERYTHING for the city, state and country your case will be held in.
You know how he operates. So game on.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Pippi,
You're a strong woman, but everybody gets worn down at times. You aren't feeling well and that always lowers the "emotional resistance" as well as the physical. Be gentle with yourself.
You WILL come out of this with financial means. You may be in a tough spot right now, but it is temporary. Solutions have a way of turning up. Keep breathing.
Hugs,
You're a strong woman, but everybody gets worn down at times. You aren't feeling well and that always lowers the "emotional resistance" as well as the physical. Be gentle with yourself.
You WILL come out of this with financial means. You may be in a tough spot right now, but it is temporary. Solutions have a way of turning up. Keep breathing.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Pippi, so sorry you are going through this. I suggest you check the online bar asso citation website and search for family law attorneys in the jurisdiction where he filed. Print out thief names and numbers. Call the state bar and find out how to qualify for a free attorney in that state.
Talk to as many attorneys as you can about possible solutions... Perhaps filing for you on an emergency response and motion for immediate financial relief. STRATEGY! Get lots of input... Initial consultations are free.
Trust your HP to give you direction and peace.
We care. Keep posting
Talk to as many attorneys as you can about possible solutions... Perhaps filing for you on an emergency response and motion for immediate financial relief. STRATEGY! Get lots of input... Initial consultations are free.
Trust your HP to give you direction and peace.
We care. Keep posting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Hopeworks 
Pippi, so sorry you are going through this. I suggest you check the online bar asso citation website and search for family law attorneys in the jurisdiction where he filed. Print out thief names and numbers. Call the state bar and find out how to qualify for a free attorney in that state.
Talk to as many attorneys as you can about possible solutions... Perhaps filing for you on an emergency response and motion for immediate financial relief. STRATEGY! Get lots of input... Initial consultations are free.
Trust your HP to give you direction and peace.
We care. Keep posting
Talk to as many attorneys as you can about possible solutions... Perhaps filing for you on an emergency response and motion for immediate financial relief. STRATEGY! Get lots of input... Initial consultations are free.
Trust your HP to give you direction and peace.
We care. Keep posting
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