eastcoastcanuck

I've been a heavy drinker since I was 18. I am 26 now. I do well in school but I dropped my last semester. That in and itself wouldn't be a problem, but I have been letting my father pay my rent and bills under the assumption that I was in school. Now he wants to know why he hasn't gotten a receipt for this semester's tuition. The truth is that I have been drunk the whole time, but I don't know how to tell him that. I actually like my dad, and I do not want our relationship to be ruined over this. I really don't know what to do, I'm terrified. Alcohol has also ruined every other relationship, family or friends or other, and it just needs to stop. But I cant stop. I only feel normal when I drink. I don't know what to do. Anyway I will stop rambling, I just needed to get that off my chest.

PeppyGirl

Even though it is really hard, you need to tell your dad the truth. It will be easier to get a grip on this disease with a support system. Your parents want the best for you. Trust me, I am a mom and if any of my kids were struggling with this terrible disease I pray that they would tell me about it. Hang in there. PG

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR! I agree with telling your dad. For one thing, he's going to find out anyway and it would be better coming from you. My dad was NOT happy to find out I was an addict, but he didn't stop loving me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

DrunkTx

Any way you rationalize this, you have to tell him. Because everybody can think through the obvious side, I won't belabor those points. The part of you that wants to believe you can get away with it, trust me, you can't. It will be next to impossible. First will come the forgeries, then the unposted grades, then the extended time to graduate, then the collapse. From this day forward, the longer you wait to come clean, the absolutely more horrific the consequences become.

There is definitely a bullet to bite or a pill to swallow, but the truth shall set you free. Then ask for help, he's your father. Even if he tries, he can't stop loving you!

least

I agree, come clean with your dad. He's going to find out eventually anyway and it would be better if you told him.

Hevyn

Welcome eastcoastcanuck - great to have you join us. I hope you feel better for saying what's going on with you. Believe me, we all understand.

I agree that dad needs to know asap - you need to unburden yourself. It'll only hurt for a little while, then you can both begin to rise above it and mend. I hope you'll find being here at SR will help you kick alcohol out of your life. We want to help.

AnotherPaul

Glad you're here.

You should give yourself credit for realizing your problem at such a young age. I was 10 years older than you and drinking a liter of vodka a day, which led to be me being about 40 pounds overweight, having high blood pressure, and throwing away a very good job as I circled the drain before I finally got help. I'm sure dropping a semester and having to own up to your dad about this feels like the end of the world, but I promise you, it can and will get much worse if you don't address it now. Get some help from some others who have been there, here and in "real life" as well. You don't have to do it alone. And you've got your whole life in front of you. Make it what you want it to be. It will be hard as hell, but you can do it.

Anna

As others have said, talk to your dad. Let him know what's been going on and that you're looking for support. You can get through this.

Dee74

I agree with the advice here eastcoastcanuck - let it out...dragging our secrets into the light is the first step to dealing with stuff

I felt that way too - but I rediscovered a normal I'd forgotten about
I'm sure you can too - you're not alone - there's a lot of support advice and understanding here

D

eastcoastcanuck

Missing a semester isn't a big deal, and my father has plenty of money so I know that the financial support he has been giving me isn't exactly going to cause him to lose any sleep. The problem is that over the course of four months I have been lying constantly so that I could have extra money for booze. Detailed, well thought-out lies. What I did was really pathetic and I'm not sure if things will ever be the same between my father and I. That's the real problem. I've lost most of my good friends by being a drunk idiot, and now it looks like I could lose my father.

bryangt

Sounds like your father is a key pillar of your support system, don't let that pillar crumble.
IMO I would go to him as humbly and loving as you can. My father was key to me getting sober this time. He didn't quite understand that my problem was as bad as I knew it was, but he accepted it and supported me. After a year sober, my father had a sever stroke and his memory is failing him. I am so grateful he was there when I needed him most. Now it is hard to talk to him as he forgets from one minute to the next. Funny thing was, when I told him I had 2 years sober a while back, he said "so does that mean your done now?...how much longer are you committed to doing this for?"...I told him 'a lifetime'.

Michael66

As with others, I would say you need to tell him. It's going to be better you telling him openly and honestly rather than it coming out any other way. It may be a shock to him for a bit, but getting it out in the open is going to be essential for you both getting through it successfully.

Sounds like you also need some good support for your alcohol problem - have you got something local?

pattyj

I recently had to tell my mom that I had a bad drinking problem. She was the last person on the planet that I wanted to tell. I am the apple of her eye. I hadn't talked to her in a week or so and I sent her a very long email. It started out with 'this is so hard for me to tell you but...' I laid out everything that had happened in the last 6 months. I said how disappointed she must be. Anything and everything, I told her. Within minutes she called me. I couldn't pick up because I was at work. She left me a voicemail saying that I need to get to my doctor asap. I called her back when I could and feel apart on the phone with her. She said that everything would be okay. She came to the doctor's appointment. I was nervous about seeing her but all she wanted was for me to get help. I, too, live in my parent's house that they bought for me, they gave me a car, paid for my Graduate degree and so on. I do have a job but I am also 30, a few years older than you. She helped me and my doctor come up with a plan, has offered to pay for everything. She understands that there can be relapses. She has endless money as well but also knew that there was something going on and was waiting for me to come clean about it. I was scared to death about telling her but we are now closer than we ever could be and she is on my side through this for the good and bad times. Just my story...

Lyingdog

Our parents have been through a lot more than we give them credit for. Your dad will appreciate it if you confide in him. What happens next will only be for your best interest. I don't know you or your dad but he will relate better than you think. He may be mad/disappointed but that if what makes good parents effective... we don't want to let them down. In the end they know their children are not perfect and that this world is hard to live in. Everyone struggles with something that they need help with. Only those of us who reach out for help are successful in overcoming obstacles.
Talk to your dad.... you will not regret it! Good luck!!!