jme2575

Ok so the title should show you the struggle I'm in. My boyfriend of 5 years has been an addict from the time I've know him sometimes recovering and sometimes falling off the wagon. I know him sober and I know him using. I can tell the moment he starts down this path and I'm helpless the more I try to help the more he hides from me. It recently got so bad that I was forced to kick him out of our home. He was stealing from me, from people in the community, his boss, he was begging people for pain pills and then he took the plunge into heroin use. I knew he had been going to another womans house and had straight out asked him if he was having an affair. He lied he was basically selling himself for pills. She would give him pills if he would sleep with her and I am heartbroken over the infedelity as well as the IV use of heroin. I'm so scared that in his fog he used dirty needles, didn't use condoms- he was desperate and sinking fast. He and I hadn't had a sexual relationship in two years so I should not have contracted anything he might have unless you can get it throught an occasional kiss on the lips. I fear for him and myself, he wants to come back but I don't think I can let him. He has hurt me to many times. He has told me he'd stay clean too often and now he says he loves me and that he needs me and he is in treatment at the moment. I have stuck by him so many times in the past 5 years I just don't think he can change. I have talked to his children's mother and this is basically a 20+ year addiction to opiates. I want to do the right thing but I don't know what that is anymore... I am so dependent on him!