soberclover

My uncle who I am close with is dying. He is a recovering alcoholic. So is his brother; my Dad. Life isn't fair at times. My Uncle is young and had been very athletic. He was a healthy eater and followed my Aunt's homeopathic/alternative health mindset. He had an active social life and growing family. I guess you could say that he was doing everything right; but his cancer is killing him. I don't want to drink as it seems like it would be disrespectful to him....and my Dad right now. I am sad and I don't do sad or loss well at all. I came home from work and trying to keep it together.

doggonecarl

I can feel your suffering. You need to be strong. Nobody does sadness and loss well. No one. But not everyone drinks to deal with it. You don't have to either. I can relate.

My closest sister, who's from Burlington, VT by the way, was diagnosed with a life-threatening brain tumor. The stress for her and for me and my other sisters was tremendous. Drinking crossed my mind, a couple times. But if she could deal with her condition and not drink, so could I.

And I didn't. Her operation was Wednesday last week and she came out of it fine, headed back to VT this week. I can celebrate her health and not feel guilty because I drank to cope with the fear of the outcome of her surgery.

Now is the time for you to be there for your Uncle. And sober.

soberlicious

Honor him by not drinking.

Happier

So sorry to read this. You are correct. Life isn't fair at times. Nothing we can do during those times other than go out and face it. It sometimes feels impossible but you can do it. Be there and be sober for yourself and for your family.

least

It's hard losing loved ones. But at least you're not drinking to cope with the stress. Stay sober for your uncle.

trachemys

Instead of drinking, go and hug either or both of them that you can get to. Love them.

I often wish I had done more to love my uncle. He drank himself to death. Literally. I should have done more to help him. He responded every time anyone tried to help him. When left alone, he drank. My inaction still haunts me.

Go, love them.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your pain soberclover - but I think dealing with pain sober is one of the first things most of us have to deal with.

I think you'll be surprised at how strong you really are
Be there for your dad your uncle and your family.

D

Impurrfect

((soberclover)) - I'm so sorry about your uncle, but so very proud of you for not wanting to drink.

I was 8 months, to the day, in recovery when my uncle died of cancer. It had nothing to do with drinking, but still, it was the first time I'd been around those family members since I'd gotten into recovery.

I'd never realized how much they all worried about me. I found out when I saw the gratitude in their faces and actions.

Yes, I could have gotten numb because I lost my uncle. However, I honored his life and what he meant to me (as did the rest of the family) by staying clean. It's almost 6 years later, and I've never regretted it.

Big hugs and prayers to you, as losing someone you love is never easy,

Amy

trikyriky

Saying prayers for you & your uncle. Hang in there.