Newgirl24

Hi. This is my first post. I have been sober for 2 days now. I was just tired of thinking about it honestly. Tired of feeling behind in the mornings because I was starting my day with a hangover or raging headache.

Here's my issue. My husband holds a public position, and I am scared to death to show up at an AA meeting here in town, because I don't want to embarrass him. Do you think it is possible to not drink on one's own, without AA and meetings, say, if I use this forum, and, do you think it is possible to not drink even if your spouse does occasionally? These are the things i am thinking about on day two. I will tell you what. It felt pretty good to wake up this morning with no headache, and with no guilt from something that I said or did when drunk the night before.

Things I'm nervous about:

1. Seeing my parents sober. I'm very close with them. They are drinkers and previously when i have declined wine at dinner, they roll their eyes, and tell me it's okay to have a couple of drinks. I love them to death but they are heavy drinkers. And I am happy for them that they can handle their drinking but I just can't anymore. I have tried to stop a hundred times, but I like to drink to "unwind" or to deal with stress at the end of the day, and so I have never been able to just stop. At one glass or all together. There is always some trigger that makes me go back to it.

2. Telling my husband I am quitting. Do I even need to tell him and make this declaration? I love him but he is a bit of an enabler. I said a couple of nasty things to him the other night over nothing, due to being drunk, and when I told him I didn't think I could drink anymore, he said I was being too hard on myself and that I just need to make sure that I eat when I drink, so I don't get that drunk. That just seems like a lot to remember and manage all for alcohol.

Thank you for all of the posts on this site. It was comforting to read that I am not alone and that everyone has their own challenges with this.

Any thoughts or advice on these things would be very helpful.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR!

Yes, you can stay sober without meetings. Many of us are doing it. AA is a great program that works for lots of people, but it's not the only path to a sober life. You can check out the Secular COnnections forum for more information on other methods.

My wife is a social drinker and it is possible to be around people drinking and not drink.

If YOU think your drinking is a problem then you should tell your husband. Being on the same page will be helpful.

Good luck on this journey!

Anna

Welcome!

I am not an AA person and there are many members here who follow different paths. I have used great books and SR for my recovery for many years.

When I stopped drinking, I did not tell my husband at that time because I had made promises in the past and failed. So, I just did it quietly. It sounds like your husband doesn't understand alcoholism and most people don't unless they experience it. You know you can't drink and that's what matters. Allow your husband to see the positive changes in you.

Newgirl24

What is AVRT? The thing that's helping you stay sober?

whiskeyman

I am an AA guy. but it tried everything.

But what i have learned thru this whole process, is no matter what path you choose, you have to Pick it, commit to it and live it.
and most importantly DO NOT FALTER FROM THAT

sokil

Can't really speak to the AA issue since I've never been, but I would think trying to stop without your husband helping you out would be extremely difficult. I have tried to stop many times while my wife (who does not have a problem at all) would order ONE beer out with friends at dinner or something and I would take that as a signal to join in and try and fit in. While everyone else would stop, I would keep going ordering more and more and eventually end up returning to daily drinking and weekend binging. My wife finally got so sick of my drinking, passing out, throwing up, etc., she herself has sworn off alcohol along with me. I would make your husband aware of your plans that you are taking this seriously and ask for help in not drinking, or else it is unlikely you will be able to stop. Explaining your triggers to him so he can assist you would be a big help.

My family members are also heavy drinkers and it is difficult. To help with explaining yourself to family members I would read up on the health effects of prolonged alcohol use so that you can explain your decision in terms they will be sympathetic to, since I'm sure your health is important to them. For some people, fatty liver syndrome is really not that hard to get if you're drinking alcohol with any regularity. Other things to worry about include increased risks for all types of cancers. Good luck!

Anna

AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique and it's a recovery method.

Newgirl24

I spoke with my husband at dinner, and he said if I wanted to go it wouldn't embarrass him at all. Things are looking up.

DarkDays

Hey I have never been to aa and just over 15 months sober. Mixture of this forum avrt and if I can recommend a book Jason Vale kick the drink easily.

Wish you all the best. Sober is cool.

visch1

Hi Newgirl and welcome to a NEW life called sobriety. I'm a AA thumper as its worked for me for many years and probably has the overall best track record. This forum is VG however the spoken words and emotions are what I needed till this day. I recall all my concern's and problems and was told by the old timers to concentrate on not drinking as my # 1 problem and the rest will be easier to handle. Didn't like that and other things I heard but they were right as I needed to start to repair that matter between the ears first.
HANG ON AND BE WELL

Mark75

Your husband sounds like a pretty awesome guy. All the more reason to stay sober and be all that YOU can be.

Good thoughts coming your way!

MyFitz

I'm 2 months. Never told my wife. She noticed as couple of weeks ago. Mainly because I would binge with clients, rarely at home. I told her I'm just trying to get in shape. This is true, except for the "just".
I realized that I have to do it for myself.
SR is my only support.
Hang in there.

DG0409

My bf still drinks around me and I've quit entirely.

At some point, you make a choice that it is YOUR sobriety and what anybody else does isn't going to touch it. If I say, "I'm not drinking, unless somebody else does" then I am setting myself up for failure. I just decide not to drink and when he has a drink and offers me one and I say no, I feel SO PROUD.

My advice would be to focus on whether or not you drink and not worry about anybody else. You can't control all the alcohol and other people drinking- there will be alcohol at restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations, liquor stores, parties, social gatherings, weddings.... it's all over. So personally, I think you just have to decide how you feel about drinking and then make your own choice.

My house is loaded with alcohol, but when I see it I remind myself why I don't drink. In a way, there is SO much alcohol in my house that every time I see it it just reminds me just how much I was drinking and then I am more glad I'm not. Seeing all that alcohol sober... I can't believe how much I/we went through all the time!

TempeBrenn

Mine is too, and he is a reason for living soberly. I wrote him a letter after my last slip, stating I wouldn't drink for 3 months.....he was glad....until 3 days later I had a glass of wine while we were out. His response: don't tell me about it - I get my hopes up. Just do it, change your behavior without promises to me. So this time, no letters of regret, no promises of abstinence, simply no wine, but a lot of water and tea and reading SR and doing things I have put off, keeping busy, maybe, just maybe, training for Boston next year - having a goal other than finding the best (economical) champagne. Reminding myself of the training for, and then running Boston in 1990 has furthered my resolve to choose sobriety and all the wonderful things it brings... Endorphins like no champagne drunk ever could. But I digress.
You have the strength, you are here. Good luck and God bless. (Oops, am I permitted to say God"