KYGRL

I'm back at day 5 today, which is the longest I've stayed clean in a while now. I'm proud of this achievement, but I'm scared, because of the many times I'm jumped off or ran away at this point (or right before) in the past. I feel like me using again will come any day now, and I'm not sure right now if I got a text that I could turn it down.

Physically I'm not sick, and haven't been. Mentally I'm a mess, and I don't know if that part ever gets any better. I wish there was some way I could ensure that I never did this again. Why does it have to be so hard? I'm dreading work tonight, and I can't help but think how much "better" it would be if I could use before I go. I hate those thoughts.

Anna

You can keep going and it will get better. Good for you for getting 5 days sober. Understandably the mental part is still very hard. It took me a few weeks before I felt like I could manage to get through the day fairly well. The main thing is to stay focused and choose to recover.

ScottFromWI

Your mind is going to keep playing tricks with you for quite some time, that's totally normal. 5 days is a great accomplishment, but your body and mind are still very new to this weird new world of sobriety. What you need is a plan to keep yourself from answering that text or using again, whatever the circumstances might be. Coming here is a good option when you feel an urge. Local support can help too - are you taking advantage of any local support groups? The good news is it will get better - just takes time.

shockozulu

Each day you remain sober you get a little stronger to fight that text. Have you looked into any programs or support to help you remain sober? Posting at SR is a good first step but I needed more.

freshstart57

But you can keep going, you can absolutely keep going. I tried to focus not on 'what if I can't', but instead focus on 'what if I can'? I tried to keep in the forefront the benefits of keeping to my plan. These benefits were not only the end to the bad things that resulted from my addiction, but the beginning of new abilities, new freedom. A fresh start.

neferkamichael

KYGRL, 5 days? You are FANTASTIC. 1006 days here KYGRL. and believe me if I can do it so can you. The awful feelings and the cravings will diminish with time. Rootin for ya.

Mizzuno

It gets better. We need to give it time. You can do this. Feelings are just feelings. Thoughts are thoughts. If I can do this, the person who posted before me and all the others that are doing this. YOU CAN DO IT!!!! I believe in you. Stick with it.

doggonecarl

Addiction uses negative thinking to get you to relapse. You could have relapsed a hundred times before at day 5. That doesn't make it true today! Stay strong. Getting through today will be a milestone and will crush the negative thoughts.