Nonsensical

Not if you're addicted to alcohol.

You did at first, of course, long ago. It was fun. You felt pleasure from it. So, you did it some more. And then some more.

But our brains aren't meant to be in a constant state of pleasure, you might forget to hunt or gather. Our brains evolved to be able to achieve balance. The brain releases stress chemicals to counter an overabundance of happy chemicals.

Now, with an increase of stress chemicals in your brain, you need to drink more to hit your pleasure point. Or, if you don't drink, the stress chemicals cause anxiety or depression.

So you drank more and more often. And your brain continued to adapt, releasing more and more stress chemicals.

Now you can't even get to that point where you feel the pleasure of alcohol. You black out or pass out before you get there. Now you drink solely because if you don't you feel anxious or depressed.

It's the alcohol that put you in this position.

There's a better way. You can find it. There are people here who can help you find your better way. Commit yourself to overcoming this addiction.

You can do this!

MeSoSober

I cannot agree. I absolutely still derive pleasure from it. But I don't stop there. I have no stop button and so I continue until the pleasure dissipates and then, when I finally stop, is replaced with horrible withdrawal symptoms.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy at all anymore. But the enjoyment simply isn't worth the negative consequences.

trachemys

Perfectly described, Nons.

I remember when I used to write, there was a point of perfect clarity in inebriation. Words flowed from my pen like water in a stream. The point was elusive, taking more or less alcohol to arrive. After a while, the words stopped flowing. The alcohol became the focus, not the writing.

ScottFromWI

This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me too. When drinking became a necessity to feel normal vs a way to relax/feel good i knew it was time to do something about it, even though I wasn't drinking to the point of blackout or passing out.

RDBplus3

I went for years absolutely enjoying my drinking (and misc other substances). Then when negative consequences started happening more & more, I progressed to where "the enjoyment simply wasn't worth the negative consequences", just like you described MeSoSober.

Then as my dependence progressed further into addiction, and I sincerely tried to quit again and again, I kept wanting to drink, but it wasn't even enjoyable anymore. Similar to Nonsensical's description. I eventually made an absolute commitment, the AVRT Big Plan, which was more than a commitment, it was an absolute standard I would live and operate by, no matter what thoughts, cravings, etc came across my addiction-corrupted mind.

I drank a couple of times after that 'Commitment', and it was pure living hell. I stood upright, and started my trek back out of Hell, and I am still trekking. I now feel like I am on the 'other side' of the addiction. I can recognize the thoughts, cravings, etc and dismiss them, KNOWING full well where they will lead. Plus I am now ENJOYING my Sobriety. I have choices now that I did not have when I was always 'wanting' to drink. I can see now that the perceived 'pleasure' was very limiting, because it relegated me to being a DRUNK.

Thanks for the post, Nonsensical

hopebutterfly

Thanks for sharing some of you story! I can relate.
Yeah, I used to drink even when I was sick. I've been wanting to understand the AVRT stuff. I am taking what ever tools feel right to me. right now what keeps me form drinking is that I know I have the power to choose, I do, I either drink or I do another activity, the choice is mine. For me, I am not powerless, I have the power to choose every moment. Although I understand how people can feel powerless. I guess it's about us finding what makes sense for us. Not everyone is the same

freshstart57

HopeButterfly, for an intro to AVRT, take a look at http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html. It is one person's attempt to describe an understanding of AVRT, and it may help you in some way.

The most important part of this whole getting sober business is believing that you deserve to have a life without addiction, that it is within your power to do so, and that YOU SHALL DO IT! That's my point of view, anyway.

hopebutterfly

Thanks for the resource!

Chuck48

I agree. At the end, I was purchasing alcohol, even though I truly did not want it. I'd come home, put the bottle on the counter, and look at it with distaste. (Sometimes I'd almost feel like crying while looking at it.) At some point, I'd have to force myself to pour a shot. Of course, it never stopped at a single drink, and I'd regret it all the next day.

I can honestly say that I don't like drinking. Never did it during college or early adulthood because I hated it so much...