Request for information: Al Anon vs. Nar-Anon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Columbus
Posts: 13
Request for information: Al Anon vs. Nar-Anon
Hi! I've been spending a lot of time reading the posts on this forum and while I always knew that there were many others out there dealing with the same issues I am, it's comforting to be able to read the real stories of others and to see that it is possible to overcome co-dependency. It helps to stay positive and believe that the challenges I'm being faced with now will result in me becoming a stronger person in the end.
Just a bit of background: I'm married to a recovering opiate addict. He hid his addiction from me for most of our relationship and we were already married when he finally confessed. He had tried to quit several times on his own and failed, and had already made arrangements to enter rehab before telling me. I put him on a strict vitamin/supplement regimen, which dramatically helped his withdrawal symptoms, and he was doing very well. A few days short of a year clean however, he relapsed, which I hear is fairly common. His success went to his head, as he explained later, and he got to thinking he didn't need all the vitamins and meetings anymore. He also continued to exhibit many of the negative personality traits associated with addiction. Some major life changes triggered a stress response that he did not know how to cope with, mainly losing his job due to circumstances that really were beyond his control. I admit that I bailed him out of trouble when I probably shouldn't have, but (no excuse, I know) I really felt that his life was in danger and couldn't bring myself to leave him to the wolves. I did not see it coming at all and was taken completely my surprise, and I also had never gotten involved with any kind of support group that might have been able to prepare me for just such an event.
Since then I've set clear boundaries. While I'm willing to stay with him and support him in recovery, I absolutely will not provide any support as far as getting him out of anymore trouble his addiction leads him into. I also expect that he seriously work on self improvement outside of just staying clean. If things keep going as they were, then I can't stay with him, as painful as it would be to leave. I love him, but the disease has made him impossible to trust and respect. I also cannot expect to spend my life with a person who will react to any major stressor by running off and causing more problems. He is focusing on his recovery now and is trying very hard as far as I can tell- it's tempting for me to tell him everything he should and shouldn't be doing, but I've been reading Codependent No More and understand now that it's his journey and that he's responsible for his own recovery. I'm responsible for mine, and that's what I've been trying to focus my energy on.
I'd love to start attending support groups regularly, but my work schedule often makes it difficult for me to attend Nar Anon meetings (they're only two days a week here). Would Al Anon meetings be similar enough? There are plenty of those to go to. This is a really silly question probably, but I still wanted to ask before trying to attend one.
In the meantime, I'll keep reading and seeking wisdom from others here.
Just a bit of background: I'm married to a recovering opiate addict. He hid his addiction from me for most of our relationship and we were already married when he finally confessed. He had tried to quit several times on his own and failed, and had already made arrangements to enter rehab before telling me. I put him on a strict vitamin/supplement regimen, which dramatically helped his withdrawal symptoms, and he was doing very well. A few days short of a year clean however, he relapsed, which I hear is fairly common. His success went to his head, as he explained later, and he got to thinking he didn't need all the vitamins and meetings anymore. He also continued to exhibit many of the negative personality traits associated with addiction. Some major life changes triggered a stress response that he did not know how to cope with, mainly losing his job due to circumstances that really were beyond his control. I admit that I bailed him out of trouble when I probably shouldn't have, but (no excuse, I know) I really felt that his life was in danger and couldn't bring myself to leave him to the wolves. I did not see it coming at all and was taken completely my surprise, and I also had never gotten involved with any kind of support group that might have been able to prepare me for just such an event.
Since then I've set clear boundaries. While I'm willing to stay with him and support him in recovery, I absolutely will not provide any support as far as getting him out of anymore trouble his addiction leads him into. I also expect that he seriously work on self improvement outside of just staying clean. If things keep going as they were, then I can't stay with him, as painful as it would be to leave. I love him, but the disease has made him impossible to trust and respect. I also cannot expect to spend my life with a person who will react to any major stressor by running off and causing more problems. He is focusing on his recovery now and is trying very hard as far as I can tell- it's tempting for me to tell him everything he should and shouldn't be doing, but I've been reading Codependent No More and understand now that it's his journey and that he's responsible for his own recovery. I'm responsible for mine, and that's what I've been trying to focus my energy on.
I'd love to start attending support groups regularly, but my work schedule often makes it difficult for me to attend Nar Anon meetings (they're only two days a week here). Would Al Anon meetings be similar enough? There are plenty of those to go to. This is a really silly question probably, but I still wanted to ask before trying to attend one.
In the meantime, I'll keep reading and seeking wisdom from others here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
My ex is a heroin addict.
I attend Alanon meetings and it works great for me.
I only ever attended one Naranon meeting, the main reason I didn't go back was that
I didn't have childcare (there is childcare where I go to Alanon meetings) but I didn't
have the impression that it would be better than Alanon. Someday I might try another
Naranon meeting if I can but Alanon works great for me.
I also enjoy reading the Alanon literature (I don't think there is much Naranon
literature).
Every single Alanon group is different. In some you are not supposed to ever make
allusion to drugs. Try an Alanon meeting if the timing is better. if you don't like it try
another location.
I attend Alanon meetings and it works great for me.
I only ever attended one Naranon meeting, the main reason I didn't go back was that
I didn't have childcare (there is childcare where I go to Alanon meetings) but I didn't
have the impression that it would be better than Alanon. Someday I might try another
Naranon meeting if I can but Alanon works great for me.
I also enjoy reading the Alanon literature (I don't think there is much Naranon
literature).
Every single Alanon group is different. In some you are not supposed to ever make
allusion to drugs. Try an Alanon meeting if the timing is better. if you don't like it try
another location.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I believe you are a wise lady. You are aware of the situation of your relationship, you acknowledge where your responsibilities lay, and you acknowledge where your responsibilities end. Good on you.
I have attended Al anon meetings for several years. My qualifiers are alcoholic loved ones. I attended meetings in two different communities that were small populations. Those communities did not have Nar anon meetings. The Alanon meetings were mixed with Friends & Family members of alcoholics and substance abusers. It worked out fine. We all have similar experiences, and we all benefited from the sharing and support.
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and sharing as often as needed. We care about you!
I believe you are a wise lady. You are aware of the situation of your relationship, you acknowledge where your responsibilities lay, and you acknowledge where your responsibilities end. Good on you.
I have attended Al anon meetings for several years. My qualifiers are alcoholic loved ones. I attended meetings in two different communities that were small populations. Those communities did not have Nar anon meetings. The Alanon meetings were mixed with Friends & Family members of alcoholics and substance abusers. It worked out fine. We all have similar experiences, and we all benefited from the sharing and support.
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and sharing as often as needed. We care about you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
The Al Anon meetings I go to have mixed people in them -- people dealing with alcoholics and some dealing with addicts.
I've been to like 15 different locations for Al Anon meetings and I've never attended one that said not to mention drugs. (And that's the reason I'm there - because of my husband's drug use.)
I haven't been to a Nar Anon meeting so I can't speak to that, but I really love the Al Anon meetings and go to one nearly every day. Hope you can get to an Al Anon meeting soon! And then if there are more than one in your area, check out those too so you can see which groups you resonate with...or you can just go to all of them on different days and surround yourself with tons of support! That's what I do. : )
I've been to like 15 different locations for Al Anon meetings and I've never attended one that said not to mention drugs. (And that's the reason I'm there - because of my husband's drug use.)
I haven't been to a Nar Anon meeting so I can't speak to that, but I really love the Al Anon meetings and go to one nearly every day. Hope you can get to an Al Anon meeting soon! And then if there are more than one in your area, check out those too so you can see which groups you resonate with...or you can just go to all of them on different days and surround yourself with tons of support! That's what I do. : )
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I've been to both....although my home group is Nar-Anon. I did a step study with a group of ladies who were all Al-Anon members. That study group is what really really helped me. We took 18 months of weekly meetings, homework, and self study to get through the 12 steps. It was life altering.
Nar-Anon vs Al-Anon. Either way....you'll get out of it what you put into it.
(Note....some Al-Anon meetings get a little prickly if you mention that your loved one is a drug addict so you can refer to them as your "qualifier" and avoid the nonsense. The steps are essentially the same, the processes are essentially the same....the nice thing about Nar-Anon is that you are with others who understand the fears associated with OD and the illegal aspect of drugs. Other than that, either meetings will work if you work it.)
gentle hugs
ke
Nar-Anon vs Al-Anon. Either way....you'll get out of it what you put into it.
(Note....some Al-Anon meetings get a little prickly if you mention that your loved one is a drug addict so you can refer to them as your "qualifier" and avoid the nonsense. The steps are essentially the same, the processes are essentially the same....the nice thing about Nar-Anon is that you are with others who understand the fears associated with OD and the illegal aspect of drugs. Other than that, either meetings will work if you work it.)
gentle hugs
ke
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
I think it depends on your area. NarAnon doesn't have a foot hold here because Al-Anon has always welcomed the family of the addict. We are a medium sized community (100,000) but with this inclusiveness we all feel welcome to talk about our situation whether its drugs or alcohol. We are there to focus on ourselves anyway.
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