Sick of feeling this way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pleasanton,CA
Posts: 22
Sick of feeling this way
It literally feels like im just dragging on day after day... I feel depressed. I don't feel like me anymore.... Ive lost myself. I just want to feel normal again. I hate that I think about him every single second of every single day since hes been gone... I should hate him and despise him. BUT I LOVE HIM. Its like I feel completely empty inside... and all I want to do is cry. I want to be happy... I want to be me again.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd suggest that you find some way to get to Al-Anon. You said you have a busy schedule, but this recovery stuff is important. If you want to feel different, you need to make an investment in it. Think of all the time and energy you spent living with an alcoholic. Aren't you worth at least as much time and trouble?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you are feeling so down.
Ending my relationship to my alcoholic triggered my grief process. I reacted to the loss of the relationship as I did when my mother passed away. I went through all the stages of grief. I learned about the stages in reading "Codependent No More".
I got some good advice from a social worker about the stages of my grief: She advised me to seek professional help if I got stuck in any one of the stages.
I remember laughing through my tears at that suggestion and saying: "Yes, I certainly don't want to get stuck in my depression when I have the angry stage to look forward to!"
It is sound advise. I monitored my stages so I could be aware of how long I was spending in each stage of the process.
I hope you will reach out for professional help if you feel you are stuck in the depression stage of grief.
Ending my relationship to my alcoholic triggered my grief process. I reacted to the loss of the relationship as I did when my mother passed away. I went through all the stages of grief. I learned about the stages in reading "Codependent No More".
I got some good advice from a social worker about the stages of my grief: She advised me to seek professional help if I got stuck in any one of the stages.
I remember laughing through my tears at that suggestion and saying: "Yes, I certainly don't want to get stuck in my depression when I have the angry stage to look forward to!"
It is sound advise. I monitored my stages so I could be aware of how long I was spending in each stage of the process.
I hope you will reach out for professional help if you feel you are stuck in the depression stage of grief.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 102
Angelbaby -
You have described how I feel exactly, and have felt for some time, and I am still in my marriage! I think you need to consider the possibility that you are not missing him specifically, but missing having a partner, someone to share your life with.
I certainly can tell you that is what I miss. I may still have a marriage, but it is a far cry from what I thought I had, what I wish I had. I wonder if I can ever get it back, or if I ever had it in the first place. Be careful!!!
You have described how I feel exactly, and have felt for some time, and I am still in my marriage! I think you need to consider the possibility that you are not missing him specifically, but missing having a partner, someone to share your life with.
I certainly can tell you that is what I miss. I may still have a marriage, but it is a far cry from what I thought I had, what I wish I had. I wonder if I can ever get it back, or if I ever had it in the first place. Be careful!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
I was there too, now I'm just pretty p'd off. It's true you have to DO something. You can't just sit back and hope you feel better, because ruts are hard to get out of, with emotions as well as cars.. 
Some ideas are: Dive into recovery, go somewhere new, buy new clothes, work out, make an effort to socialize, do volunteer work, take a class, start a new hobby. In short, nurture yourself and do something new to change your perspective. What helped me the most through my horrible sadness was SR, exercise, and a great new volunteer job.
I know that it is hard to do anything when you are depressed because your energy is so depleted, but please try to force yourself. I know you will get through this like so many of us have. I can't say I'm never sad anymore, but I can say that I never ever think my XA will fix my sadness.
We are here for you!
Some ideas are: Dive into recovery, go somewhere new, buy new clothes, work out, make an effort to socialize, do volunteer work, take a class, start a new hobby. In short, nurture yourself and do something new to change your perspective. What helped me the most through my horrible sadness was SR, exercise, and a great new volunteer job.
I know that it is hard to do anything when you are depressed because your energy is so depleted, but please try to force yourself. I know you will get through this like so many of us have. I can't say I'm never sad anymore, but I can say that I never ever think my XA will fix my sadness.
We are here for you!
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
i could have wrote this.
Gave ah space to get his head straight and normally (usually) im pretty level headed.
then it was like a wave of emotions just hitting me one after the next and they went back and forth from saddness to anger.
i couldnt tell you how i feel now...still working through things but i can say that this is NOT ok. no person should make you hurt like this and if your feeling lost and sad the best thing for you is to work through those feelings in the best way YOU can and its ok....your not going to feel better in a day.
Gave ah space to get his head straight and normally (usually) im pretty level headed.
then it was like a wave of emotions just hitting me one after the next and they went back and forth from saddness to anger.
i couldnt tell you how i feel now...still working through things but i can say that this is NOT ok. no person should make you hurt like this and if your feeling lost and sad the best thing for you is to work through those feelings in the best way YOU can and its ok....your not going to feel better in a day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Wait. Let me clarify. You feel seriously depressed in this relationship, you don't like yourself anymore, you feel lost, yet you LOVE him? Why?!
What do you love? Why would you think love has to make you feel this way?
Could it be that what you feel may be something different, like fear of change or nostalgia for the dream you thought you were going to have?
What do you love? Why would you think love has to make you feel this way?
Could it be that what you feel may be something different, like fear of change or nostalgia for the dream you thought you were going to have?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 458
Agelbaby- you are not alone. I feel the same way. Very empty. Trudging on day to day, empty feeling inside. I've been trying so much- gym, Alanon, reaching out to friends, throwing myself into work, taking on home projects, keeping busy with hobbies, drinking, abstaining from drinking, eating, not eating, etc. The underlying empty feeling is still there. I do know that time heals. (Yes, I know that some of the things I have been doing are not healthy)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
