Kwena

Hello Forum,

I am here because I am at the end of my rope and I know something has to change, and that thing is me, I cannot keep going like this and expect a happy ending, alcohol has never brought anything positive in my life, and yet, I keep returning to it, I drink to have fun, I drink to feel normal, I drink to forget, and I don't have a limit.

Am surprised that my boyfriend has put up with it for so long, he is so worried about me and can't stand it when I'm drunk, he even said am such a great person, why do you do this to yourself?

and I try not to have friends because I don't want anyone to know about my problem......I have given up twice before and only lasted 6 months each time, it's like I am afraid to be the real me......I want respect and yet, I have so little respect for myself....I keep thinking, I managed to give up smoking nearly 2 years ago why can't I shake off this habit...

the other night I went out after heavily drinking, and have no idea how I made it home safely....sorry if I'm babbling. am just so confused and despite all this, Im still thinking of alcohol now, which is just insane.

guiltyparty

My wife also put up with me for quite some time. She packed her bags and left this morning.

And I've lost track how many times I've had to run out in the morning to see if I'd driven my care home without damaging it. It's a nauseating feeling.

trachemys

Welcome to the lifeboat. 24/7/365 support here.

visch1

Hi and welcome. Your among people who understand you. Alcohol, for some of us was a friend that has turned us into individuals we never intended to be. My response to quitting it after trying my way never worked, IS AA. It starts with NOT picking up the first drink. Simple but not easy. You perhaps hear/try other methods and they MAY work for a time for you. I go to noon meetings and often there are 7-10 of us with over 30 years of continued sobriety. BE WELL

Anna

This was just how I felt. I was so afraid to find the real 'me' because, of course, she would have so many faults. And, yes, I do have many faults, but I also have a lot of good points about myself. In order to be able to see the good side of myself, I had to also see the negatives. You've been sober for 6 months at a time which is great, so you know you can do this. Maybe when you were sober, you were still afraid to dig deep and find the beautiful 'you' underneath it all?

Kwena

@guiltyparty, am sorry to hear that, is there any chance you and your wife can patch things up? or is it truly the point of no return?
yes am tired of waking up in the morning with a sense of dread and thinking, I wonder if I need to apologise to anyone...or who did I talk to, what did I say, or that sigh of relief when I wake up in familiar surroundings the morning after......this is not the way to live.

@Anna, it's odd, am not very comfortable in my own skin, I self sabotage, it's like when there is stability in my life, I reject it and taint any success I could have by binge drinking and making myself repulsive to others. My bf is not an alcoholic but he likes to go out and drink and party, I like to go out but I get so bored if am not losing myself in drink, sounds incredibly sad but it's a sad truth, the only time I am happy amd don't need any alcohol is when am with my family who live far away

Kwena

thanks all for the welcome and words of encouragement

guiltyparty

I believe I may have one last chance, but I need to change fast and prove it to her soon that I will make a REAL attempt to change.

Today is my first day on this forum, first day sober in like 20 years, and tomorrow I visit AA. I cannot afford to lose anymore than I already have!

And Kwena, I wish you the best of luck also.

I must now go to bed. Big day ahead of me tomorrow!

Kwena

@guiltyparty, thank you and all the best to you too.

guiltyparty

You still have everything intact, somewhat... Don't let yourself slide any more.