ChivonYvette

So its almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm still awake why you ask???? Because whenever my husband drinks too much it changes the way he sleeps! Weird right??? I know! I have to worry about being kicked, or slapped. He put his feet, legs, arms and head on me like I magically turned into part of the bed for him to sleep on. Meanwhile he sleeps soundly. I am beyond pissed off! It may seem petty but nights like this make me want to seriously hurt him. I can't escape his addiction even when he's asleep!!!

DreamsofSerenity

I feel for you. Sleeping with someone who is drunk is the worst!!! The smell of him literally nauseated me, and the snoring made me want to smother him with a pillow....Can you go to a guest room or the sofa? Having another place you can go when he's drunk, and setting a boundary for yourself that you won't sleep with him if he is drunk, might be a good way for you to preserve your sanity. I have found that I can cope with practically anything if I'm well rested, and almost nothing if I'm not.... You deserve a good night of sleep!

ChivonYvette

I'm thinking about buying an air mattress. I just hate that I'm sooo angry. I hate that everything that goes wrong is my fault. I'm supposed to be perfect in all my ways, meanwhile he can be a mean, belligerent, a**hole cuz he's "sick"

kasie

Hi ChivonYvette,

Go out and buy the air mattress. You shouldn't have to, but sleeping with an A is gross.

I get the 'it's all my fault thing'. As are master manipulators, blame shifters and quite frankly, lack the brain cells/intelligence/insight to see the forest through the trees. What's more important to remember is the 3 Cs:
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CONTROL it
You can't CURE it

Deep breath in. Take one day (goodness, one minute!) at a time. We've been there and know exactly how infuriating this disease is.

Sending hugs and strength. Remember how special, valuable and amazing you are xxx

BoxinRotz

OOOOO! I know how you feel! My AH had been on a 2 week bender and is almost done detoxing. I am so tired, I remember all the crap he put me through but I can't put it in sequential order because my mind is warped because of HIM! It makes me so mad!!

My off days were Wed n Thurs. and they were spent with that drunken fool harrassing me all friggen night while I tried to sleep! At 4am I told him if he didn't STFU n leave me alone he'd spend the night in the drunk tank! I called the cops and they made me leave so I didn't get any sleep! I've only slept 4 hours a night since all this BS because now I'm back to work and I just had my schedule changed from 12 hour shifts to 16 hour shifts! UGH On top of that, he has our house trashed!

I just want to sleep! And our bedroom smells like a nasty assed locker room! I can't do anything until Thursday because I'll be dog tired coming off a midnight Wednesday morning and he has a counseling appt Wednesday and I have to be back at work for a 16 on Friday at 3pm. I swear, he has turned our life upside down and he has my stomach in a knot!

BoxinRotz

I went through this very thing a few days ago. Him deflecting the blame and putting a bunch of BS on me! He saw me smoking a cig and asked me if that was a smoke and I said yes. He said, You are such a liar! I can't trust you!!! You have ruined our marriage! How long would it have taken you to tell me you were smoking?!!! I don't think I can be with you!

Excuse me while I go LMFAO. Idiot!

kasie

I agree, it's total crap.

My exABF used to insist on having his laptop, radio and TV on 'to settle him to sleep'. Like he needed it. He was usually comatosed within like 5 minutes of hitting the pillow. Nevertheless, he'd always wake up when I went to turn things off, so I'd have to sleep with all these lights and buzzing electrical appliances on all night.

Other thing that was horrible - all the skunked empty wine an beer bottles hidden under the bed. He was too embarrassed to put them in the trash 'because the neighbours might see'. Totally gross.

You need to look after you my dear. If all else fails, check into a hotel for the night. Might be a small price to pay for your sanity.

BoxinRotz

My AH would sleep with the door closed when I was at work all night and I'd come in and open it in the morning... WHEW! I told him, I know you are drinking because I could smell putrid vodka opening the door. So what does he do? Sleeps with the door open because he thinks I'm an idiot!

*puts finger up to the sun... I can't seeeeeeeee iiiitttttttt!*

DreamsofSerenity

You shouldn't have to get the air mattress, HE should have to get it and sleep on it, but at the same time, you need to be realistic about where you are with everything right now. If you can't make him leave the bed yet, IMO you need to, because you will not get stronger and healthier without sleep. I realize it might make you angry to have to blow up the air mattress and move just because of HIS disease, but it has to be better than lying there next to him seething all night.

I feel for you, sweetie. Make yourself a nice little nest away from his disease. Cuddle up in it and protect yourself. I love the hotel idea too but that could get pricey depending on how often he is pulling this crap.

Hugs

Hanna

Nothing makes me angrier than someone disrupting my sleep.

ChivonYvette

Thank you all for your comments. I'm being very realistic about where I am right now. The truth of the matter is if I suggest him sleeping on the air mattress it will start a huuuuge fight. Honestly at this point I would sleep on the floor if it meant I could get some rest. Its a shame how many liquor bottles there are in my bedroom. Now its getting worse because he's mixing dark and white liquors... Next Saturday is the celebration of his 30th birthday and I'm on the fence about going. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place because if I go I'm going to have to watch him get plastered and deal with the ratchetness of his behavior when we get home. If I don't go all hell is gonna break loose when he gets home! So confuse....

DreamsofSerenity

I realize this isn't healthy at all but I'd probably fake sick. That way I'd avoid seeing him wasted, and avoid a fight. Maybe something important could come up with someone in your family, or a friend?? Or you could go with him and leave as soon as he's trashed. He probably wouldn't even notice you missing. Seriously, I don't know; that's a really hard one.

Sungrl

Hi Yvonne, you say there are all kinds of empty liquor bottles in YOUR bedroom. What is the living situation? Do you live together, who all is on the lease or mortgage? That sounds like an awful situation to be in. Maybe one you can start to fix?? Not him I mean, just your current living situation.

ChivonYvette

DOS faking sick doesn't sound like a bad idea Lol! And as far as something happening to someone in my family I doubt if he'd actually care because its his big 3-0.I wish I could leave early but everyone who's going is going in the same vehicle. I shouldn't even have to be making this kind of decision. I should only be deciding what to wear.... this is too much

jmartin

There is NOTHING petty about your feelings with this. It is one of the most aggravating and annoying things about living with an alcoholic. There is a reason the CIA uses sleep deprivation in their "non-torture" interrogation techniques, it very quickly gets to the subject. And, there is nothing like the smell, either. It is simply no way to live.

This very thing is what finally drove me to initiate serious changes with my AW. I kicked her out and into the guest room indefinitely. She complied, but if she had refused, I would have made the move myself. She is now in rehab - but it was a failed night's sleep that finally broke this camel's back.

Take heart, you are not over-reacting. It is a call to action!

Hanna

Can you move out?
Seriously- sleeping is a necessity, like breathing air, drinking fluids. If you couldn't breathe living in the same place with him, would you leave?

marie1960

Chivon,

A quick Google search shows over 1,300 combined AA and Al Anon weekly meetings in the Metro Detroit area. I hope you can find a meeting in your area. Public transportation does run throughout the city on a daily basis.

Perhaps, contacting local hospitals, churches, the Salvation Army, will be able to assist you in finding a meeting in close proximity to where you are living.

I really believe you could benefit from some face to face support.

I feel for you, but if you want change, you are going to have to reach out for help. You do not have to go this alone. And as always, we will be here too.

ChivonYvette

[SIZE="4"]I appreciate all the comments. I am to the point where he almost disgusts me. To see someone drunk all the time is sickening, and then to have to smell it on their breath its like eeewwww. As far as my living situation we live with my MIL and are confined to our bedroom sooo for now I just have to deal with it and it sucks. I feel so smothered by his addiction and the only way to escape is when hes not around which sucks sometimes. I'm always alone because he's always at work, over over his brothers house. He says that he always goes over there because of the social atmosphere bullsh*t hes there because he can drink and not be jugded, get evil looks, and ect... He strolls in super late and then gets angry with me because I'm angry that he doesn't see how disrespectful that is, and how worried I get because I know for a 100% fact that he's been drinking. As far as moving at this moment I would have to say no, because in a weird way I feel responsible for him. No one in his family tells him he has a problem, so I feel that if I leave at this moment anything could happen to him. I know I have to detach but I just haven't just yet. [SIZE]

ChivonYvette

I keep looking, but i will continue to do so because I do need face to face interaction. I love it here but its hard to keep going without having someone to speak to verbally.

marie1960

YOU are holding yourself hostage here.

Please, Please, understand YOU are not responsible for him. For God's sake, he is a grown adult man. He can care for himself. It's his life and his choice. And if he wants to drink every stinking day of his life, he CAN.

You cannot help or fix him. YOU simply are NOT that powerful. The disease will win every stinking time. Let go of the notion, that you, or your love for him will save him.

I understand you are in a bad place right now. But only YOU can help YOU. In gentleness I say, take off those rose colored glasses and throw them in the trash. They are blinding you, my friend.