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Loaded again

Old 04-14-2013, 06:05 PM
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Loaded again

Hello folks. I am new to the site here, but not to addiction or to recovery. I was doing great as long as I was in my program which kept close watch on me and I had surprise pee tests, then when I got out of my program I found myself drinking a beer, still happy to be "free from addiction"......pretty soon my addict mind kicked in and I found myself loaded again.....off and on for a year and half now. Today my husband discovered what was going on and needless to say he is furious. As he has every right to be. I am lost again. I know what I need to do, but getting my butt out of my stink is the hard part. I know I need to go to meeting and get connected again, which is why I am looking here. My loathing, self-misery, hatred of myself, disgust and disgrace keep me in my funk!
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:11 PM
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There should be no self-misery. Falling off the wagon is just one more step to recovery. Hold your head up! I promise you are worth the work!
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:16 PM
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Thanks so much! That literally brought tears to my eyes. I just keep kicking myself.....I don't know how I got here again
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:19 PM
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Welcome notachoice! I agree - no self-loathing allowed. It gets us nowhere. I had to stop the remorse and guilt because it led me back to drinking every time.

It sounds like you're ready to get back on track - and this is a great place to begin your journey. We all understand what you're going through. Keep posting and reading here - we care about you.
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:27 PM
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Thanks, I feel rejuvenated as I did when I left a meeting. Tomorrow is a new day and I shall overcome this mess.
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Old 04-14-2013, 07:06 PM
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welcome to SR notachoice

D
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