NotSoIvory

I have compiled a list of symptoms that are attributed to my drinking to remind myself why I will not pick up another drink again. (Seriously, I must be completely nuts for continuing to drink while knowing this. This does not paint a pretty picture) This is day 2 of my sobriety. I am sure there is more to add, but here it goes:

Physical:
Headaches (complex migraine episodes)
Hair thinning
(Clearly not processing vitamins like I should)
Suspect mild alcoholic neropathy
Insomnia
Hangovers (bed like a torture chamber)
Lungs hurt from chain smoking while I drink
Cardio health/shortness of breath
High blood pressure/heart flutters
Pinching feeling in cheeks/feverish feeling
Redness in face
Premature aging symptoms in face
Weight gain/drunken binge eating after I drink from not eating all day (now 35 lbs overweight)
Bloodshot eyes/puffy eyes
Dehydration
Bruises/random injuries
Nausea/painful stomach

Mental:
Lack of clarity/haziness
Depression
Suicidal thoughts on occasion while drunk
Anxiety
Memory loss
Excessive anger
Lack of control over thoughts and feelings
Pain and self hatred surrounding episodes of drinking

Conduct:
Mean/Snide/Inconsiderate
Miss Work/Late for work
Confusion at work
Non-productive at home or in my life
Crying
Babbling on in an unflattering manner (about my problems, being over-opinionated for example)
Over-sensitive/taking things personally
Passing out
Impulsive/erratic, unpredictable behavior
Blaming others
Wasting too much money (habit is costly!)
Forgoing other necessities, like food
Broken, hurtful relationships
(pretty sure my husband will leave me if things continue this way)
Embarassing self
Endangering self

EndStage

Welcome and Congrats on day two. Not a pretty picture at all. I made a Gratitude list to keep me on the up and up. Never thought about making a list of reasons to stop. Thank you for the inspiration.

Sillyboy

Great Post NotSo, I (and many others)can relate to everyone of them. It's crazy what we put ourselves through for this addiction. NEVER AGAIN

Hevyn

What a horribly accurate list, NotSo. Well done and dead on.

deeker

Great list and to think that some people think that putting down the drink is gonna cure all this. A lot of these behaviors were there before I drank, not just a result of drinking. That's why I work the 12 steps. The drink was just a symptom of my illness.

Over-sensitive/taking things personally
Lack of clarity
Depression
Anxiety
Excessive anger
Lack of control over thoughts and feelings
Pain and self hatred
Impulsive/erratic, unpredictable behavior
Blaming others
Wasting too much money (habit is costly!)
Babbling on in an unflattering manner (about my problems, being over-opinionated for example)

I will add to that:
Being selfish and self centered to the extreme.

I believe it's why people have a hard time staying sober. It's why I had a hard time staying sober for 37 years. Because if I don't address these underlying issues they are going to drive me back to drinking. I finally found a program that addresses those underlying issues. Finally!

1newcreation

Thx deeker! didn't know what words to use but u did

ML78

I had most of those as well. my motivation grew after i withdrew and realized im now actually living, before i had a pathetic existence. how i feel, act and what i do is like im a different person.

1newcreation

Dear notsoivory,
Wow is I guess the only thing I can say; I haven't been in your situation per se but getting recovery is going to take some work..correction a lot of work(not putting you down). Look @ what you have to live for: your other half, kids, career etc
I 2nd what endstage said coz when I feel as if I'm in a dark hole w/o anyway of getting out & no matter what I do nthg changes, I pull out 5 things from memory that I'm thankful for. Even if its just lip service @ 1st it doesn't matter coz the feelings will follow in time.
1 thing I cannot impress upon you more is to STOP living by your feelings. You might as well forget sobriety if not. I lived that way for a looong time until I got a hold of this beautiful & wonderful program called aa & said if this is the last thing that I ever do correctly for the first time, then let it be. So far so good(beyond good) & no regrets. I can't regret the past nor shut the door on it otherwise I wouldn't be writing to you so you can see there's a better way to live
C'mon girl! Let's trudge this road of happy destiny together(pg164 big bk)

NotSoIvory

This is good food for thought, deeker. While I believe that some of these I do exclusively while I'm drunk, like babbling for example, there are definitely things there that linger and are underlying and are just *majorly* amplified by the alcohol, like depression. Right now I am working on exploring these things a little more deeply, as I am starting to explore step 4 a little bit. I do not want to go back this time.

NotSoIvory

Thank you, NewCreation. Thanks for the tips. I wish I knew how to stop living by my emotions. I will be going to a meeting tomorrow and looking for a sponsor there. I am amazingly shy without alcohol and a bit afraid to speak up, and I have been pondering over the reasons I failed before. I want to be sure to do something different this time and explore my avenues. I intend to force myself to at least speak up if not only to say "Here I am!" this time.

SoberD

Hi Ivory, thanks for sharing your list - it bears many similarities to my Why to Quit List - keep up the good work!

WHY TO QUIT – DAY 1: March 5, 2013

• A major life decision and turning point in life - do this when you are young and before it is too late – you have had more than enough of it and aren’t missing anything – sobriety is your priority
• Alcohol affects you differently – you will never be able to drink “socially” and what would be the point of having 1 or 2 drinks anyway – the point was always to get drunk – don’t try to convince yourself otherwise – you are in the minority with the addiction
• The negatives now outweigh the positives – it’s just not that fun anymore – it will never feel the same (as the early years) and will only progressively get worse – you don’t get a fresh start after a “break”
• Feelings of misery, depression, guilt, shame, anxiety – they will continue to haunt you if you continue to drink – drinking is the cause, not the symptom or cure
• Isolation/Loneliness – sitting at home getting drunk by myself – it’s ugly and pathetic – there are plenty of productive ways to relax
• Dangerous activities (e.g. drunk driving, unprotected sex, etc.) – you are jeopardizing your future – eventually you will hurt yourself or somebody else – think about jail, a criminal record, STDs, pregnancies
• Horrible insomnia, sweating, hangovers, headaches, nausea, suicidal thoughts – think of the constant (past) fear of going to bed
• Poor nutrition, health, workouts – low self-image, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness – you can be in the best shape of your life if you quit
• Lack of mental clarity, poor performance at work and school – think about your career and academic goals – think about how alcohol has impeded them
• Long-term damage to the brain and body – you can live a long healthy/clean/pure happy life and reverse the damage done – you are poisoning yourself in every way
• Inability to maintain relationships – nobody wants to be with a drunk and being drunk won’t get you a family life, marriage, and the things that (will) matter to you
• Tried to quit many times and failed – now is your time and you don’t want to start over –it will be completely demoralizing – think about how many times it took to quit smoking
• Too old to be bar-hopping – it’s irresponsible, expensive, and unattractive – look at the people around you – nothing good ever comes of it
• Loss of control of finances – bankruptcy, inability to control spending – think of the money saved and what it could be used for (international travel, material things, etc.)
• Wasted time – think of all you are missing – camping trips, fishing, skiing, climbing, golf, backpacking, mountain biking, social clubs, etc.
• Foolish behavior – loss of friends, drunk texting, injuries, acting like an unmitigated ass – you have done more than enough damage to your image/reputation
• Complete loss of control and unpredictability – anger, fighting, drug use – you are basically liable to do anything without knowing it
• Disconnected from family – embarrassment, shame, preoccupation with alcohol – it always leads to neglect/avoidance of those who matter most
• Alcoholism is not glamorous, sexy, or exciting – it is a sad downward spiral
• Alcoholism does not get you sympathy – it makes people feel sorry for you
• The vicious cycle will never end unless it is broken – drinking is simply not an option

fantail

SoberD, if I woke up one morning and that list was in my notebook, I wouldn't doubt for a second that I'd written it.

Thanks for all the good reminders NotSoIvory & SoberD! I'm bookmarking this for relapse prevention.