Phinsmama1

Hello Everyone.
I am a newcomer to this forum. In fact, I have never posted or joined a forum before so I am new to all of this! I am the mother of 3 addicts and the partner of an addict also. I however, am not an addict ( I just seem to be addicted to being around addicts, which in a sense, I guess that makes me an addict too!) 2 of my children are in recovery. My oldest daughter is in jail (at least that's what I last heard). I just committed my partner to a mental health facility 3 days ago for a suicide attempt, and right now, I have left our home. I feel like I am being driven crazy! One of my children(in recovery) just relapsed 2 weeks ago and is back with the 12 step program. She has done at least 5 rounds of rehab since she was 15 y.o. She is 20 years old. My partner and I got together 2 years ago and I never saw the alcoholism at first. Once I moved in about a year ago, I realized that I am a 45 year old woman living in a frat house. I read a post about drinking buddies that was dated back in '05 so I didn't think it appropriate to comment on such an old post but after reading some other peoples comments, I immediately started feeling less crazy and decided to join. Recently, his birthday came around and 10 days later was my birthday. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I recently sent him a letter (when I try to speak my feelings to him it always ends up in a massive blow up on his part) I told him I feel so alone, He makes memories, just not with me. He celebrates holidays, just not with me. He goes to his own birthday party(I'm not invited, as the drinking buddies hate me) he celebrates my birthday, just not with me. I feel so lost. I don't understand why the heck I stay! Since committing him, he refuses to talk to me, asked me to leave our home(technically his home) and had one of the drinking buddies talk to me to tell me that "he needs to be his own man"...I guess the consensus is that I am controlling. His oldest brother is the only person he will see right now(good news since this man is a missionary!) and I am getting reports that he is looking over some 12 step literature while in the hospital, and going to meetings. He never drank hard liquor, only beer, so he denied he had a drinking problem. There was a speaker last night(godsend?) who was always a beer drinker and never drank hard liquor, I guess his eyes were opened to his addiction. I'm sorry if I am rambling here. I have kept so much bottled up inside for so long and the pain is killing me.
Thanks for this opportunity to share a little bit!

visch1

WELCOME! You are in one of the good places. KEEP COMING. In my case and many others as well Al-Anon is a huge help. Not saying it's easy, but many caring souls to help you in your needs. BE WELL

Impurrfect

((Phinsmama)) - Welcome to SR though I'm so sorry for what has brought you here. You certainly have a lot on your plate!

I hope you check out the following threads...they are for people who love someone in alcoholism and/or addiction. You aren't alone, and I know that made ME feel a lot better when I got here.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Louise82

Welcome Phinsmama1. Thanks for joining and posting. You will get a lot of support here. Keep reading and posting!

Mizzuno

Welcome! I am sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. It does and will get better with the appropriate steps. Our F&F forum is a godsend for many individuals. Please keep posting and reading. We are here for you.

2granddaughters

It makes you an Al-Anon ....

The alcoholic is addicted to the drink

The Al-Anon is addicted to the drunk.

Look Al-Anon up in your phone book or on-line for the nearest meeting. They will help you.

All the best.

Bob R

GodsFriend

You can not keep digging a hole and hope to get out of it. Go to Al-Anon and get help. Pray! There is a loving Creator who cares for you.

deeker

Hi Phinns. Bless your heart, u must be superwoman to be going thru that. Please hang in there. It is so important to take care of your own mental health. Please check out the friends and family forum.

Also Nar-anon/Al anon meetings would really be helpful. It's for families of addicts. Google one in your area. You need some support. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am gonna pray for you right now. Bless you!!

Phinsmama1

Thank you. I am not doing a very good job caring for myself at the moment. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I am officially homeless (temporarily staying with a friend) nobody in my family seems to understand why I still hold hope or see any worthy qualities in my partner. I found an Al Anon meeting that I will be attending this evening. If I can get out of my misery long enough to dress myself. My oldest daughter is a heroin addict and has been in and out of trouble for a long time (mostly in trouble) she cleaned up just long enough to have a baby 7 years ago, which now I raise part time because she left her for the drug. My middle son has an alcohol addiction and has been in and out of legal problems for quite some time, and of course my youngest daughter who struggles with her heroin addiction has just relapsed and is back in NA and fingers crossed for that shoe to stay put awhile. My partner has been an alcoholic for a very long time but unfortunately, I failed to see the problem until I moved in with him about a year ago. Living with him has been like living in hell most of the time. I just wanted a version of normal and never got it. He blames me that his drinking buddies won't come over anymore because I lost it a few months ago(in front of them) when they were at my house partying 6 out of 7 nights a week. When the situation began to bother me, I asked him for just a couple days a week, just him and I so I could have a relationship and some peace in my home. He ignored my request until I finally lost my temper and they "boycotted" me. He then resented me for keeping his friends away. Things began to get worse from there and every time I tried to express feelings that he didn't want to hear, he would threaten to kill himself. Well, this last time, he locked himself in the basement and I heard him tying the rope from the rafters, I tried to break a window but he was acting like a lunatic. I called 911 and had to have him involuntarily committed. I know when he gets out, he will be trying(at some point) to get me to come back and I am just spent. I know I'm going to have really weak moments (because I do love the other him) and am afraid to replay this scene over and over again. I have already left him 3 times and come back. Why can't I be strong? What is wrong with me that I choose to see the 1 good quality in someone and ignore the other 99 bad qualities?

deeker

I choose to see the 1 good quality in someone and ignore the other 99 bad qualities?



You care but I also believe you may not have the self respect for yourself that you so richly deserve. Like you feel you don't deserve any better. You do have a choice there. It's a very difficult choice but you do have a choice. You have a choice with all your children too if they are over the age of 18.

You will find out what those choices are at your Ala non meetings.

Time for Mom to have her own life free from chaos. God Bless you!

Anna

Yes, you also have to see the good qualities in yourself and honor those qualities. Living as you are, isn't honoring yourself. Please take care of you.

DryRoastJim

I just can't say it any better deeker, you are so right. You have endured much but now is the time to take care of yourself and get your life back. Please do whatever it takes for you get there!!

Take care!