uncertain!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1
uncertain!
Hello,
This is my first post so bear with me. My partner is/was a heavy cannabis user. We've been together for a long time now. I ended the relationship recently because I just couldn't cope with it any longer. After talks and arguments and a week later we got back together after he promised to come off it and stay off it. It's been a couple of weeks and as far as I know he has been true to his word. Which is a brilliant achievement as he used to smoke it everyday! Now I love this man with all my heart but a while back he promised similar things but I saw no evidence of it hence why I ended it recently. Now we're back together and I cant help but feel completely uncertain about us and I'm finding it hard to believe what he says. I feel like a horrible person for not believing in him and not knowing how to talk to him about it. He understands why I dont trust him and he's determined to prove to me that he's going to do this (stay sober) but like I said its hard to believe him. I'm constantly worrying that he's going to do it behind my back and lie to me about it but I have no way of knowing as we dont live together and cant see each other everyday. I don't want to end things because I love him so much and I want to trust him again. I've probably not made much sense here.
Has anybody gone through something similar and ended up happy ever after?
Is anybody else feeling this way?
Thanks for reading.
Kate xx
This is my first post so bear with me. My partner is/was a heavy cannabis user. We've been together for a long time now. I ended the relationship recently because I just couldn't cope with it any longer. After talks and arguments and a week later we got back together after he promised to come off it and stay off it. It's been a couple of weeks and as far as I know he has been true to his word. Which is a brilliant achievement as he used to smoke it everyday! Now I love this man with all my heart but a while back he promised similar things but I saw no evidence of it hence why I ended it recently. Now we're back together and I cant help but feel completely uncertain about us and I'm finding it hard to believe what he says. I feel like a horrible person for not believing in him and not knowing how to talk to him about it. He understands why I dont trust him and he's determined to prove to me that he's going to do this (stay sober) but like I said its hard to believe him. I'm constantly worrying that he's going to do it behind my back and lie to me about it but I have no way of knowing as we dont live together and cant see each other everyday. I don't want to end things because I love him so much and I want to trust him again. I've probably not made much sense here.
Has anybody gone through something similar and ended up happy ever after?
Is anybody else feeling this way?
Thanks for reading.
Kate xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Kate
Welcome to SR. You're story is quite familiar as there are many who have faced the uncertainty in a relationship due to drug addiction.
Marijuana is a particular sensitive subject for me because the state I live in recently "legalized" it.....although how they could do that when it is still against Federal Law is beyond me. It is literally everywhere now. Out in the open. Those of us who have dealt with addiction......can't even begin to describe how I feel about it.
With addiction (any addiction) it's the behaviors, thought processes, and attitudes that really are the key. If he changes those things along with quitting, then of course there is hope for the relationship. Either he changes or you change.....otherwise....status quo.
My mother once told me that I should never stay involved (let alone marry) a man who I felt needed to make changes for me.....if I couldn't accept him just the way he was, then he wasn't the right man. In my experience with an XAH and a husband who is not an addict, she was right.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Welcome to SR. You're story is quite familiar as there are many who have faced the uncertainty in a relationship due to drug addiction.
Marijuana is a particular sensitive subject for me because the state I live in recently "legalized" it.....although how they could do that when it is still against Federal Law is beyond me. It is literally everywhere now. Out in the open. Those of us who have dealt with addiction......can't even begin to describe how I feel about it.
With addiction (any addiction) it's the behaviors, thought processes, and attitudes that really are the key. If he changes those things along with quitting, then of course there is hope for the relationship. Either he changes or you change.....otherwise....status quo.
My mother once told me that I should never stay involved (let alone marry) a man who I felt needed to make changes for me.....if I couldn't accept him just the way he was, then he wasn't the right man. In my experience with an XAH and a husband who is not an addict, she was right.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Trust your instincts, Uncertain, and maybe just take it slow as you go. Time will tell if he is improving or falling back into old ways.
Most addicts can stop for a while...it's staying stopped that's the hard part.
Maybe take some time to think of your dreams for your future, what you would like it to be, and then decide if this fits into your plan or is taking you away from your dreams.
Hugs
Most addicts can stop for a while...it's staying stopped that's the hard part.
Maybe take some time to think of your dreams for your future, what you would like it to be, and then decide if this fits into your plan or is taking you away from your dreams.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
It's not uncommon to have that waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling when around addiction or abuse. I found I made myself crazy worrying about the what ifs and how do i tell. What I finally learned is that actions speak, not words. If behaviors were such that I wasn't comfortable, then whether my loved one was using or not wasn't really the issue.
I agree...take your time, and in time you will know if he is committed to change long term. Unfortunately there is no sure fire way to know. I found if I could stay in the moment and focus on how I wanted to feel and be, it helped me not to start the crazy train thoughts about my loved one.
I agree...take your time, and in time you will know if he is committed to change long term. Unfortunately there is no sure fire way to know. I found if I could stay in the moment and focus on how I wanted to feel and be, it helped me not to start the crazy train thoughts about my loved one.
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