21 year old son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 3
21 year old son
is an admitted alcaholic. In rehab right now. Went to family meeting yesterday, they said he was not doing well. Its his second time at this place. two visits to crisis center, outpatient after first crisis center visit. Did not complete program. yesterday they told us he would not participate or follow rules. Leader told me he will not be coming home, should go to a sober house. my son is not who he was (I think) just a few years ago. Arrested twice for stealing. Once stuff out of cars, second booze from a bars office. All places told me he is suicidal and depressed. I am so sad, feel so cheated. Same story, college, failed everything, etc. He was always immature and small for his age but went to a small loving catholic grammar school. I feel it started at his high school but not really sure when since I have learned he lies about everything. He himself told me he lies and makes up stories even when he does not have to. I am so afraid he will die, land in jail, or be on the street. I am at the point where I will not let him home. He came home from rehab on a Monday, out drinking and lying about it tuesday night.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you found us but I am sorry for the reason that brings you here. I can feel the pain in your post. The fear of losing a loved one to addiction, and the pain of knowing we are powerless. My heart goes out to you.
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting when needed. We are here to support you, and we care.
In addition to the support I receive here at this forum, I also attend local Alanon meetings for the face-to-face support. I appreciate the warmth and understanding of being in the room with others who have lived with and/or are living with a loved one in addiction. I found the members here and there to have a sense of serenity that I lacked. I kept coming back to find my own path to that serenity.
I hope you will keep coming back. Keep reaching out, as you are worth the effort.
((hugs))
I'm glad you found us but I am sorry for the reason that brings you here. I can feel the pain in your post. The fear of losing a loved one to addiction, and the pain of knowing we are powerless. My heart goes out to you.
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting when needed. We are here to support you, and we care.
In addition to the support I receive here at this forum, I also attend local Alanon meetings for the face-to-face support. I appreciate the warmth and understanding of being in the room with others who have lived with and/or are living with a loved one in addiction. I found the members here and there to have a sense of serenity that I lacked. I kept coming back to find my own path to that serenity.
I hope you will keep coming back. Keep reaching out, as you are worth the effort.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 15
I understand your pain as I also have a son (33yrs old) who has been in rehab and sober living and has relapsed. I can't even count the number of times he's been hospitalized.
I had such hopes that after 1 year of sobriety, he would finally be on his way to recovery. I am hurting, afraid of what is coming next.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I had such hopes that after 1 year of sobriety, he would finally be on his way to recovery. I am hurting, afraid of what is coming next.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear tanfeets, in addition to alcoholic treatment--has he ever had a complete evaluation for other co-occuring conditions? Can you ask for this at this facility. I strongly recommend that he be completely evaluated by a psychiatrist and/or psychologist, even if you have to get it privately.
sincerely, dandylion
sincerely, dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 3
Thank you to all of you. Yes, he has been evaluated. Twice at crisis center, he went to a long term out patient program that did as well, saw a psychiatrist, therapist, and now at the rehab he is in again there. At the framily meeting on Friday she mentioned he should not come home (relapsed 24 hours after he got home two weeks ago) and should go to a sober house. Any thoughts on it? What exactly is it. She mentioned a place in Pennsylvaina.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 15
Dear tanfeets,
A sober living home is an environment that has structure - mandatory AA as well as house meetings and chores. Any relapse will not be tolerated. The residents are allowed to pretty much come and go but need to be in house by a certain time each night. My son lived in one of these homes for close to a year, but again he wasn't truly committed to working the program.
A true commitment to recovery is absolutely crucial. I will pray that your son embraces recovery as I know your pain.
A sober living home is an environment that has structure - mandatory AA as well as house meetings and chores. Any relapse will not be tolerated. The residents are allowed to pretty much come and go but need to be in house by a certain time each night. My son lived in one of these homes for close to a year, but again he wasn't truly committed to working the program.
A true commitment to recovery is absolutely crucial. I will pray that your son embraces recovery as I know your pain.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
Tanfeets - I too am glad you found SR but sorry for the circumstances. I also have a 21yo son who is currently in recovery working his AA program while I work my Al-Anon program.
The one thing I can say is that my son pretty much faked it for several months. He played the game and was a sober alcoholic. It has only been in the last month that he has really changed and we can see it in not only his words but his actions. From the time he started his AA program until now (about 7 months) he has had several "slips" as he calls them and a DUI. Not exactly sure what caused his real change but I will say it is a long slow process. SR literally saved me when I first had to face that my 21 yo son is an alcoholic. There are many wise people on here.
The one thing I can say is that my son pretty much faked it for several months. He played the game and was a sober alcoholic. It has only been in the last month that he has really changed and we can see it in not only his words but his actions. From the time he started his AA program until now (about 7 months) he has had several "slips" as he calls them and a DUI. Not exactly sure what caused his real change but I will say it is a long slow process. SR literally saved me when I first had to face that my 21 yo son is an alcoholic. There are many wise people on here.
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