alyssa77

hello everyone well heres my question ive been with my bf for 3 years put endless time and effort into trying to get him to be sober ive stuck with him threw the thick and thin. he recently left a sober living home and came back home to me the next morning he woke up and surprised me with the''' I want to move on and do things with my life and I cant do them with you'' I don't understand how he was able to just walk out of mine and my daughters life like we didn't mean **** to him my daughter was raised by him she knows him as daddy. I was in shock very unexpected well as soon as he left here he went to apply for foodstamps and was arrested at the welfare office I was glad he deserved it!! afterall how could he do this to us!?? now hes calling and calling and calling I wont accept his calls or go visit him but I guess what I wanna know is why do people change their minds when they are in homes like this I don't understand why he couldn't make a better life with us in it. I never had a drug problem that would keep us from doing right and making a great life for ourselves.
answers please

Sunds

You need to answer your own question.....One thing I know for sure is when an addict is using ,he is very, very scared and his thought revolves round his addiction only....Once he quits he has clarity of thought and can think about other aspects of life....Post-marriage I was an active alcoholic for 7 years....My wife put up with all my non-sense thinking that once I quit drinking our lives will be heaven....Two years into my sobriety we divorced and I had initiated it....I had serious issues with her and her family but could not address them because for me my alcoholism was a bugger problem....Once I quit I could clearly analyse everything and also muster up the courage to take firm decisions in life....Though I still miss her a lot...But then the separation was inevitable...It just got delayed due to my alcoholism.

Deluxe

Drugs and alcohol seriously cloud the mind. They are an excellent way to ignore issues and not confront the things in your life that need dealing with. I know because that's what I did. Medicated myself silly for years.

First off don't beat yourself up. Go easy. Let time do it's thing. The reality is that you cant control people or things and trying to leads to a lot of heartache.

Sorry to hear about your troubles too. It must be tough, especially if he helped raise your little girl. If it helps any there are tons of people around the planet thinking about you. I am in Sydney, Australia.

Alkies and druggies can be seriously messed up at the best of times. A short period of sobriety is not going to change that. It may well be however that this was a long time coming for him. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but could well be the case.

Bubovski

Does he want a reconciliation?
Did he eventually achieve sobriety and than leave?

Sounds as if you put in the hard yards for three years and copped a pretty hard rejection, along with your daughter. He might change for the good, just might; you are the only one totally aware of the situation.
If its a forgive thing than really only you can come to a solution.
If its an over thing, you can still look to the future while learning from a bad experience.
Good luck to you and your children.

avocado

well, people change. Only he can really answer why. He seems rather unstable. I'd say the best thing for you to do is move on with your life and leave him in the dust.

LadyinBC

Hi Alyssa,

You should check out this forum:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You will find lots of support and advice there.

alyssa77

thank you to everyone for the advice and thoughts it really helps to hear strangers opinions looks like I have some serious thinking to do. on a clear unhurt piece of mind things can only get better for me and my baby girl with out him in our lives. constant fear of him walking out on us again would be torcher and a huge disappointment to my daughter again.
again thank you=)

deeker

That's the spirit! Chin up, move forward and do what's best for you and the beautiful daughter of yours!!